9:12 PM Sunday, July 20, 2003

My sister hollered at me to go down... and smilingly broke to me the news....

BRUTUS IS DEAD

And as the tears readily sprung to my eyes... I went back to my room to cry my heart out.

He died several days short of his tenth year with our family. He came to us last July 28, 1993... i've buried the other parrot he arrived with... but I wasn't able to give him the same.

Dad should have told me yesterday... I wasn't even able to see him one last time... I didn't get to say goodbye...

And i'm thinking... was it raining so bad last friday night... and it got too cold for him at Lipa? Was that it?

I can't even type so well right now, the tears are blurring my vision...

And as my heart gently weeps the loss of a friend... the one I turned to during my turbulent adolescence for comfort... the only one who's always brought a smile to my lips... whose cage I hugged all those times I wanted to die before...

All I can think of now is... I fed him buttered popcorn the last time I saw him.

And it hurts so bad... I am struggling even to call up my exes and cry to them... for they'd understand how much Brutus meant to me...

And it hurts so bad that nobody in my life right now will probably understand the bond I shared with him...

And I know i'm getting all melodramatic for just a parrot.

But he was our parrot....

He was MY parrot

And I love him dearly...

And I can still hear his shrieks of recognition for me... or when he's remonstrating me for my long absences.... and I can still remember the soft feel of his plummage... and how he's been the handsomest male in my life for me... and I can still smell his scent... his cage.. his feet....

And i'm gonna miss coming home to him when I go home to Lipa... he's been a constant presence in my homes....

But then again... why should I cry for something that I know... is happily shrieking in heaven...

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