MEComposing

I meant to write about the greed that is prevalent the most during Christmastime... and am not talking about politicians and corrupt government employees...

Heck, you don't even have to look very far... because the kind of greed and superficiality am talking about flourishes in our very own homes...

*~*

I will not be a hypocrite and say that I was not given to the same as a child. Aside from hoping my godparents would give me money, i'd even compare my loot with that of my brother's... people tended to give more money to younger kids... and so, I grew up with him getting more money than I ever did...

Heck, sometimes, i'd even compare gifts I got with that of my cousins. It will forever make me resentful that my aunts and uncles saw it fit to send me dolls... which I really didn't like playing with... while they sent my male cousins Lego sets..

I'd go ballistic inside and think my older relatives to be moronic... for thinking that I, a school achiever and bookworm, wouldn't also love to play with Legos. Hmmpf...

But I digress...

When I became an adult (if I want, I may even be able to pinpoint the exact moment this happened... and the exact moment I realized that even adults can be petty and irrational and cruel... and that i'd always be part-child... petulant and needy and emotional and naive... yes, naive... ok, fine... romantic na nga lang, wag naive...), I started being the one to give gifts.

First, it was only my sis and I sort of doted on her of course. I was wary of giving too expensive a gift that's pretty useless... but I saved for things I know she'd really like to have, that I could never have before...

And then came my nieces and nephews. And again, I doted on them... I always bought food pasalubongs (stick-o's, chocolates, ice cream, cake, biscuits, yakult, etc.) for them... aside from buying little things like pensils, books, show cards, coloring books and pens, etc.

I've also always tried giving responsibly... buying toys that are educational and for me, thoughtful... such as kiddie pools, face paints, toy clays, etc.

And of course, I buy them clothes which they'd use for a long time.

And when I can, of course I give them money. Like what I said, I doted on them. I moved heaven and earth to throw Ela a party she'd always wanted but that's because I love her, she deserves it, and her biological parents are sh!tty. Anyway...

These things, I freely do.

And these things, I hate doing when demanded.

Fortunately for me, my close cousins, despite always kidding me about giving their kids money, are considerate enough to be aware that I already give to their kids year-round. And that they didn't have to get me for a NINANG to ensure such things.

*~*

This Christmas found me cash-strapped... because I intend to buy a new cell phone. I texted two of my kumares asking them for anything specific my inaanaks might want, also asking that it not be something expensive, and something I can buy at SM or Rob because i'd be using gift cheques instead.

Merong makulit who answered... "Sana cash na lang kasi we're saving up for a high chair."

Sinabi na ngang ala akong cash!!!! Howell... it turned out, I missed seeing her son because I was sick when they threw a party for him last Dec. 11.

And then I was told I was chosen to be Ninang of one of my cousin's newborn. I kinda wanted to remind my cousin living with us that her sis shouldn't get me for a Ninang anymore, because am already Ninang to her brother's firstborn. I mean, I know I was mainly chosen because of my financial standing, and not due to any sentimental reason... especially since they're living in some far-off Sultan Kudarat place where the child will grow up never knowing me anyway. And yet, they've requested I send baby dresses.

But i've already spent much on Maurisha's cousin Marjorie's clothes and school supplies!

Hmmpf...

One of JRA's old classmates called him up to tell him she's chosen him to be Ninong. And she requested a Baby Guess anything for the child. JRA was kind enough not to tell the mother off... but I really ranted to him that I never asked him for anything like that, and am supposed to be the great love of his life! Hmmpf...

And then there are people who know my father... who'd get me for Ninang to one of their many children... because of, again, my gift-giving capacity. And I don't even know these kids.

I mean, shouldn't you make someone a Ninang if you're close with that person... and that person has offered?

Honestly, I won't mind being Ninang to my siblings' and close cousins and friends' kids... not because I have sooo much money to give away, but because of the simple reason that I want to continue my love and attachment for that sibling/relative/friend through that child...

Ugh...

*~*

And I so hate being Ninang, and attending the baptism, and not knowing my fellow Ninangs... because there are 10 or so of us there... aside from the 10 or so other Ninongs... I hate not feeling special... because i've always attached a sense of responsibility to ninanghood...

What's up with that crap? To ensure more gifts, that's what!!!

But never for me... I've always vowed that my kids' godparents would be a maximum set of 3... because I have to allow for my many relatives and friends...

But that's it.

I even dream of buying tokens for my kids' ninangs and ninongs someday... because I don't want any kumares and kumpares thinking my kids are leeches... and to teach my babies not to be corrupt-officials-in-training...

*~*

Traditionally, in our family, whoever was your baptismal godparents would also be your wedding godparents... Supposedly, they saw you grow up and will continue guiding your development as you become married and have kids of your own.

That's one fine tradition of my father's family... something my cousins observed in their own weddings...

That's just the way it is.

And so shall it be for my own wedding.

And again, I will not be hypocritical and say that it won't be nice to have a ninong or ninang who can sponsor some ofthe major stuff in the wedding...

But i'd hate to be outshined by a principal sponsor on my wedding day.

And i'd hate to have some famous person outshine the real mentors of my life... the aunts and uncles and other older people I look up to and learn from and respect.

And it's going to be a maximum of 5 sets for my wedding... because it sure as hell ain't a circus.

*~*

And the sure as hell fact of the matter is... walang patagong pera sakin lahat ng inaanak at pamangkin ko.

*~*

I remembered to write about this because of one of Sassy's posts...