MEComposing

First... let me say some things to the dead people in my life... according to who finished his life's purpose first...

Shella, died before turning 1 None of your siblings are visiting your grave this year, and yes, sometimes they tend to forget you sometimes. You can't really blame them... none of them really knew you. But I know you're watching over your twin... and I know she longs for you. And I still think of the way you looked at me that day I left you at the hospital... wondering if you were silently asking me to stay... or silently saying goodbye. I'd always, always love you...

Kuya Jerry, died because he intervened when his friend was being sliced up in a fight Ate Gang misses you, a lot. She's always saying that had you been alive, your siblings would be living better lives... and you'd be able to exact some control from them. Ate Gang gets tired sometimes by picking up after your siblings' bad decisions... but she loves your nieces and nephews very much. By the way, Sarah is due to have another baby soon... and am sure you already know that. I hope you'd just watch them for us, especially when Ate Gang cannot...

Papay, who died from kidney problems and prostate cancer We still talk of how you visited Ate Veron after your death... and of how Tin and Rez were throwing stones at your coffin, unaware in their young age of all the implications of that wooden box the rest of the family watched over during the days of your wake. We still laugh nervously at how, left alone in our homes, our fridge door kept opening, and we kept smelling of candles. You should see Bitoy, how he's the spitting image of Tito Abe. And please watch over Tito Abe, more than root for his health, please help him realize instead that he's led a selfish, purposeless life.

Mamay, who suffered a stroke while we were sleeping I don't know what to say... it's you I miss the most. In my own way, and because I only had good memories of you, I still feel closer to you than Mom. I still miss your cooking... I still devour every bit of story of my childhood because you were there. I'm still proud that we fell off that sea wall because everybody knew they found me wailing on top of you... that you alone hit the rocks... and I think i really would forever feel suffused by your warmth and love. I find it hard telling stories of you to Rez and Tin (who is the spitting image of you by the way) because words will never make them see what you represented for me... or how rich my childhood has been because I knew you. I just really hope you'd be watching over me when I walk down the aisle someday... I think i'd really want your presence there... and I silently wish that Mom would live with me someday just before and just after I give birth... to take care of me and my baby... like you did for all the grandchildren you had...

Lolo Tino, who didn't wake anymore from being run over... by a tricycle at that... one Friday morning he was going to Quiapo to attend Mass Lolo... please watch over Tito Jose. If he joins you soon, I hope the process won't give him much pain. He's been through enough. On a happier note, I'm sure you're happy with the fact that all your children are still loving and supporting each other... We miss how you're always in the Philippines during Christmas and Fiesta... We miss how you always dance with the majorettes... We miss how you lived life to the fullest... but you're with your Maker now, and am sure you're happiest there...

Tito Gerundio, died from too much drinking Don't worry Tito, Ate Gang is making a good job of taking care of your brood... just watch over Sarah who lives far away, ok? I cannot help but wish, I knew you more. Just last weekend we had liswik, and I missed your cooking.

Ate Ene, died from bone cancer You have been such an inspiration... and a standard of excellence. And because of you, I got a glimpse of a world filled with cancer... a world that was also filled with hope, love, gratitude and celebration. Your cathedral windows would always be the best, and i thank you for passing on the legacy of making it. Your bestfriend, Ate Violy, remains to be such a good and thoughtful person. You must miss her sometimes. And yes, I always remember you when I see pineapples and jackfruit...

Mang Ver, who died from a stroke Hopefully, your family is faring well... we didn't know you owned a vintage car... Anyway, I still think of you most times during merienda time... especially when I see corn being sold. It was a privilege sharing with you all those snacks...

I honestly do not believe that I need to pray for their souls, for I trust that they are more at peace now... I worry more for those they left behind...

Weirdly enough, I didn't know i'd still cry over my maternal grandmother... and I believe she'd have been real proud of who I turned out to be...
*~*

On a happier note, aside from the trip to the cemetery that's part and parcel of Halloween in Lipa... am also giddy with happiness because we're going to go to Laiya, San Juan tomorrow. It's just the immediate family going for a quick swim but it's nice to be going with them... it's going to be Pyro's first trip to the beach (and no, we don't intend for him to play in the water, we just want him to be outdoors for awhile)... and it's going to be the first trip we're taking in my Dad's car.

And of course, i bloody miss the beach. I feel it's pointless to live in the Philippines without regular trips to the beach!