the SAHM dream...

12:06 AM Saturday, July 07, 2007

SAHM = Stay At Home Mom

Ever since I was a child, I knew I wanted to be a SAHM... not because I dreamed of doing household chores, but because I wanted to be the one dressing up my kids for school, and the one they'd be coming home to.

I wanted to be the one to see all their firsts... and not have to hear about it from the yaya, or from my mother/mother-in-law.

I know that a lot of this desire stems from a childhood that longed for parents to be emotionally present... to be my friends, and not just my providers... to actually know me, and not just know of me.

All my boyfriends were informed of this desire... because in these modern times where everyone is expected to pull their own weight, the role of being a SAHM has become unconventional, impractical and greatly diminished.

And oh, the suggestions that my choice was anti-feminist (which is weird, because I always thought feminism was all about respecting a woman's right to choose for herself and for her life)... and these coming from educated people ha.

But anyway, that was the dream. And one could say that I made sure I get to realize that dream. I married a man established in his career. I also married a man who was raised by a SAHM. I also married a man with the same sense of family that I have. But over these things, I married a man who loves and respects me.

I tend to over-talk the topic... wanting to realize my dream but also wanting it to be a joint decision we both believe is best in the long run. Always, his concern is that my self-esteem might suffer. Always, I tell him that we'd both have our moments... sad, bad moments... but who doesn't anyway?

Of course, we decided to give our parents the heads up... so that there won't be heads rolling and tongues lashing, after all, what was I cum laude for if all I intended was to stay home? (lolz... I actually studied fairly well because I didn't want my kids to be saying that their mother was too stupid to do anything but stay home)

I'm a little concerned about my in-laws... but I know them enough by now to know that they'd be more my husband's problem, if ever.

But alas, my Mom is going into fits of desperation over this decision... she keeps saying she's not trying to make my decisions for me, but she's also almost 100% sure that I'd end up poverty-stricken (with matching melodramatics such as: "at least, by the time your kids go to school and your husband's company closes down and he ends up jobless and you become poor, i'd probably be dead already and won't see you suffer")


I gently remind her that even two-income families go bankrupt sometimes... and that her brother has managed to provide for his family well even if he was the only one earning. I also assure her that this was a decision my husband and I have really talked about and are not going into lightly. We are aware of its rewards and sacrifices. And we do have a Plan B and C. I also assure her that I won't turn to them for help unless it's really, really necessary (say, if fate decides to be cruel and runs us down to the ground with a sick child too... like what happened with Py).

And then I also tell her that as much as I appreciate her concern, I am also confused why she couldn't trust me a little more. The last scrape she ever had to pull me out of was getting suspended in Grade 5 (and not really because of anything serious). I mean, I made a lot of really good life decisions, couldn't she cut me some slack?

Howell. I think the SAHM decision just made sure that she won't be coming home from the US for my delivery... and fussing over me and her godson after that.

It breaks my heart to know how much this upsets her... and how there won't be any pleasing her. After all, though the dream was motivated by my childhood, this is not an act of rebellion against them... I've made this decision out of nothing but love for the family I want to build, and I know it's a decision I can live with.

I would also have to deal with my father pala... tsk.


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