MEComposing

lemme see..... we officially broke up 98... he went steady w/ my friend 99... they got married 01... had a child last year...

and i always say pa din talaga.... i miss him...

and no, am sure, i don't wanna be w/ him in a romantic relationship... happy na ako for him....

but i miss what i had with him... real, true, inspiring love that encouraged both of us to really grow.... and where i didn't feel suffocated and hampered.... and where i felt totally understood, supported, cared for.. and where i truly, truly surrendered to just loving someone....

*~*

and if anyone is curious as to why i broke up with him and let him get away... i have no real justification other than:

1) i was 20... i was restless... feeling then that HE could not have been the prize of my life already... for what else will I be working for?

2) he ended up marrying someone else and is happy w/ his family... meaning WE were really meant to be lovers for a SEASON

the only thing that sometimes bother me is that... could the disillusionment of my separation from him, both as friend and lover, have take my REASON for really LOVING too?

*~*

my last ex just called... chit chat... had to prevent myself from crying when I was telling him about how I already bought all the things I wanted as birthday gifts...

remembered how he tried throwing a surprise party for me last year...