11:49 AM Friday, August 20, 2004

I miss Alvin, that former boyfriend who is already married right now, with a really great kid, and working back in the NGO where we met. And I wonder how the fate that sent me a man like him couldn't send me another one with the trait that I loved most about him.

He let me be. Who I am. Who I want to be.

Very high-handed to not be thankful enough that i've been sent soooo many men to love me, right? But it can really kill the romance and all your good intentions when the one you love and would like to be with... can't exactly appreciate the whole you. And it feels pointless at best to be spending time with a man who you have to keep certain aspects of your life from.

And it's not even that you really wanna keep secrets. It's just that you can't tell him certain things, or certain stories, without eliciting this stony silence that means, he's not trusting you again.

I keep telling myself, I can't blame the man. For long ago, I did fall in love with someone else while he wasn't looking. Still, I wonder how much longer I'd have to put up with the mistrust. I thought, we were going to move forward.

I also wish i'd stop dreaming of him not buying me cake, or buying me cake I'd never eat (coconut crumble? yuck)... which suggests that maybe I should get the cake myself since I feel i'm not getting it anytime soon from him.

I just wish my eyes aren't as puffy right now because of the whole night crying, which made me decide to skip work too.

Happy weekend to me...


Watched STEPFORD WIVES last night. Loved the movie, real funny... but they weren't able to explain how the men can withdraw cash from their wives.


Ate at Hizon's last night too. Loved this salad with this dressing that tasted like thousand islands but wasn't really. Good thing I asked the waiter how the dressing was done after we've finished off our meal (love their lemon butter sauce on prawns too, and the roast ham was divine!). I was shocked when he told me it was Minola Oil (mineral cooking oil), vinegar, ketchup and pineapple juice.

Ugh... I thought it was honey and vinegar because it was so thick syrup-y. Ugh.

super post script... i hate life. I want cake. I want Becky's Kitchen Potato Almond Krunch. I hate life.


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