Py, Was That You?

4:10 PM Tuesday, March 03, 2009

I swear I saw a puff of smoke last night in our room. It billowed right in front of our fluorescent night lamp and then it was gone. Weird thing was we didn't smell anything burning but was worried for a while anyway.

Then after returning to bed from peeing, I suddenly remembered vividly that call my brother made to me in the very early hours of December 27, 2006... asking me to come because Py was dying. I believe I remembered that time because I was silently cursing my brother for being the deadbeat jerk he is last night, pitying my SIL who cannot get any help from him over their new, highly-sensitive son.

And then I dreamt of Py. I'm confused if hubs and I have four kids in the dream, or we were treating our nieces and nephews as ours. What was distinct was Py, who was like nine or ten years old already in the dream. He had this sort of crew cut hair and he was thin. And he was sad and quiet.

And in the dream I knew he had died already... so I was hugging him, caressing his head and asking him what's wrong. I feared, in the dream, that he's feeling unwell again and would die again.


Py's brother is turning one year old in twenty days. That's yet another proof of time flying.

I ache for Ice and his parents... Py was such a handsome, gentle, happy boy. He was easy to love. He was easy to care for. And now he's gone. Now here comes Ice who is highly sensitive and very demanding. I know his Mother is bent on doing right by him, even swallowing her pride and independence to do better for him, but her resentment over my brother's treatment of her and the demands put on her by her son can't help but drive her over the edge. Plus, of course, she will forever grieve.

And I do try my best to understand my brother... how traumatized he still must be, which is why he's warmer and more patient to MY son than his. But there's really no excuse to be so irresponsible. And I doubt Py would like it to be used as an excuse by his father to avoid getting attached to his brother.


Py, was that you? Do you still know how much we love and miss you? Do you know how much we try our best to be the same to Ice? Can you show your parents the way, so Ice will be better cared for and loved?


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  2. aww, i was having goosebumps when i read this post of yours girl...
    i kinda followed on your anxiety & grief over your nephew's illness & eventually his passing away :(
    he is now an angel up in heaven...baka nga sya yun sis noh? :) how touching! love ka nya kaya ka nya ni-visit :)


  3. That was a heart warming story .. sometimes they have ways of letting us know that they still watch over us.


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