MEComposing

for just askin' (hope this helps)

I am one of those people who really believe that pre-marital sex is more a lifestyle choice. Of course, I am quick to discourage engaging in it when you're still in your teens. And of course, I am encouraging everyone to be responsible and use protection.

But what really saddens me nowadays (let us not tackle 13-year olds becoming parents or suffering from STDs ok?) concerning pre-marital sex is that... there are women out there, who either have not yet formed any clear stand on whether they want to engage in it or not OR who actually want to preserve themselves for marriage, but are engaging in it anyway... TO KEEP THEIR MAN.

Sure, it's sad to be a girl left by a boyfriend because you were not yet ready for him to stick something up any hole you got...

But it's really quite sadder to compromise your beliefs, your values, yourself... any man (or partner for that matter) who will ask such a compromise from you doesn't really respect you.

And what is the point of making love to someone who doesn't respect you in the first place?

And usually, sure enough, what happens when this guy has found someone else more than willing to spread her legs and to offer more holes to ecstasy than you're prepared to give?

What happens when he's left you?

Well...

You grieve, of course.

Mourn for the innocence that accompanied the faith...that led you to open more than your heart for him.

Mourn for the love that you counted on.

Mourn for the sweet moments being with him brought you.

Mourn for something you'll never be again. A virgin.

And then learn your lessons.

It doesn't matter whether you engage in pre-marital sex again or not. It doesn't matter if you engage in sex ever again. But it matters that you learn your lessons and continue believing you're whole still.

See, most girls, having compromised themselves once, start believing they're damaged goods. And so they compromise themselves again and again, over and over.

And the cycle seldom stops...

And the pain just adds up.

I take no issue with women wanting to preserve their first times for their future husbands. But I do take issue with the belief that virginity is the best gift you can give your husbands. Or that chastity/celibacy is.

For you'd always have your skills and talents and quirks, your experiences and your humor and your sensuality, your courage and commitment, your indefatigability to work on a relationship, your capacity to love and care and nurture, your ability to respect yourself and other people's individuality, your capacity to adjust and bend and change...

Chalk that one to experience and let go. If you must, feel free to imagine you're a glass that was slightly scarred, or a car that's slightly scratched... the smears and stain and dents don't necessarily render you useless... in fact, they add character... they usually suggest a learning experience... :)

We're always more than one defining moment, always more than one of our experiences...

It's not going to be easy... but it's going to happen if you allow it to happen. Negative self-talk is a habit not easily given up... but you get to rid yourself of it in time.

And of course, next time a similar situation challenges you again... you cannot say you weren't forewarned, and ergo, isn't forearmed. You did what you thought was right. Let's hope that now, you know better.

*~*

Other posts i've made on loving and pain:
sad songs can have happy endings
on being a hopeful romantic
some past love
how letting go sometimes just happens