I Was an Enabler

7:53 AM Tuesday, March 17, 2009

It was a bitter pill to swallow.

The minute our Dad left for the US, I started having issues with my sister. Basically, she didn't pass the local Nursing Board. My parents were very considerate of her and she didn't get any crap about it, instead, she was also even given a second chance without her having to ask for one. They figured, since it's still recession in the US anyway, and since she's still already here, might as well give her another chance to be empowered. Yes, empowered, because passing the board here doesn't mean anything if she wants to be a nurse in the US.

But of course, certain conditions were set for her. She had to work harder (review) and invest more of herself to increase her chances of succeeding the next time.

But what she does is have friends over.

And meet with BF.

And lie to me about going to our house in Lipa only to sleep over at the BF's.

What really upset me was not her sleeping over at her BF's. I am not stupid. She's 23 years old already and am sure she's already engaging in sexy times with that BF.

What upset me was I, being the designated guardian and a really concerned older sister, checked up on her if she arrived safe in Lipa. Since I couldn't contact her, I contacted her BF to at least have an idea. My sister told me she was the one who lied using the BF's phone to tell me she was indeed brought to the bus terminal and that the last thing she said to BF was she had a headache by the time she got to Lipa.

Imagine my worry and anger then to receive a text message the following morning from our houseminder in Lipa that my sister never got there. I knew the odds were likely that she was only just with her BF but since I still wasn't sure, I feared the worst! And after confirming the capricious lie she and her BF did, I was really so eager to see her and slap her.

But hubs made me realize that this shouldn't be MY problem. Sure, I can be concerned and all that, but since am not the one supporting my sister, this should be elevated to my parents, even though they're far away and will be thoroughly disappointed.

And it's true. My sister and I have had several squabbles before over her social life when she was still reviewing. I have already told her that she is, at best, an average student and thus have to work harder if she is to pass. But she never really listened. And I never told my parents she was like that.

Maybe Dad could have brought her along instead when he left instead of letting her stay here for the remainder of the year.

So I apologized to my Mom and had her talk to my sister. Mom, being the autocratic parent, dished out rules my sister is to follow, first and foremost of which is to obey ME.

Of course, just two days after, my sister attended a christening and met her BF again, without asking for my permission or even telling me formally.

So I reminded her that she was not supposed to leave the house without my blessing, and that her boyfriend, though no longer welcome, is only supposed to see her at home. And then I informed my parents and gave the BF's number to Mom.

Needless to say, my relationship with my sister has suffered a crucial damage. It makes me sad and angry but somehow it is also liberating. At least now there is room for growth in each of us and if we must grow apart for that growth to happen, so be it.


  1. Sigh.

    It's so hard to have to be a parent instead of a friend to your sister.

    Hope she realizes that you only want what's best for her.


  2. Ah this is the thing between older and younger sisters the one wants authority or is handed responsibility while the other wants to rebel and live by her own rules no responsibility.

    Kami ng sis ko laging away din because she was the older I am the youngest but all responsibility on me and she still calls me irresponsible. She is out of the coutry and all her bills etc is responsibilities she left here in Manila nakaatang sa akin.

    Hay hahaha. Sad that people will realize your worth in the end pag may nangyari ng di maganda sana ung sister mo eh makapagisip din. God bless.


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