my amazing boss: introduction

5:18 PM Thursday, April 21, 2005

from Merriam-Webster Online

Main Entry: 1 amaze
Pronunciation: &-'mAz
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): amazed; amaz·ing
Etymology: Middle English amasen, from Old English Amasian, from A- (perfective prefix) + (assumed) masian to confuse -- more at ABIDE
transitive senses
1 obsolete : BEWILDER, PERPLEX
2 : to fill with wonder : ASTOUND
intransitive senses : to show or cause astonishment

I have many people who I refer to as boss. We have 3 section chiefs here, 2 division managers and 1 department manager in the department... all of whom are female... 3 of whom are past menopause.

Now... the Amazing Boss (who, from here onwards and in future entries, I will be referring to as AB) is amazing in the most perplexing of ways.

Sometimes, in the more disturbing of ways.

AB is a perfect example of a scavenger type.

But that would be preempting my stories.

Let's start with physical qualities first. She's as petite as PGMA, and generously endowed in front but abominally lacking a behind. She's past menopause and is already a grandmother to a 2-month old baby.

She's actually intelligent... but maybe the years have taken their toll on her so she refuses now to apply herself. That, or she just went unhinged when she reached menopause.

What she does is apply eyebrows in the most inopportune of moments... and places.

Also, no man should be subjected to her breasts, which she so excitedly parades by wearing tank tops under a coat, with matching beaded necklaces (which she makes) that fall smack dab on her cleavage.

Dare I say that her skin has taken on this wrinkly, dry look and the cleavage thing never looked sensual at all?

AB also has the audacity to warn me to bring decent clothes when we attend conferences in the provinces... but would show up in camisole-like, breezy tops herself.

During the time of Filipiniana-awtfits-on-Mondays, we all knew her brassiere was the royalest of blue because her kimona was, of course, kinda sheer... and she hasn't heard of wearing kamisons.

Perfectly normal still? Perhaps... but do read on...

She once told us that, had she the money, she wishes her daughter to give birth via C-section... so that her daughter's vagina wouldn't be so stretched.

(my other boss couldn't help but ask... shouldn't that be a concern of the husband?)

I told her about Kegel exercises... but I started cringing at the thought of her asking for more info. As in please... the cleavage nightmares are enough!

She also makes sure all her phone conversations are listened to... especially when it's her mother calling to ask for money. I think it was my 3rd day at work when I unhappily had to listen to the Maalaala Mo Kaya version of how she never had anything nice as a kid.

And the scavenger thing?

She insists on having a copy of everything. Everything!!! No matter that we have a file copy in our central file... no matter if it doesn't concern her.

She also insists on taking home food from our lunches and parties. From the lunch, she gathers what she feels her cat will eat. And that will include chicken bones. *head shaking already?*

From parties, she will oh-so-charmingly demand the last piece of cake, the last serving of viand, etc to bring home to her family (she says, so she need not cook anymore... or she says, because this or that was just so delicious).

It's irritating how... she'd even voice out her desire to take home stuff... when we're still in the middle of feasting. Some of my colleagues have been unable to control themselves from telling her off, and reminding her that not everybody has eaten yet.

And oh... when there are leftovers and she wasn't bringing some home... you'd hear her making parinig for hours... ranting about how she liked something... ranting about how "naubusan sya", etc.


And yes, she also does everything in her power to take home stuff from formal gatherings in restaurants and hotels. She'd go around the cocktails table with napkins on her hand, stuffing food in her bag... or in plastic bags. This before the actual guests arrive. She wouldn't even let go of fruit garnishings and centerpieces.

And during live-in conferences where food is abundant... she'd be saving what she cannot eat... saying she'd eat it that night when she goes hungry. At the 3rd or 5th day... her side table will be found laden with cupcakes, tarts, sandwiches, buns, etc. And only when we're about to leave shall it enter her mind to give the food to janitors and guards.

She even takes home table centerpieces. Even after telling her not to. And she always has to have a souvenir or giveaway.

And yes, in a way... she's kinda harmless. Jologs to the core but harmless.

But it's irritating that she gets away with such things.

Now... she's invited a classmate to attend this dinner reception we're holding for Conference delegates. She even has the temerity to proudly say that she'd pay for her friend's way.

And yes, am upset with her. Money isn't the issue... I don't get why she thinks it's alright to invite someone to a party that is supposedly exclusive... And she could get away with it... same way she gets away with having her husband and daughter attend similar affairs with us.

And now, my colleagues are teasing me that I should make sure she's given a centerpiece on my wedding day... otherwise she'd be stealing/asking from other tables. They're also kidding me that I should have her go home with leftovers and my wedding cake... lest she call attention to herself. Now, am even scared that she might bring a stranger along.


And aside from getting on our nerves because we'd be panicky and stressed over deadlines and rush assignments... then here she comes suddenly to ask us how to operate her camera phone... we're also now badly traumatized with the sight of her doing Pilates during work hours!!!

You know... i think it is propelling me to a nervous breakdown, this continuous bombardment by her boobs, or her stretching-nakabukaka form!!!

My amazing boss... *bow*

She often leaves me amazed at how her mind works.

I have been contemplating temporary insanity and murder.


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