MEComposing

I know of a woman who would have made a great mother because she's one of the gentlest souls there is. However, life deemed it best to let her be born without a uterus.

Did she turn out gentle because of that 'incapacity'? Maybe. Or maybe not.

But I still believe she'd have made a great mother.

And yes, because of decisions she's made, and probably some luck, she's living a wonderful life with her husband. They both love kids and adore their nieces and nephews so.

*~*

One other very endearing woman I know is fertile enough. Nothing is wrong with her reproductive system.

But something is not exactly right with her heart... making it very risky for her to get pregnant.

I know she wants kids, and would have also made a wonderfully lukring Mom, and her partner wants her alive.

And yes, she's living a full life.

*~*

There is a woman i've recently 'met'. Nothing was also wrong with her reproductive system. But the son that Life gave her, Life also took away from her. The child died when he was just 2 or 3 yrs. old from some heart ailment.

Imagine the pain of being a mother to someone already dead.

And yes, there was ANGUISH and DESPAIR.

And questions nobody could really answer.

But Life really works in mysterious ways. She's now mothering her adopted 16-year old son wonderfully. The leaps and bounds of caring for a toddler, and then a teenager, is overwhelming enough but the courage to be a mother has always been with her.

And yes, she may forever mourn the son she lost, but Life also goes on for her and her living son.

*~*

One of my best friends was born without a vaginal hole. She found out the hard way... her period couldn't come out so she was getting sick and her belly just kept getting all the more painful. An Ob Gyne guessed right and my friend was operated on.

She led a basically normal life after that. Her Ob Gyne's only request is that she come in for a check-up every year, and that my friend have all the kids she wants by 35.

My friend had to undergo treatment for myoma at age 28 or so.

She got married at age 30.

Now at age 31, she has polycystic ovaries and is generally having trouble conceiving.

*~*

Once upon a time, my boss dabbled in pre-marital sex with her then bf. One hit wonder of wonders, she got pregnant from one mating. She was 18.

They finished college, got their degrees and licenses and got married at age 22.

They later on had 2 more kids (2 boys, 2 consecutive years).

Then last year, they had another girl.

And she's expecting to give birth again May next year. yes, to their 5th child. And she's only 31 years old.

*~*

In fact, 4 of my colleagues became mothers the moment they gave up their virginity.

And one of my colleagues has one child and miscarried 3 times.

*~*

One other bestfriend suddenly found herself being probed and checked by an Ob Gyne. Her period wouldn't stop and it's been a month.

She was diagnosed to have an 8-cm MYOMA. And she was told it's been cramping her 9.5 something cm uterus. She has to have it operated on asap before it could do more damage. True enough, she's been severely anemic these days because the bleeding wouldn't stop. Unless she takes Hemostan like they're multi-vitamins.

It only showed symptoms around 2 months ago.

And I don't know why her operation would be BLOODY (is it like that for cysts?) but she's also taking Iron pills right now. And we've delegated JRA to stand by for blood donation since they're both Type O.

To say am worried for her is putting it mildly. Esply if you put in the fact that she's also prone to allergies and she's an epileptic.

*~*

And there's that odds thing. What are the odds that 2 of my bestfriends would have reproductive health problems?

I went to a new Ob last Saturday. So far, the most I have is mild UTI (i've always been plagued by UTI since childhood anyway) and she says she doesn't feel any mass or whatever at all in my belly.

I also had a pap smear/gram stain done. Awaiting results. We just wanted to be sure since I am on the pill and sexually-active.

*~*

Suddenly, fertility has become a personal issue for me.

I have always wanted to be a mother. Yes, I have also always been open to adoption. But I have always wanted to be a mother.

And adoption before was something generous I can do for some stranger's child, not something i'd HAVE to do just to become a Mom.

But suddenly, it occurred to me, I don't really have an idea if i'd be blessed with 'natural sons and daughters'.

Could I still live gracefully even if I can't conceive? Will I rage?

I know that just because a woman could shouldn't automatically mean she would want to get pregnant. But I can almost taste how awful it could be to have always wanted to be a Mom and be unable to be one.

*~*

And in the midst of all these uncertainties and worries, my respect for adoptive parents was strengthened.

And my gratitude for men who stuck by their wives increased.

And hope springs anew to see marriages thriving despite the lack of kids.

And I'd still always pray that women all over the world lead fuller, richer, more inspiring lives, even if they don't become Mothers (by virtue of choice or circumstance).

And i'd still always be amazed that every child indeed is a blessing... that every pregnancy, a miracle. For even the healthiest of couples sometimes cannot conceive.

And i'd always be grateful that JRA seems to be a man who will make a good father and also a good husband, who will stay in-love with me even if I don't become a 'natural Mom'.

*~*

Life has a greater plan. May I learn to bend to its will more willingly and gracefully indeed.

But if it isn't a tall order... healthy twins would be nice :)

But like most parents, i'd settle for healthy, happy children. Of course.