MEComposing

I actually chose to not watch it. After all, it was RAW, not Smackdown. And the remaining wrestler that titillates me is UNDERTAKER.

Hubby and his youngest bro watched it though. And they had a wonderful time, despite the banner-carrying people in front of them, and the screaming banshee behind them (yes, the woman was uber-rooting for Triple H, in a 'fight' that all wrestler fans know to be pre-determined and generally just for show).

*~*

I was a wrestler fan way before... back to the time of Hulk Hogan and Ultimate Warrior, when Shawn Michaels didn't exactly strut, and Ravishing Rick Rude kissed girls... back to a time when I couldn't see what made Macho Man Randy Savage Macho... and there were obscure heroes in the personas of Koko Beware and Tatanka.

I was a wrestler fan when the British Bulldogs were eye candy, and Bret Hart of the Hart Foundation was the man of your dreams... and the creepiest thing that walked the earth was Andre the Giant... and Jake the Snake was cool, while Million Dollar Man and Rick Flair weren't.

Ah, but yes, Brutus the Barber Beefcake could have had me several times with one hello. :)

And then, of course, all the men worship the Ultimate Warrior and watching him in cage fights was the highlight of their year.

*~*

Hubby and Boss Len are re-introducing me back to the wrestling world. My boss, 7 months pregnant, braved the chaos in the streets last Friday with husband and 3 kids to watch RAW.

Her kids were wearing championship belts (fakes, bought at Greenhills for P500) and shirts featuring John Cena, Battista and Eddie Guerrero. She screamed like hell in the footages she recorded from her camphone (having wasted precious battery time on not-so-popular initial fighters, totally missing Triple H on cam) and mourned the fact that she didn't make the banner she intended to flash:

"TRIPLE H IS THE FATHER OF MY CHILD"

And her hubby was supportive :) Kulit no?

*~*

And because it was MY digicam, hubby didn't change the settings, didn't know how to take multiple shots, etc.

But let me share the photos he took (they'd be better if I took them, i'd have considered the HEAT factor, bwahaha)

Click on the pic for more pics

a woman should have
one old love she can imagine going back to...
and one who reminds her how far she has come...


Weirdly enough, I can't imagine going back to any of my exes. Not even AE. I still sometimes imagine how it would be like, if I ended up with this other guy... but I think being with him will just be a lot like being with AE, all tears and insecurities at my end. And in a way, I am in a happier place than most of my past loves, so yes, I know how far i've come and i thank the heavens for it.

a woman should have
enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to...


What, and leave the comforts of home? :p

a woman should have
something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams
wants to see her in an hour...


I have decent dresses, but if it was a major date, nothing could be more perfect than me naked. Us naked pala (alangang ako lang!)

a woman should have
a youth she's content to leave behind...


But i'm still enjoying my youth! Sure, I still sometimes mourn the loss of the slim body I enjoyed for 23 or so years. Sure, I miss the washboard tummy and the tighter a$$. Sure, my boobs, though not exactly cup Ds, have started submitting to gravitational pull. And yes, i've spotted the occasional white hair in my black crown. Still, I know I still look good. And it's just really delightful not to feel gauche and awkward anymore.

I am woman, and i love being able to ROAR.

a woman should have
a past juicy enough that she's looking forward
to retelling it in her old age...


Oh, this is soooo me! I can't wait to regal my own daughters and their friends of how I charmed and bedevilled men when I was their age. Bwahahahaha.

a woman should have
a set of screwdrivers, cordless drill,
and a black lace bra...


I don't even like using brooms, what more screwdrivers! (and no, not even the drink is enticing to me)

I don't have lacy brassieres because of my perpetual pert-nips issue... but I have lots of lacey black undies.

I don't have crotchless ones, either (but i'd still have to verify this one).

a woman should have
one friend who always makes her laugh...
and one who lets her cry...


Heaven blessed me when it sent me lots of friends. Most of my friends CAN and DO make me laugh. And most of them CAN and WILL allow me to cry and just really seek comfort in their arms. That's one of the priceless things I know not everyone enjoys.

a woman should have
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family..


Err... we have a new bed? :D

a woman should have
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems,
and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored..


Not sure about the eight matching plates (for someone was even weird enough to gift us with a set consisting of ONE plate, bowl, saucer and cup) but I know we got wine glasses. Heck, we also got 4 blenders and 4 oven toasters. We also have all the means to heat water (from whistling kettle to water dispenser).

And i think THE recipe i'm becoming known for is CATHEDRAL WINDOWS... which I made again last night because hubby is craving for them. :)

a woman should have...
a feeling of control over her destiny...


SHOULD... howell. I won't be the first woman ever in history to have allowed herself to be swayed by other people's expectations of her... good thing though, I haven't compromised myself, or my happiness, that much. For what it's worth, I'm still happy with the life i've lived, despite the tears and the scars and the many disappointments.

a woman should know...
how to fall in love without losing herself...


