3:56 PM Friday, August 19, 2005

when you lose control
and you have no soul
it's tragedy

It was only last night that I learned part of that song's lyrics. For the most part of my adult life, I only know when to belt out the word TRAGEDY, and that's it.


I lost control. Or rather, I gave up control.

In the process, did I manage to sell my soul to the devil?


I know i'd always be more than my faults and my self-destructive tendencies. But I also know that scars, even emotional ones, will be lasting reminders of where and how hard i've fallen.

And I guess, I have to live with all that. And my family will have to live with that. And everybody else who makes the choice to love me will have to live with all that.

I was brave last night. I don't feel clean but the bravery cleansed me. And no, am not talking about really dark secrets only now disclosed, although they're hideous and hurtful just the same. It's not even what i've kept secret that really matters... but how much keeping them has affected my life.

Another fave quote from TOUCHED BY AN ANGEL, I believe, goes something like this:

Secrets are a funny thing. The more you try to protect them, the more you have to pretend that you have them to hide. And the more you have to keep people away lest they discover them.

It took last night for me to start forgiving myself for being an 18-year old once. Whew!

Buti na lang some quote also goes like this:

If you love something enough, its secret will be known to you.

And JRA loves me more than enough.


Anche (wherever you are), once upon a time, when I was wondering out loud if I was able to save the best of me for my future husband, you told me to stop wondering but to actually save the best of me. You reminded me that it's something you do, not something that just happens.

And i'm glad to say, i've saved the best of MEc.


The trials do not end here. But the tragedy does.


Commercial (comedy?):
Pyro has this toy convertible car. With him being very talkative, we usually find ourselves asking him questions and stuff, to which he spins tales. So 'Te Gang asked him who's riding his toy car, he immediately replied, "Papa, Mama, ikaw, Ninang, Tita Mec."

'Te Gang asked again, "Eh ikaw?"

Pyro replied, "Wala. Hindi Kasya."


Back to tragedy, here's a link to an old, disturbing, tragic news.


In my quest for better health, I made a new friend.


Happy weekend guys!


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