MEComposing

My favorite aunt was regalling JRA with stories of my childhood/babyhood... she couldn't help but laugh everytime she tells of how, even when I was bawling my heart out, i'd always stop when asked to sing, and then i'd pick up where I left my tears and start crying again...

And then she commented... that is why mothers (or parents) can never ever really get angry with their children, or turn their backs on them... because in their hearts, they'd always remember the childhood antics and baby cuteness of their children...

*~*

My Dad's fave story of me is that time we attended Mass in Antipolo Church. My Dad, carrying me in his arms, leaned over so I can dip my fingers in the Holy Water... and supposedly make the sign of the cross.

I did make the sign of the cross... only, I did it not to myself, but to the statue of the Blessed Virgin holding the shell of Holy Water.

Maybe I figured, her hands were full and she needed help.

*~*

My cousin's fave story is how, every morning when am in Bicol... my maternal grandma would walk the length of the seawall with me in her arms, to catch the early morning sun's rays...

One time, she fell off the seawall...

But I was unharmed... because she cradled me in her arms and landed on the rocks, with me lying on her chest.

*~*

Mom would also often tell me... how, after Mass in Paco Church, my Dad was hit by a car...

I was in his arms and the impact found me hurtling in the air...

To land on vegetables being sold along the sidewalk.

Yes, I was also unharmed.

*~*

It's also family legend already, that story when I was found under a buffet table... all red and filled with rashes... inebriated to the core and not even 3 years old... in one family gathering where someone didn't notice that he or she was giving me PUNCH and not JUICE...

And of course, how insanely mad my lola was...

*~*

As a token role reversal... I keep telling of how my bro and I once had a trash can between us at the foot of my parents' bed, as we were eating butong pakwan (watermelon seeds), and taking turns feeding a happily cooing Grace who was sitting on the bed.

She got too excited and fell head first into the trash can.

My bro and I were stunned for a minute before we scrambled to help our sister out of the trash can... but not before laughing at her first as we watched her wave her legs in the air...

Luckily, she laughed happily again on the bed. And we kept laughing and laughing and laughing about it.

And that's the only time I can remember being UNABLE to eat butong pakwan.

*~*

Got this from my friend Lorie. If you have time, please take this test...

I couldn't help but get upset over GMA last night, because of her lack of comment regarding the Jalosjos pardon issue that's been making headlines during the Holidays.

Even the dam*ed Congress seems to be in favor now of pardoning him.

And though i'm not much of a fan of both Gabriela and Atty. Katrina Legarda, I cannot help but feel a little more hopeful that they're voicing out against the atrocity.

Back to GMA... I hated her lack of comment... because that cannot help but suggest to me that she still has no definite stand on this one, and further implies that she may still be swayed.

Not that her words and promises really account for a lot of things these days...

But she's a woman... and a mother!!! I actually want her to stand up for women and mothers parents and show that she at least upholds justice for victims and survivors of child abuse.

But I guess that's too much to ask...

*~*

I bloody well dam*ed gained weight!

Last November.. I was only a friggin' 120 lbs.

Sniff...

Not that the Holidays didn't bring with it the usual food binge... then again, I wasn't able to do that even, because I was sick.

But because I was sick, I was mostly bedridden... sleeping or watching TV and only eating meals because I was taking medication.

No exercise, no late night parties, no detrimental secondhand smoking, no frenzied travel from one gathering to another...

Sniff... I so gained weight.

I am now... a whopping... 121 lbs.

Waaahhhhhhhhhh........ :p

I meant to write about the greed that is prevalent the most during Christmastime... and am not talking about politicians and corrupt government employees...

Heck, you don't even have to look very far... because the kind of greed and superficiality am talking about flourishes in our very own homes...

*~*

I will not be a hypocrite and say that I was not given to the same as a child. Aside from hoping my godparents would give me money, i'd even compare my loot with that of my brother's... people tended to give more money to younger kids... and so, I grew up with him getting more money than I ever did...

Heck, sometimes, i'd even compare gifts I got with that of my cousins. It will forever make me resentful that my aunts and uncles saw it fit to send me dolls... which I really didn't like playing with... while they sent my male cousins Lego sets..

I'd go ballistic inside and think my older relatives to be moronic... for thinking that I, a school achiever and bookworm, wouldn't also love to play with Legos. Hmmpf...

But I digress...

