11:31 AM Friday, May 07, 2004


Tomorrow, I attend my friend's wedding. On Sunday, I will gather up the guts and the kindness to finally give what my Mom has always said she'd prefer... her kids greeting her in person, over cards and gifts...


My Mom and I have never been close. She seemed a cold woman to me. Later on I found out, she was just that way to me because she never felt I needed her. She also told me that even when I was but a little girl, she'd feel that I didn't want to be with her... true enough, women I adored in childhood were my Lola (her Mother) and my aunt (her youngest sister). I also felt she was insecure of my father's love for me, and I think it's true somehow because I know how it must hurt her to have Dad side with me sometimes... or Dad accord me privileges not given to her son... also her child. Sigh, family dynamics and all that sh!t...

But somewhere along the way, you get to realize how, in spite of not having the Mom you feel you need, you also dearly love and respect and admire this woman who wakes up early every day to go to work so she can buy food and help support the family... and who goes to the province every weekend to be with your father who is known for his tantrums... who plays with her grandson and patiently feeds him when he's teething...

More than that, I can never ignore the fact that this woman was born poor... who had to work for relatives just so she can study... who waited long enough before getting married... who chose a man as responsible and dedicated as her... and who worked for a living so that, together with her partner, she can give her kids a better childhood, a better and more promising future.

I just hope all mothers have that foresight... and the discipline and courage to be... WISE.


I originally thought of posting quotes here and just elaborating more on them...

As you can see... I changed my mind. But let me try my hand at my kind of poetry...

do you love me
when you don't let me go out to play?
and Mommy do you love me
when you don't buy me a new bag
or that Barbie doll in the window display?
do you love me
then why in fights, i get more spanking
than my brother
and why with my homeworks
you I cannot bother?
do you love me
when you scold me after I've broken something
didn't you see my finger bleeding?
and why would you say you're ashamed of me
after getting suspended for fighting
and why would you be embarassed
that the neighbors are hearing me
and my brother quarrelling?
is it love
when you don't tuck me in to sleep?
was it even right
that you kept sending me to school
even when sick?
Mommy is it love
when you just cry and not defend yourself
when Dad is being irrational
and is it even right for you to kiss me
only when i've gotten a medal?
do you love me
i'd really want to know
Because Mommy
I really love you
even if you've hurt me so.

I really love you
And I wanted you to get enough rest
Childhood is the time to do that
For you, I wanted the best
I couldn't afford some things you wanted
I was saving up for tuition
and my prayers were answered
you never did waste your education
I really love you
and I really love your Dad
and marriage isn't about fighting back
it's understanding and courage
when times are bad
I really love you
and i love your brother too
and i did not intend to play favorites
between the two of you
just understand that being younger
and less solid of personality
he needed special loving care
i thought, of that, you were aware
I really love you
and it hurts me to see you cry
but there is no textbook on mothering
so darling, i apologize
if ever you find me wanting
some things i do, to not be right
know that love has been the reason
about this i cannot lie
Oh daughter, i have despaired
countless of timess too
but i consider it a privilege
to have been the one to raise you
I cannot be more prouder
of who you have become
No other better task for me
than to build and maintain our home.

A lot of things, I didn't understand
And i'm so sorry, please believe
I didn't mean to make you sad
Know that am reaping the benefits now
of all the lessons that you taught
painful they may have been
they shall not be for naught
I love you Mother
as I always have
thank you for doing what you could
and forgive me for not appreciating you as i should
i just hope i would be half the Mother
you were to me, with your granddaughter.

... happy mother's day to all mothers...


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