MEComposing

just the other week
i was
watching you go about
your merry antics
singing along with the TV
singing "happy birthday" to me
amazed
as always
that you're brimming with
life
and mirth
and yet scared
envisioning
skinned knees soon
or possible bullying
at school
for you

we both missed your
godfather badly
and when he came
and we were hugging
you so adorably tried
to take his attention
away from me
but was gracious enough
to settle for
hugging his leg
instead
and of course
we found you cute
and i gave way for him
to gather you in his arms
and hold me
another time

weirdly enough
you taking his attention
from me
endears him more to me
and you, clamoring to
tell him stories
and make "lambing"
makes me all the more
in love with you
and makes us look forward
some more
to having kids like you
you
a bundle of drool
and snot and grime
and icky poo

but then
it's always taken just
a smile from you
or hearing you
call our name
(in that sweet, sweet voice
of yours
that bodes of naughty things
to come)
for our trifle worries to
evaporate
for fatigue and stress to go away
and for us to
remember
there are far greater things
that move this world

and now i hope
you'd live long enough
to understand
how painful the past days
have been for us
watching you cry
seeing you scared
gritting our teeth
as we suffer the look
of betrayal in your eyes
when we pin you down to beds
to be poked and prodded
and needled and marked
make no mistake
dearest
we'd spare you from pain
if we could
oh, if only
we could

we know
you're braver and far more
resilient
than the average child
someday, we hope you'd
understand
without having to go through
the same
and in the meantime
stay as sweet
and brave as you are
the worst is yet to come, Py
but help is on its way
and family, friends
and strangers alike
are praying so you can
go home soon

with a wish that the next time
you return to a hospital
will be to welcome
your own firstborn

- Poem for Py, 06 Oct 2005

*~*

And so the clock ticks slowly for us as we await the biopsy results. Bloody fluid in his lungs suggests real darkness ahead but we cannot be without HOPE.

He's started medication for primary complex... and he's still a demanding little fellow who pollutes his surroundings with the noise from his chicken key chain.

Yesterday, he asked me to leave my "baby" with him. It's a small crawling baby (half of a thumb) I got from a friend in college that i've always had with me.

And again, I'd like to thank those who have been praying with us.

*~*

Aside:

My horrible love affair with rats is getting freakier. Coming from the hospital last Thursday night, I entered our compound with my family. A street rat seemed to have been going thru our neighbor's garbage can and was surprised by us so it rushed headlong onto us... or should I say, me.

Surprised and terrified of them as always, I lost my balance and managed to twist my right ankle... and lost my balance again to come crashing down on my already bad leg. My dad would have laughed (imagine getting into an accident when am just two doors from our home?) if he wasn't so worried to see his firstborn sprawled on the ground, unable to stand up.

I missed work again last Friday, being unable to walk. Saturday, I could limp very well.