When I became an adult (if I want, I may even be able to pinpoint the exact moment this happened... and the exact moment I realized that even adults can be petty and irrational and cruel... and that i'd always be part-child... petulant and needy and emotional and naive... yes, naive... ok, fine... romantic na nga lang, wag naive...), I started being the one to give gifts.

First, it was only my sis and I sort of doted on her of course. I was wary of giving too expensive a gift that's pretty useless... but I saved for things I know she'd really like to have, that I could never have before...

And then came my nieces and nephews. And again, I doted on them... I always bought food pasalubongs (stick-o's, chocolates, ice cream, cake, biscuits, yakult, etc.) for them... aside from buying little things like pensils, books, show cards, coloring books and pens, etc.

I've also always tried giving responsibly... buying toys that are educational and for me, thoughtful... such as kiddie pools, face paints, toy clays, etc.

And of course, I buy them clothes which they'd use for a long time.

And when I can, of course I give them money. Like what I said, I doted on them. I moved heaven and earth to throw Ela a party she'd always wanted but that's because I love her, she deserves it, and her biological parents are sh!tty. Anyway...

These things, I freely do.

And these things, I hate doing when demanded.

Fortunately for me, my close cousins, despite always kidding me about giving their kids money, are considerate enough to be aware that I already give to their kids year-round. And that they didn't have to get me for a NINANG to ensure such things.

*~*

This Christmas found me cash-strapped... because I intend to buy a new cell phone. I texted two of my kumares asking them for anything specific my inaanaks might want, also asking that it not be something expensive, and something I can buy at SM or Rob because i'd be using gift cheques instead.

Merong makulit who answered... "Sana cash na lang kasi we're saving up for a high chair."

Sinabi na ngang ala akong cash!!!! Howell... it turned out, I missed seeing her son because I was sick when they threw a party for him last Dec. 11.

And then I was told I was chosen to be Ninang of one of my cousin's newborn. I kinda wanted to remind my cousin living with us that her sis shouldn't get me for a Ninang anymore, because am already Ninang to her brother's firstborn. I mean, I know I was mainly chosen because of my financial standing, and not due to any sentimental reason... especially since they're living in some far-off Sultan Kudarat place where the child will grow up never knowing me anyway. And yet, they've requested I send baby dresses.

But i've already spent much on Maurisha's cousin Marjorie's clothes and school supplies!

Hmmpf...

One of JRA's old classmates called him up to tell him she's chosen him to be Ninong. And she requested a Baby Guess anything for the child. JRA was kind enough not to tell the mother off... but I really ranted to him that I never asked him for anything like that, and am supposed to be the great love of his life! Hmmpf...

And then there are people who know my father... who'd get me for Ninang to one of their many children... because of, again, my gift-giving capacity. And I don't even know these kids.

I mean, shouldn't you make someone a Ninang if you're close with that person... and that person has offered?

Honestly, I won't mind being Ninang to my siblings' and close cousins and friends' kids... not because I have sooo much money to give away, but because of the simple reason that I want to continue my love and attachment for that sibling/relative/friend through that child...

Ugh...

*~*

And I so hate being Ninang, and attending the baptism, and not knowing my fellow Ninangs... because there are 10 or so of us there... aside from the 10 or so other Ninongs... I hate not feeling special... because i've always attached a sense of responsibility to ninanghood...

What's up with that crap? To ensure more gifts, that's what!!!

But never for me... I've always vowed that my kids' godparents would be a maximum set of 3... because I have to allow for my many relatives and friends...

But that's it.

I even dream of buying tokens for my kids' ninangs and ninongs someday... because I don't want any kumares and kumpares thinking my kids are leeches... and to teach my babies not to be corrupt-officials-in-training...

*~*

Traditionally, in our family, whoever was your baptismal godparents would also be your wedding godparents... Supposedly, they saw you grow up and will continue guiding your development as you become married and have kids of your own.

That's one fine tradition of my father's family... something my cousins observed in their own weddings...

That's just the way it is.

And so shall it be for my own wedding.

And again, I will not be hypocritical and say that it won't be nice to have a ninong or ninang who can sponsor some ofthe major stuff in the wedding...

But i'd hate to be outshined by a principal sponsor on my wedding day.

And i'd hate to have some famous person outshine the real mentors of my life... the aunts and uncles and other older people I look up to and learn from and respect.

And it's going to be a maximum of 5 sets for my wedding... because it sure as hell ain't a circus.

*~*

And the sure as hell fact of the matter is... walang patagong pera sakin lahat ng inaanak at pamangkin ko.

*~*

I remembered to write about this because of one of Sassy's posts...

