MEComposing

I was having this vanilla something here at Cebu-Mactan International Airport, hoping my flight back to Manila yesterday won't be delayed... and contemplating what i'd blog about my recent Cebu trip...

Apart from liking the dry massage I got from somewhere (it's a massage parlor at Fuente) and eating at this resto at SM Manila... and joshing w/ friends who were regalling me with their drunken-vomit stories... it was actually uneventful.

But yes, I couldn't resist undressing in the lawyer's office where I slept... and taking pics of myself.

*~*

Another internet friend called me today and marvelled that I knew a very good friend of his... and then told me the sad news... that RON is dead.

I've never met him... But he's been a blog friend for over a year now. And it upsets me that our last YM chat isn't archived. He told me he was having problems with his gf then. And me, I was just teasing him to his bestfriend Rosa. And he was critiquing my naughty pics scattered around the net. And he also offered to host my tame pics so that I need not worry about posting lots of pictures of my nephew in my blog.

And now this... he's the 3rd internet friend who has committed suicide for the past 6 months.

What an ugly word, suicide...

And I cannot think of a sadder concept right now.

I'm praying for you Ron. I'm praying you find peace. I'm praying Kat gets through this. I'm praying your family gets to understand in time. I'm praying I can visit you at your wake since your wedding will not be pushing through...

And most of all, am praying for all those others who are thinking of doing the same thing... please don't...

*~*

I just hope, that all the men who vow to love me, will love me enough to live for me, even if I cannot be with all of them...

instead of giving up on other opportunities, on other loves...

*~*

And I don't know what's wrong with me... i've been snapping at everyone, including waiters and such. And that's not me, even at the worst of moods.

And where other things will easily move me, like Ron's death, or losing a friend (Rhonna, I know you don't read this, but again, I am not the one lying to you right now, and I am the one truly loving you right now), or even my nephew's smile...

I'm just generally numb, preoccupied and irritated.

Sigh.

What is life telling me?