he ruined....

8:27 AM Friday, May 12, 2006

... casual sex for me.


Or 'Thank heavens!'

See, once upon a long, long time ago... I had a BAD sexual experience. It wasn't that he beat me or abused me or something... it was more like, I didn't feel satisfied because there wasn't enough WORSHIPPING and SURRENDER... not enough passion in the experience, that I was left feeling I had engaged in something totally pointless.

I wasn't even into casual sex really that time... It took a lot of text messages and phone calls before I braved the unknown and agreed to sleep with that man. And I guess, I naively believed that his bark would be as good as his bite... we've discussed things we liked doing and things we liked being done to us, and things we'd like to do to each other... I was just really mentally psyched!

And though I don't remember anymore how we first kissed, and where we ended up, I do remember grinding on top of him and thinking to myself, "Gawsh, this is terrible!" (and ok, I was mightily turned off by his kissing expression, the way his lips would pucker up like that... can't describe it really, but it looked pathetic)

It's like we just went through the motions but...

That was enough to wean me away from all the possibilities of casual sex and ONS. I knew i'm good in bed, but I thought 'good' might be relative... and casual partners might not care enough to appreciate what I can offer... and also give me what i'm due. I was just too scared of another non-rewarding encounter, feeling it would extinguish the sensual force that moves me... first and last did it.

Fast forward to years later... he knew he wasn't able to satisfy me and has already apologized for that. He has dared to proposition me again but I declined. And just this week, after accidentally catching each other online in YM, he admits he got shocked that time that he couldn't perform. He admitted too, that he was fairly new to engaging in such encounters... and got intimidated by me... and just totally went into shock when I delivered on the tale that I have mastered the art of muscle control.

It was my turn to be in shock... was I aggressive? was I wild? was I too noisy? what did I do that can shock someone?! Heck, I thought I was still reserved, despite the nudity!!!


And though the conservative part of me (bwahahaha, funny but I do have one) would never have really allowed myself to be as liberated as some of my friends are... I can't help but feel dismayed over the lost opportunities of sleeping with total strangers. It might have been fun, you know.

Tsk. Didn't know there are sexual "what could have been's" too.


Then again, i've often heard how it can be a hit and miss thing when you engage in casual encounters... friends often end up giving mercy f*cks and just suffering the whomping. Some even end up reading books while having it done to them. Some naman want more, infinitely more, and either deal with a sleeping, snoring stranger (who don't look as HOT now that his mouth is open like that) or get sent home (work, fatigue, gf coming, parents needing him, etc). Isn't that just sad?

So yes, not spreading those legs can save someone from a lot of hassle.... or at least, mediocre lovemaking.


But really, heaven help the woman who has saved everything... only to end up with a mediocre lover who can't even make her cum.


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