MEComposing

I thought before that the desire to shop for clothes and put on makeup was because of pregnancy hormones. Well, I have popped already and am still bent on shopping for new clothes and makeup.

In fact, my next project is to test drive a BB cream!

And I am hemming and hawing on what Infinitude color to buy next... actually, I really want more clothes but as I am hoping to lose more weight, the Infinitude is a better purchase because it stretches and will also shrink with me. But I really intend to keep on looking fab. It's already very encouraging when people tell me I don't look like i've just given birth yet. Plus, I have to maximize the perkier cleavage, right?

I need more accessories too. And maybe a new bag and shoes? :)

Oh, I just noticed that I really do need to moisturize faithfully now as my face has started showing signs of old age dryness (aside from the acne scars). After am thru with the binder, I also vow to faithfully put lotion on again.

Then again, I am also thinking of extending the wearing of the binder since I think it helps curb my appetite.

Is it 'coz am 33 already and I feel the pressure of old age looming? Or I just really had an epiphany of sorts lately?

Still, I did really miss being told I was sexy, and getting compliments on how I look.

Haha. Weird right, why Grade 5 classmates?

A former classmate uploaded her class pictures on FB. None of us realized that we were somehow marked by being classmates in Grade 5 because of all the things that transpired then, the major thing being our adviser was the devil.

It seems kinda stupid now that none of our parents got her fired for all the things she subjected us to. We were hit by rulers, made to scrub floors until they sparkled, had to be monitor for the day and go around the class looking for dirt, wash her glass and plate, keep her area (a small nook with a folding bed for her behind our bookshelves) clean, etc.

We were all subjected to verbal abuse. One was even hit by a powder container because she was irked that the child she was verbally abusing had a dedma expression (unfortunately, she missed and hit another child).

And did I say she had me suspended for supposed fighting... I was fighting with a classmate but we weren't even having a shouting match or pulling each other's hair out. More like we argued in front of another teacher who sent us to her (adviser) so we can iron things out. Adviser had us instead stand outside the boys' classroom where she was teaching... and asked us to have our parents come the next day and declared us suspended. Three days and I didn't even say anything like SH!T.

And this teacher had the gall to convince my Mom that I needed summer lessons and then later on, tutorial from her... after also tutoring my classmates (and teaching them stuff she will include in quizzes) and getting annoyed that I'd still perfect her tests while her wards wouldn't.

I can go on and on and on.

Anyway, six of us met at Cafe La Carmela with another batchmate (who had our adviser in Grade 6, so she could relate) last Saturday. And boy, was it a laugh trip down memory lane. We caught up on each other's lives, on gossip involving our batchmates, etc.

We wondered aloud about one who has died already, if she did die of cancer or got involved in drugs so much that the police offed her. We tried remembering faces and attaching names and stories to those faces. We talked about the weird classmates that we had, the ones who changed so much, the ones who got pregnant so soon, the ones who ended up together and remained together or got separated.

Reconnecting with them was enlightening, humbling and amazing. It was great to see those who now have great careers, and how the ones we wouldn't have pegged to stay home as SAHMs like me. It was great to see the quiet ones now speaking up, the 'slow' ones now succesful, the rebellious ones now all mellowed down. It was great to see how we've evolved as mothers, how some have remained friends, etc.

Honestly, I last saw them all (except my neighbor) at our graduation in 1990. So I really hope to keep catching up with them and bridging the years. After all, I doubt we've exhausted our adviser reminiscences, haha.

I stand 5 feet and 4.5 inches tall. And I weigh 190 pounds right now. That is seriously yikes when you think of the numbers alone.

But yeah, at least I am pregnant and can invoke 'baby weight' as an excuse. I'm just not bothered about being overweight right now because I already have a group of women intent on a group makeover who are sure to get me to a healthier weight after the birth. And keep me using makeup (especially moisturizers!).

Slow but sure, I intend to really be a healthier weight again. And really run in that Mommy Milkshake marathon next year (August). Already, I miss my mountaineering days and feel inspired to be getting sporty sweaty again. And I want to be strutting my cleavage all the time again, haha. Time, I feel, is sorta running out for that kind of thing so might as well be the vamp I was before again.

It makes me feel better about myself too, when am all dressed and gussed up. Haha.

My cousin grew up here in the Philippines. It was only after college that he was able to join his parents in the US. He's now a registered nurse there.

He's always been ranting to me about how life there is very different from the life he's lived here. He still hasn't adjusted to the way people do things there, especially how they deal with each other.

And then there's the matter of education. He told me that the Math questions his younger brother (who is in middle school) has had to deal with at his age are far more complex than what he has had to deal with in his Pre Algebra days here. He has even wondered if he should get his brother in some online tutoring program like the one tutornext.com offers just so his brother won't get overwhelmed by Algebra equations.

Then there's also the matter of how kids there are just really different, with values not really family-centered and dreams that do not even include their parents. I just tell my cousin to focus instead on what he can celebrate by being there instead of ranting all the time about what's different or lacking.

Well, not really a war but conflict in some blogging circles. And it's not really something new. This has been going on and on and on for years now, it's just getting a little less hushed now with more players and all those social networking sh!t where people can broadcast opinions/rants and followers/friends can say "ditto!"

And well, as always, I am one of those bloggers who aren't in the middle of it. I don't write that well enough, have that much of a following, get that much traffic nor have that much clout. I am still stumped by SEO sh!t. And I'm sorry I keep saying sh!t today, haha.

