MEComposing

Suddenly, the world is making me realize how truly conservative, inhibited and err... repressed I may still be..

*~*

Was talking to someone about loving, relationships and commitments... I know I would always sound conceited when I say that I have always found it easy to get loved by someone....

It's just that, eventhough I could return the devotion... something just keeps me holding back...

*~*

My Dad used to ask me what made me hate him... and what made me stop being HIS little girl... his baby...

I couldn't tell him... I could never have him confirm it to my face... or worse, have him lie to my face... that once, he so betrayed our family by mistress-ing a former maid... with the justification that Mom wasn't sweet and was always tired... and his kids don't seem to need him or want to spend time with him...

It may have been mid-life crisis... where a person starts to question his worth... the roles he play... and whether he's achieved to be the person he wanted to be years ago...

I know I wasn't much of a daughter then... too preoccupied with finding and then reinventing myself... I know Mom has always been really such a cold fish in their relationship...

But nothing will ever justify the everlasting damage to the trust and respect that he created....

And though i've come to terms with that episode... and that we're a better family now...

I still will not be able to confront my Dad about this...