I think, I never really lost myself the way i've seen some women did... partly because i've been so scared of doing so, i've instead always held back. But love, or what you think is love, sometimes have really imaginative ways of making you act stupidly. Hehe.

every woman should know...
how to quit a job, break up with a lover,
and confront a friend without ruining the friendship...
and how to change a tire!!!!!!!


I need not change tires if I don't have any vehicle with tires. But heaven help me, am not so good with 'letting go', am so anal-retentive that way, I even hold onto the anger. Haysush.

every woman should know...
when to try harder... and when to walk away...


Sigh. Just recently, I walked away from someone... from something. It still feels like hell, but I also really believe i've come upon a point of no return. There are just some things not worth saving... some things not worth working on... some people not worth me.

I know, in time, the sorrow in my heart will fade. In time...

every woman should know...
that she can't change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents....


And goody for me, my parents have grown up and mellowed down. :)

every woman should know...
that her childhood may not have been perfect...
but its over...


Yes, it's over. A lot of things in my life are over. Same way that a lot of things have been a far cry from perfect.

It's just nice to be looking forward to still a lot of things.

And to still have things to feel passionate about.

every woman should know...
what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...


And I hope, more women will draw their own lines too, where their person and happiness and future is concerned.

And more hopefully, I hope my daughters WILL know, and maybe even know better, than their Mom.

every woman should know...
how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...


I can't! I;m just never going to cook meals on a regular basis... but i'd never enjoy eating out all the time either (kahit sa Hizon's pa yan everyday, no! I love home-cooked meals talaga!)

every woman should know...
whom she can trust, whom she can't,
and why she shouldn't take it personally...


There have been times that I was wrong... some friends have betrayed me. And unfortunately for me, i've taken it personally. But am still blessed to have MORE PEOPLE who loved and really cared for me than people who just used and betrayed me. I just hope that also means i've been loving and caring enough to them.

And I intend to be a better friend and loved one, even if I may disappoint loved ones at times.

every woman should know...
where to go... be it to her best friend's kitchen table..
or a charming inn in the woods... when her soul needs soothing...


I have Libet. I have my sister and cousin. I have my husband. I have the berks. I have the ABWB and my college friends. I have FAD. I have my labskis.

And I have my bed...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she can and can't accomplish in a day..
a month...and a year...


Then again, the universe can conspire to bring to you something you don't KNOW can be possible within a timeframe.

Sometimes, love blooms and within the month, you're married to someone who's been waiting for 25 years.

Sometimes, peace comes with the arrival of a baby not your own.

Sometimes, self-love and acceptance can be found at the next bend, when you least expect it.

*~*

Fill my Johari window up, why don't you :)

*~*

I hate how they had to cancel classes THIS MORNING, when some students have already taken baths and donned their uniforms... some were already in school too! BAD TRIP! SOBRANG INCONSIDERATION!

*~*

Weirdly enough, it was only yesterday that I was able to sit down and watch the news... I couldn't help but cry over the St. Bernard tragedy... hearing that another part of the mountain is likely to collapse and cause another landslide... finding out that it's started raining again and rescuers' lives have been put in danger... somehow knowing in my heart that a lot of those who got burried there will stay buried...

*~*

Ilang gabi na ako umiiyak. Kailangan ko na ng PEACE.

*~*

Addendum:
Feeling down because i've lost a friend... i'm moved to tears again to find that a friend from the past just may be back in my life. Haky, please let me hear again from you.

An old chatmate and I recently 'met' in YM again, after a long time. We've both recently gotten married too. Anyway, one of the questions he posed to me was:

"What ever happened to your naughty blog posts? Your blog is boring now"

Or something to that effect. After all, I used to define the word HORNY. And yes, I know I could have made him ROAR (a natural gift, if I may say so).

And sure I can say i've mellowed, with old age creeping into my veins and mortality spending more and more time outside my bedroom door.

Then again, I just couldn't rant anymore about things that well, am already living. Where before, i'd rant about wanting todo it with a lawyer, the past two years has seen me re-define "DO" (but ok, I never got around to doing any lawyer, ahehe). I wasn't getting as much action as some of my AA friends were (there's just going to be some people who will always make me look innocent and virginal, i swear!), but my unconscious need not barrage me with reminders to use my heavenly gifts either.

I was having regular sexcapades in ways I haven't even imagined! (But no, I cannot say I can give the entire escort service a run for their money because there are just some things I don't think i'll ever really be into) That isn't bad right?

Besides, there were other ways to render guys (and girls) hot and bothered (think ledges, message boards, text messaging, YM and the like) when I was feeling playful.

But ok, fine, let's call me BORING :)

*~*

FOR SEXY, KINKY, NAUGHTY, WEIRD TEXT MESSAGES I THOUGHT UP BEFORE:
One
Two
Three
Fourth
Fifth

THE POST WHERE I WAS TOLD BY SOMEONE THAT 'AREOLA' ISN'T A SEXY WORD
(ekshuli, i've always failed in all my attempts to write erotica, bwahaha)
Girls Interrupted

THE FEW TIMES I REMEMBERED TO BE SENSUAL HERE
Things that make me go, "Mmmmm"
being senti-hornal
the woman that i am
on ONS
batteries, bath times and pictures

*~*

One would think that since I got a slightly more powerful digicam, i'd also have new nudies.