Anyway, since pro-blogging is also getting more lucrative, what with so many bloggers earning from their blogs, and some even doing it full time, it's really just logical that bloggers will go different ways, and some will invariably be greedy. Or really resourceful. And some (the ones I silently hate), really hypocritical. Then again, we'd all always have different standards and most of us are always likely to excuse ourselves first.

There was a time when bloggers just wanted to document their thoughts and air their opinions. There are still some of these purists now, those who purposely even shun Adsense earnings... while some just didn't know they could generate income from their blogs. Or not, I mean, after all, not all blogs really have content or are engaging or whatever.

And then there are those bloggers earning from paid posts and links and whatever. I am one of them. Just recently, my Dad and my sister have expressed being touched by posts I made which I actually made because I had to post paid links. Like what I told my sister, I have posted more honest and loving sentiments about them... but then again, I have also really tried to preserve the integrity of my blogs. Which is why it frustrates me to no end why I am not getting more opps for my hthyou.com blog (considering it does have a decent traffic) so that I need not sully my personal blogs. Oh and make no mistake, I did get greedy.

I jumped on the paid blogging bandwagon after becoming a sahm because I felt guilty about not having income. Plus, if other bloggers who had poorer grammar and worse content than I will ever have are earning from their blogs, why shouldn't I? And I haven't regretted that decision because all the pooled income has really helped my family in several times of need. Like right now, more than half of my delivery fund is coming from my accummulated income from all my online gigs. It's a year of work at least but P100k just from writing and being online... that's a big help to my backbreaking hubby! Plus, it will allow me to give birth in a hospital I want, no matter how impractical it may seem.

But I digress.

And then there are those who earn mostly from ads because their blogs are high in SEO(which I still don't get). And I've been told that attending blogger events are one of the surest way to boost your SEO. Plus, attending blogger events really has its perks due to the freebies you get. It's supposed to be some sort of product launch or press con for something, but it is so easy to go not to be informed but because of the freebies. Human nature.

And that's where the conflicts now are arising. Getting invites to somewhere (haha, if I am not being referred by friends, I would not be invited to anything at all!). Gatecrashers. Bloggers not being objective (one of the first things to go is objectivity when you've been wined and dined and freebied and not just because bloggers as humans are easily corruptible, but because bloggers as humans will be kind to the hand that fed them). Clashes with other media people or clashes with the PR people themselves. Bloggers actually demanding freebies and compensation, or getting back at companies via bad reviews. Companies plying bloggers with freebies and demanding positive posts after. Companies being forced to really spoil aand pamper bloggers. No-shows because bloggers got more lucrative invites. I mean, the list goes on and on and on and these are issues that am sure also happen with other media/press people. And with bloggers being different folks that can tolerate different strokes, it's hard to even agree on a standard procedure of actually tapping, dealing and handling the blogging network.

For what it's worth, there are bloggers with clout that are active in blogger events who have maintained a sense of integrity and proper sense of decorum. But we all know, they are only a handful.

And there are those who are enjoying a windfall of products/events to blog about, who aren't corrupt also, but whose posts nonetheless suffer from being too busy.

The rest: bandwagonists, poseurs, hypocrites or just plain clueless. And I think I am all of those in varying degrees. So I guess that's also why I don't get SEO nor invited to events that much. God loves me enough to prevent me from going to the dark side for good.

And so, I can still live with who I am as a blogger, and I still love my blogs.

*~*

The bloggers I am connected with in Plurk and FB are calling for all other bloggers to exercise self-respect and to act with decency in events, and with their dealings with companies. This request is made so that 'bloggers' as a collective term will command some sort of respect.

It was midnight sale at Rob Place Manila so we didn't notice the time. Before I know it, it was already 10:30 and we were all still gabbing! I was with my former FSL classmates last night and we were talking so much, we didn't even get pictures taken.

We ate dinner at Chef D' Angelo and had coffee (I mostly had water and donuts) at the newly-opened Krispy Kreme there. We talked about former classmates, bekimon, their FSL 3 exams and presentation (Don't Stop Believing in sign language), what we've realized about the Deaf, shopping and travels and even religious practices. I really, really, really had fun!!!

I really hope we'd be friends forever, haha, because I really love them. And missed them.

She didn't originally want anyone to know. But I guess, worry for her and a need for emotional support has driven her immediate family to start spreading the news. And now, the clan knows that my cousin is about to undergo a kidney transplant.

I am not sure yet if they have found a donor already and if a schedule has been set. All I know is that they were looking for her brother to donate (and he and his wife were willing) but that it seems my uncle opposed it because her brother has a family. Now it seems they have tapped an unmarried cousin of hers (mother's side) to donate his kidney. Hopefully, they are a match and that the cousin is really willing to help her out.

My cousin has suffered from nephrosis for some time now and I guess her smoking habit didn't help her condition. So it seems the meds aren't enough and she has been advised to get a transplant. At least, I hope that was the scenario as opposed to "get a transplant otherwise, you'll die asap."

So now, I have been warning everyone from our clan to watch their diet and get their kids eating right. I've even told a cousin-in-law to get her hubby (my cousin) to reduce the amount of cigarette he smokes for it seems our genes weren't that great after all. I had banked on the longevity of my paternal grandma's clan but it seems our kidneys aren't great. Two of my uncles had kidney probs (and one of them died from it) and now, my cousin.

Thank God though that all in all, the rest of my father's siblings (including him) has healthy eating habits and lifestyles.

Anyway, I am praying for my cousin because I love her, because she's still young (38) and because I know she still has a lot of good things to bring to this world as a daughter, a sister, a cousin, a friend and a lawyer.