Around five years ago, it dawned on my Dad and his siblings that half of them are already in the US, and most of the apos here are already grown, some already having families of their own.

They decided to celebrate Noche Buena together, alternating from the 3 major houses in Lipa (my Lola's, where Tita Ester lives with her family, my parents' and my Tito Dolfo's) and having everyone else just bring food.

The first was held at Tito Dolfo's, it was a really cold and stormy Noche Buena then... where the ricefield bordering my uncle's house invited more wind to assault us wide awake into the wee hours of the morning. My lawyer cousin tried feeding everyone helpings upon helpings of the blueberry cheesecake she just learned to make. It was Christmas 2000.

The next was held at my Lola's... the highlight of which was, my Mom hosting a Bring Me/Answer Me game... my cousins and I frenzily counted window panes, and thought of birthdays just to get the cash money my Mom was doling out for every right answer. My cousin's wife even bundled the then infant Bryant and brought him out into the cold December night so she'd win the BRING ME THE BABY OF THE FAMILY... My cousin from the US loved my Mom's hot cocoa... and his brother thought he died and went to heaven because we had chix-mac salad, fruit salad and buko pandan aside from pancit and spaghetti... and sotanghon soup... all of which were his favorites. It was Christmas 2001.

The next was held at our house in Lipa, where KC made sure nobody else would use the mic which was already filled with his saliva as he sang along the videoke. The highlight of the night? JRA arrived with bubbles for the kids which they loved... Mom hosted the usual games and gave away money and presents. She really loves hosting, and I know she really saves all her Christmas money to give away to kids. It was Christmas 2002.

The next was held again at my Lola's house, because other cousins from the US came (they haven't visited since 1994). They arrived in the Philippines at midnight... and arrived in Lipa around past 2 am. We all waited for their return, as my Dad and some cousins went to fetch them from the airport, and the family was just not complete without everyone there. The highlight of that feast? Of course, the opening of the balikbayan boxes. And JRA arriving with goodie bags (containing bubbles, of course) and GLOW STICKS. That was Christmas 2003.

And then, because my parents are leaving with my sister this year for the US, together with another uncle and cousin, our eldest cousins agreed to hold our Noche Buena at my parents' home again. This time, nobody else brought food... but we had a feast anyway. The kids enjoyed the DUYAN while the men drank beer and gin and brandy while getting scolded by KC, who was also lording it over everyone that he got a 100 score from the videoke machine... there were goodie bags and exchange gifts and the kids, of course, quarreled and cried and fought and got scolded over many things.

*~*

Year 2005 is Year of the Rooster. My boss says that experts say the year does not bode well for everyone... as it's main element is also WOOD. I think they even say that there is no beginning foreseen for this year... as nothing in the known zodiacs suggest water (wealth) and fire (fame). yada-yada-yada.

And yet, my cousin is graduating this March... and moving out of our household.

And my parents and my sister are migrating to the US, also this March.

My hipag will also be coming back, and chances are, my bro just might impregnate her again (she got pregnant with Pyro after she came back from i forgot which country... and they weren't living together yet then).

And i'd be leaving home to make an honest man out of JRA and live happily ever after with him.

Beginnings... transition year... thresholds waiting to be crossed. And i'm reeling from the emotional highs and lows of it all... anticipating and excited with the promises... and resisting and attempting to deny the changes.

*~*

Speaking of not so baby steps...

My recently widowed friend Laura has also joined the blogging world... check her out as she deals with losing a much-loved spouse here. She also thanks everyone of you (my blog friends) who extended prayers for her beloved.

And my friend Jong would also be taking the BAR EXAM this year...

And my friend Jet would be attempting to realize a DREAM this year... so may she find success in the US too...

And my fave boss, Len, has given birth to Gabrielle Jeanne last Dec. 24... and is currently spending her maternity leave fussing and nursing a nocturnal angel, her 4th child... (i was just really sick the whole Holidays but there's something about being texted at 7 am last dec. 24, informing you of the birth, that was both humbling and inspiring and heartwarming)

*~*

Like what I've been blogging about... December was horrible to my throat and sinuses... I mostly stayed home and slept... there were even days when i'd only be awake for a total 6 hours...

I skipped on a lot of gimmicks and parties, fearful that ciggy smoke would further aggravate what was already a really bad condition... nights were especially bad because i'd be sneezing my head off... My cousin even said, though I wasn't snoring in my sleep (as i'm wont to do when i have a stuffy nose), she could tell I was troubled because i kept moaning and talking and thrashing about all those nights...

