MEComposing

IS A LONG TIME... for tears, for sorrows... for lying awake at nights, wondering where you stand with someone... for second-guessing someone if he likes you or not... for disciplining yourself to act like a friend when you know there's more to the friendship than just friendship... for reeling your emotions in whenever they seek to be expressed... for feeling unworthy, or being made to feel unworthy... for texting back and forth more than 30 times each day... for preventing yourself from making plans... for putting your life on hold, breathlessly awaiting a period or an exclamation point... and hating the question mark that is defining your days...

most of all... two years is too long a time to be ashamed that you're in love... mainly because it was "untimely"... which may have been just a euphimism for "unwanted"

two years IS A SHORT TIME... for shared snacks... and late-night conversations.. for dancing cheek-to-cheek to songs that embody your sentiments... for poems exchanged and songs sung together... for movies and concerts and love stories... for playful banters and corny jokes and childish reminiscences... for love to really bloom... for trust to be established... for plans and dreams to be realized...

most of all... two years is too short a time to say that you know a person well... mainly because it's "impossible"... which may also mean that it was being "denied"

*~*

i find it to be both natural and irrational to find sadness in the fact that a former "lover" has found somebody else... or several of them...

and i can't help but find it sadder that i've spent the better part of two years loving and hoping and waiting, when he could have simply said... "Don't take it personally, but I really can't see myself committing to loving you."

at least, i would have been free... perhaps not yet to love someone else... but at least free to understand and explore the possibilities of knowing where i stood

and then to find out now that he's committed to someone else... cannot help but break a heart...

and break my faith...

am sure that girl was special... and i feel no envy nor jealousy

and i'm taking into account that hearts CAN change...

it's just that... the truth would have set me free

*~*

written a very long time ago... i think sadness and pain has eloquence that will always be beautiful... even if it is about sadness and pain and loss and disillusionment...