MEComposing

Around four years ago, I joined a certain ygroup where I made lots of good friends. We became so close that we started our own ygroup where we can rant and rave to our heart's content without really having to share those with so many faceless people. Plus, aside from all the ygroup-related stuff, we talked about our favorite music, our love stories, etc.

The camarederie our 'clique' enjoyed became evident to some of the others in the bigger ygroup at a grand EB. Maybe some thought us too loud and visible. But surely it's not our fault if we were a group who were game in joining singing and dancing and eating and kissing contests? But anyway...

One or two women approached one of us to ask if she can join our group. And though most of us liked those two women, all were apprehensive about having 'new members' who didn't have as long a history with the ygroup as we all had. And dang me, I said something like... let's just hang out with them but let's not let them join us, since they might not be in the same wavelength as us (since we were a pretty crazy bunch).

Can you see how easily that can be taken out of context? :)

So yeah... although we didn't mean anything MEAN, it did sound a trifle elitist. As if we're too good a group to have new 'members'. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So imagine the uproar it caused when one of us elaborated on what I said and mistakenly sent it to the whole ygroup.

Ugh. Talk about ugly.

I felt so bad because the one who accidentally sent it is a truly helpful, friendly, wonderful woman who has went out of her way many times for other members of the ygroup. And suddenly, there are these people who are labelling her as elitist, arrogant, etc. Ugh. Talk about angry.

And we couldn't fan the flames of these people's wrath by defending our friend... surely you know how others who don't really have much of a life will stick to their guns and insist on having the last say? And we didn't want more obnoxious remarks thrown our friend's way, she felt bad enough as it was.

Sigh. We even got a 'public scolding' about getting a big head etc.

But we decided to just keep mum and stay friends. We knew what we meant and we know we were the most helpful bunch in the ygroup anyway. For a time though, rather than broadcast to all something we know is helpful, we'd just privately message someone. It was either that or be branded as a know-it-all all over again.

Around this time too, I always got asked to join YM conferences... where some older members of the ygroup have formed their own clique, and were only too happy to pass judgment on my friend. Actually, I even think they were only inviting me for comic relief... somebody to make fun of, after. One of them, in particular, hated me for reasons I don't know... and she'd sometimes type in the wrong window (where I can read it) her comment about how sablay I was for saying something was so... only, it wasn't me that said the something she thought was stupid.

So, yeah... I wondered if she was a truly happy woman, wife and mother. Because if she were, why would she be threatened by me?

Around this time too... i'd see nasty anonymous comments left in my main blog. And a friend did say that she would sometimes be asked to YM conferences only to be deluged with judgment about how promiscuous my blog is.

After all, I was posting nude (if cropped) pictures of myself.

Imagine how annoyed that made me, to have a friend hassled over my blog. Why not invite me? I'd gladly answer questions even if I don't defend my choices of blog entries! And why keep coming back to get upset? Isn't that a sick, stupid undertaking?

And why this post? Because someone just told me that she was one of those who were around when others were being offended by me posting a picture of my butt. It seems, they were all like, "why did she have to post a picture of her a$$?"

Well, why the hell not?

And given my grief these days about not having that fine specimen of an a$$ anymore, I am seriously more than happy that I was able to immortalize it when it was still truly glorious.

It's just really ugly that some adults, who are already married and raising kids, still don't have enough life experience to respect other people's way of life. And if only I don't want to court bad karmic retribution, i'd really wish their husbands to be frequenting MTC and jacking off on some of my posts! Just so they'll really have something to be threatened about.

And yes... I am still bloody insomniac.

*~*


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