Dec. 30, I was well and courageous enough to attend the Pinoybloggers' EB... since a lot of bloggers have touched my life and I wanted to meet them in person... some even visiting from abroad... good thing it was at Cabalen in Mega Mall... I didn't really have to handle 2ndhand smoking the whole night...

Am still sick... coming back from Lipa last night resulted into another allergy attack...

And my own sorrows rendered my already puffy eyes... more puffy...

Migraine alert is on HIGH... but I couldn't skip work... wonder if am fit to teach later though...

*~*

Last Christmas, I gathered enough energy to go to my uncle's house... because he'd been sending word that we should go there. He is my mother's brother who lives just one jeepney ride away from us. Traditionally, he and Mom would just be exchanging relatives for guests on Christmas Day... where people would eat food there and have dessert in our house, or vice versa.

But due to the 5-year tradition we've started in Lipa... people would often just eat and feast at Tito Darmo's and just call on us in the afternoon, already bursting with food and money... for more gifts and money. This is because, we'd usually get back to Manila around lunch time, and Mom has to cook food pa.

He was his usual masungit-sounding self, treating us like kids who wouldn't resist the food on their table, and the chocolates and cakes and ice cream on their fridge... growing up, i've always loved going to their place because they always had sooo many food... and sooo many chocolates... and he's always been generous with them. (I think the conservative slice of the Black Forest cake is what triggered another tonsillitis attack for me... because it was the only sweet I had there... and 2 hours later, my throat was hurting like hell again)

My aunt (his wife) and I got to discussing family affairs... she told us that my uncle is expecting some Php6k from work and plans to give it to their youngest brother, who is undergoing treatment for prostate cancer. This brother isn't exactly poor yet, not having kids of his own, and his wife also earns really well at BSP. But my uncle, like my Mom, is like that... through the years, they've always been the ones to shoulder almost everything...

My Tito Darmo has also been trying to get rid of his kidney stones. Providentially enough, he's been responding to herbal treatments and SEEMS to not need the surgery advised for him by doctors. My aunt says, my uncle doesn't want to get operated on because he fears it would weaken him (If really necessary, they'd also opt for laser surgery... ther're totally against opening him up in whatever way)... and he's scared of "getting old and weak" because he still wants to support and raise his grandkids...

One of which is 4 years old, born with a hole in her heart, a hole which has been steadily growing bigger...

And I realized then, i'm still luckier because my parents are still healthier... and because, despite these obvious grievances, my uncle and his family continue to thrive and love each other...

They also offered to be the ones to give me away if my wedding day comes, and my parents aren't around to do it for me...

Christmas is about things you can depend on and keep faith with... like my family...

*~*

I wouldn't end this post without sharing some pics... these ones taken last January 01, eve of the barrio fiesta in my Dad's hometown...

As you can see, Bitoy taught Pyro that they're far cuter than the displays on my Lola's shelf...

And of course, Pyro liked licking the isaw...



*~*

Saw my ex, Neil, and his preggy wife at the Church... howell...

Still sick!!!

Just when I thought, I was going to be OK... I had another allergic rhinitis attack... which lasted for at least 3 days...

And just when I thought there's relief, finally, in sight... my throat started feeling sore again.

Even no-drowse antihistamines make me feel drugged...

Ergo, I haven't really enjoyed Christmas food :(

*~*

I hope everyone else is having a merry time...

*~*

Let's all pray for those affected by the earthquake that hit South Asia.

*~*

This much I know... if you buy Quail Eggs from the Bus station in Buendia, and started eating them right at the beginning of Star Tollway in Sto. Tomas (Calabarzon), you'd just have enough time to pop the last egg in your mouth when you get to the Lipa Exit of the tollway... that's 6 eggs all in all, methinks :D

I'm too sick, actually...

But not too sick to disappoint my Office and fail to show up for the talent ekek contest... And dance as a Christmas Gift Box onstage. My heroic act was rewarded, and we bagged the 2nd prize.

And I had a great time, yes... :)

*~*

At last, FPJ is buried...

*~*

But my friend John's father isn't... yet... having only died this morning... May I just share a poem shared/offered for him by our friend Laura, originally posted in MTC...

Deep peace on the running wave to you
Deep peace on the flowing air to you
Deep peace on the quiet earth to you
Deep peace of the shining stars to you
Deep peace of the gentle night to you
Moon and stars pour their healing light on you
Deep peace to you
- traditional Gaelic blessing

May nobody else lose a loved one this Christmas season... and may everyone find something to feel grateful for...

