MEComposing

I don't really know what to write...

there is this jubilation for an orgasm/sleep article because i wrote that when i was really inspired... hopefully you guys will read it at Subjective Mag come March...

there is this realization that I haven't bought anything yet for my beloved sis... but then again, having promised her new wardrobe before she leaves for the US, i guess she can forgive me...

there is that night of palpitations and stress, because my brother was being my brother, and i sometimes have to be honest that he inspires me to be a better person not because he's a good person, but because he seems to me so irreverently useless that i somehow have to make up for his continued presence in this world...

and then my colleague, my lunch-mate for almost 5 years now, and his worry over the possibility of cancer cells having metastasized on another part of his respiratory tract... and seeing fear again in his eyes as he tells me that he doesn't think he can see himself through another bout of treatment... both emotionally and financially...

and due to the cold nights, there's me always being horny, sometimes in mercilessly inappropriate times and conditions... and recurring memories of favorite sexual experiences haunt me, as if daring me to better them... or at least repeat them... but i haven't really time to engage in a sexfest that will make whores blush, since am very busy with so many other things...

like getting well... though am sick again

and school... realized i already love my kids... and i wonder why i kept syaing i always wanted to be a teacher when i realized that i've also often said that i'd never want to be a teacher... because my heart will be breaking for every year/sem that a group of students would be bidding me adieu...

i miss climbing mountains... i miss the sun in my face, and getting sweaty and weary... i miss jogging at the Boardwalk in Manila Bay, getting all those catcalls and whistles from the security guard... which often made me wonder if they'd watch my backpack for me so I won't have to be running with it... but never being one to use my feminine charms...

there's also the national government creating problems for my company, which has resulted to a panicky boss demanding different iterations with our financial plan, considering so many scenarios, etc... that i think if i die, she'd also commit suicide because nobody else can produce the statements she needs... or can reassure her that we used the correct assumptions...

i miss taking pictures of my body... am tempted to save for a nice hotel room just for a whole day photo session of my body parts... wearing different outfits, in different poses... time is kinda running out for me, and i better take great pictures of myself now for posterity...

besides, like what i say, i can explain to future kids and grandkids why their uber sensual LOLA has nudie pics at age 27...

but not why their LOLA has naughty pics of herself at age 50...

so really, better do it now while time hasn't yet completely taken over my hips... while my behind is still proud and my tits prouder...

(i really would have made the perfect courtesan, methinks, but that's another line of thought)

i've started exercising again at home... just stretches mostly because i've lately been too tired... i really intend to lose weight and jump back into size SMALL... not for any vain intent but for the sheer simplicity and convenience of buying new clothes without having to try them on...

i have yet to use my pink, fuzzy handcuffs by the way...

and try swallowing more (maybe, semen is really an acquired taste).. but the thought of that makes me shudder even as i type...

and stop praying that certain insipid little creatures in the form of really insecure adolescents would just drop dead...

this and other preoccupations result to an unexplainable mix of emotions... so right now, i can't even say if am happy or sad...

but it feels good to know am alive.