6:31 PM Thursday, October 09, 2003

Twenty-three-year-old Mec had a lot of realizations while watching the movie "Boys and Girls." "I realized that there were a lot of people involved in this kind of relationship." She went online (www.pinoyexchange.com) and started searching for people who were in the same boat.

She enumerated some possible scenarios, "Single girls who spend all their time with their boy best friends, girls who've gotten close to their male friends and have fallen in love, those who fell in love but settled for friendships..."

She speaks about pseudo-relationships in a matter-of-fact manner. "People now are getting really scared of commitment or are too lazy to do the dirty work of keeping relationships. The thing that causes pain in these cases is the fact that one wants more. And that has got to hurt, as most one-sided things do."

Underneath this analytical approach is a woman who has also lost a battle to her emotions.

"I have had lots of boy friends but I've been so scared of being a girlfriend-substitute, or him being a boyfriend-substitute for me that I never let any guy be that close to me. I worry that if one of us falls in love with somebody else, the other will be left all alone. Or, heaven forbid-one could fall in love with the other and destroy the friendship in the process."

Despite the precaution, Mec has also become a girlfriend-substitute.

"My most recent experience involved a lot of confrontations-but the guy still won't commit. He's the type who got hurt too deep too young. He's so afraid now to be hurt in that way again." Yet another wonder of relationships. How the present has to pay for the sins of those before them.

"He chooses to control what he's feeling. He chooses to let those he has been hurting suffer-I am the last in the list so far. He chooses not to regret what he has and what he might lose. But he's asking for time," Mec continued.

"I know how he must really feel because we share an affinity. I am here as a close friend for him. Our friendship now has this unwritten clause. We love each other so much and we need each other so much."

"He's sort of given up on love after being hurt. And I can understand him because I gave up on love once. But then I met someone who made me realize what true love is. And after him, I just couldn't give up on love anymore. It's like an obsession-to be that happy, to be that alive again."

But she knows it might not last. "Our hearts can change-and we can say
goodbye anytime. I just hope, for myself, I'll do it soon."

When I expressed my wishes for things to work out, or, at the very least, for her not to get hurt if they don't, she answered dejectedly, "Sorry, this one already hurts like hell. Sometimes, I think that's the only reason he's in my life."

Listening to their stories gave me the courage to set things straight. Now I am no longer a girlfriend-substitute. I've become the real thing.

May 23, 2001... article written by Pam for 2bu on GF SUBSTITUTES

No... I will not give up on love and finding a good man to love me... no matter how disillussioned I am... no matter how i've lost faith in men...


And then I read about Happyclam's friend and ponder over the merits of being with a man for life... all over again...

I swear, life screws me sometimes...


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