*~*

And if it's not too much, please pray my allergic rhinitis cease tormenting me. I'm just so tired of being sick... I'm also real weary of feeling drugged...

... found me sick.

Actually, I wasn't dying, that much I know... but I suspected throat and sinus infection, and true enough, I was proven correct...

by this really cool doctor I found holding office in one of those medical buildings in front of PGH (I don't want to rant anymore about our company's sh!tty health card and how some doctors do not even have the decency to call their office to say WHAT TIME they're actually coming to work, IF ever they really still intend to...)

SO... anyway, he's an ENT who's also a cosmetic surgeon. And he's gay. And he's my first ever gay doctor and he was soooo cool. I just assumed of course that he's gay, despite his muscled 6 feet plus frame... because he was wearing his hair up to his shoulders, and he talks and moves like one. We didn't exactly discuss his sexual orientation.

He was dressed casually, and he invited me to an office with these high, funky, yellow chairs and asked me to sit down. One wall was filled with the usual diplomas and certificates of training, one wall was filled with sketches and black and white tasteful pictures of nude women, and another wall was filled with picture frames (in solid red, blue, green and yellow colors) with photos of him with friends and families in various trips. His walls were painted green and blue. I commented on how nice his office was, particularly the wall with the multitude of pictures from ceiling to floor... and he said he was the one who painted his office.

Aside from his clinic not being typical... he fully explained to my addled brain what I have to do, and why. He also drew pictures of my nose, ears, and throat to point out to me which parts were swollen/infected, which were a-ok, and also gave me a card and encouraged me to text him if what he prescribed wasn't working. He encouraged questions, he assured me I didn't have polyps, etc.

The catch, he charged me Php500. But still, it's seldom that you actually like going to a doctor and you leave him feeling psychologically/emotionally better because he actually made you smile and feel good.

Oh, I have sinusitis, tonsillitis, pharyngitis concomittant with my allergic rhinitis (?). And of course, I was mostly sleeping all weekend.

*~*

I haven't blogged about him really for a loooong time now... Anyway, suffice it to say that he's fast growing up and wreaking more and more havoc in the house, and onto himself. His knees are often scabbed... mainly because he kept on picking on his wounds. He keeps on tripping and falling and bumping everywhere.

But some things haven't changed... we still gather around him a lot, and clap at his accomplishments. He can now say "Ninang", much to my sister's delight. Of course, he also calls his Ninong, Ninang. Same way that he doesn't call any guy Tito, and calls the rest of us Tita. Same way that he calls my Mom, Lola... but cannot call my Dad Lolo. He even calls everyone Mommy, even his Dad. Yes, this boy is being raised by WOMEN.. but he's a boy through and through...

He still likes raiding our closets, and making a mess in our room. He still doesn't really love milk, and doesn't like anything chocolate. He still doesn't know how to properly crawl, even though he already runs very fast. He still insists upon our UNdivided attention... and we're all still quick to come to him whenever we hear him whimper in his sleep. Sigh...


Ang Batang Naglalandi sa Ilalim ng Kulambo

*~*

I was fit enough to go to Mass at least yesterday, and I decided to bring the little tyke with me and JRA. My sister had to come along too, in case Pyro decides to like... need a diaper change.

He loved the fountain at Paco Park. And he discovered that if he babbles a syllable loud enough, he can enjoy an echo inside the Church. I suspect, he just made us SIN by bringing him along, for we couldn't really concentrate on the Mass... what with my sister or JRA having to run outside with him when he's getting TOO DELIGHTED with his echo... and having him keep going back inside the Church once he's outside. He's one-and-a-half... we can't exactly shush him... or prevent him from smiling up at other ladies who would, in turn, find him irresistible.

Heck, even a girl his age started cooing at him happily... and surprisingly enough, that made him quiet.

This is him with his super loving Ninang... later on, he managed to trip two people at Rob Place... none of us got to enjoy our Jollibee dinners (he could identify Jollibee already, mumbling JABI and slapping the statue everytime he can).

Needless to say, he made me vow to bring him along again... when he's already 5 or so. I sometimes wish he'd be the type to just play under tables while we eat our meals... but then again, that wouldn't be PYRO.

*~*

kitakits na lang sa Pinoybloggers' Christmas Party at Cabalen, SM Mega Mall, Dec 30, 7 pm onwards...