5:37 PM Monday, July 03, 2006

* If he decides not to love me,
it is going to be painful for me.
I may have to grieve over something
that could have been beautiful in my life.
But as I let go, I am firm in the belief
that this is going to be his loss and not mine..

There are people who, as an act of self-preservation, will say the words "His/Her loss, not mine." to imply how great a catch they are (they think) and how foolish the person is who is not going to choose to be with them.

Most jerks are like that. Most b!tches are like that. It's arrogance because they are essentially insecure and scared and worried and desperate and lonely.

I have had my share of that arrogance.

But then, i've also had occasions when I really cared for a person and I really wanted to be with him... because I was willing to know him and loved knowing him. And this person did not choose me. Or rather, he seriously took his time before making a choice, while I didn't stay around wasting my time for an answer that might not be in my favor.

But the sadness over the what-ifs... the sense of regret over all your good intentions for someone who didn't feel or want the same... the silent acceptance that people are people who are entitled, not just to whoever they choose to love, but also to make wrong choices in love.

I can think of at least three guys who have made me feel the same general sentiment...

Oh, how i loved them, loved being with them, loved taking care of them, loved knowing the person that they were becoming. I know I truly cared for them... so much that I faced the tears and loss of just letting them be, to make up their minds, to make up their hearts, to realize what and with whom they will be most happy. And I know i'd have made them a good partner. That they'd be happy with me. And I still believe that nobody could have possibly loved them like I did... like I have.

But then again, being happy or having a meaningful life isn't really about being with someone who will love you the most. Nor, I believe, is it about being with one who you love the most.

True happiness in love is living a congruent life. It's either you're ready for the gift of love or not. It's either you're willing to commit and work on a relationship or not. It's either you're willing to risk it all to have everything or gain nothing... or not.

People will insist that a person usually inspires love in us.

Maybe. But if that were true, there should be less (or no) failed marriages and unhappy unions and sad reminiscences of those that got away by those left behind.

* got the lines from someone's siggy


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