Two things though.

One, I only have two sets of rechargeable batteries, one set of which was tampered with (and ruined for me) by technicians I lent it to when I was getting them to fix my original baby.

Two, my hubby LOVES the cam too. So it kinda feels my Canon S2 isn't just MINE.

I wanted to take a nude shot of me immediately after I had my first marital sex for posterity, but we haven't bought the S2 yet.

So, alas, my 'documentary' on wearing a true-blue kimono will have to wait till I get my groove back.

Meanwhile, nude pictures of me in our marital bed were taken by none other than my hubby. Tsk. He's also spoiling the wonderful thing that is called TIMER for me.

*~*

Once upon a time, I entered a bathroom to relieve myself of unnecessary fluids, when a girl friend followed me inside. Then she locked us in.

Then, she was pushing me to the wall.

And before I could even BLINK, her mouth was on mine, her tongue aggressively imploring... exploring.

And I don't know how, but she was hurting me a little with the way she was sucking on my lips and my tongue.

And she was also a little rough with my twins, her hands gripping them, gripping me... too excited and GIGIL to be gentle.

Then came a knock on the door... another girl friend had to pee. We opened the door to her. I came out.

I was shocked. I was taken by surprise too much to have liked it.

Anyway, am hooking that girl up with a guy pal who has this list of fantasies that wouldn't give him peace until he realizes them. Hopefully, they'd click.

*~*

And no... let's not talk about the time I really enjoyed kissing a woman.

*~*

And because i begged and threw fits (bwahahaha, kidding), somebody considered me to be one of the sexiest Pinay bloggers out there. Of course am flattered and tickled pink :D

I believe I lost my longest-time 'bestfriend' when I got married. Or dare I say, she lost me?

It hurt me that, she didn't show up at my wedding. Worse, there was no text message at all to explain why... this, when she even gave me her father's complete name for the invitations.

Heck, not even a word to my cousins' wives to relay whatever message to me.

I'm taking it personally because I got JRA to borrow a car for us to attend her wedding in Lipa last July, where I even RAN just so I won't miss her bridal march, on a date I could have gone climbing instead with friends to celebrate a mountaineering anniversary.

I loved her that much.

And as if to drive home the point further (that our friendship has ended), one of my friends who attended my wedding replied to my "Thank You's" with a: "Hello, that's what friends do, attend each other's weddings"

*~*

And then who would have thought that i'd lose another of my closest friends so soon. But this time it was willful inconsideration, lies and betrayal from that person's part.

And ugh, an inability to listen... or at least, hear or accept what i'm saying.

And because that friend is from the present, the loss sometimes seems more than unbearable.

And it kills a part of you to know that you didn't drift apart... that in some weird way, you guys broke up.... that there was a decision to not be friends anymore.

I so hate losing friends.

But I hate being lied to all the more.

And I hate being led to hope or count on nothing much more.

*~*

Had, I believe, the most disappointing Valentines ever. And weirdly enough, it has to happen when am already married!

But then, let's chalk it all up to PMS, shall we?

(Photo by Jah of her daughter Keira)

SA ARAW NG MGA PUSO
by: Rico Abelardo

Mangyari lamang ay tumayo ang mga nagmamahal
Nang makita ng lahat ang mukha ng pag-ibig
Ipamalas ang tamis ng malalim na pagkakaunawaan
Sa mga malabo ang paningin.

Mangyari lamang na tumayo rin ang mga nagmahal at nasawi
Nang makita ng lahat ang mga sugat ng isang bayani
Ipadama ang pait ng kabiguan
Habang ipinagbubunyi ang walang katulad
Na kagitingan ng isang nagtaya.

Mangyari lamang ay tumayo ang mga nangangambang magmahal
Nang makita ng lahat ang kilos ng isang bata
Ipamalas ang katapatan ng damdamin na pilit ikinukubli
Ng pusong lumaki sa mga engkanto’t diwata.

Mangyari lamang na tumayo ang nagmahal, minahal at iniwan
Ngunit handa pa ring magmahal
Nang makita ng lahat ang yaman ng karanasan
Ipamalas ang katotohanang nasaksihan
Nang maging makahulugan ang paghagulgol sa dilim.

At sa mga nananatiling nakaupo
Mangyari lamang ay dahan-dahang tumalilis
Palabas sa nakangangang pinto
Umuwi na kayo!
At sumbatan ang mga magulang
Na nagpalaki ng isang halimaw.

At sa lahat ng mga naiwang nakatayo
Mangyari lamang na hagkan ang isa’t isa
At yakapin ang mga sugatan
Mabuhay tayong lahat
Na nagsisikap makabalik sa ating pinagmulan
Manatiling masaya at higit sa lahat
Magpatuloy sa pagmamahal.

- a redundant something... i just really, really love this poem :) and I hope none of those who read it will be left sitting down :)

*~*

Hayyyy... no flowers, or sweet notes or surprise whatever. Siguro nga i'd lunch out myself na lang.

HAPPY VD everyone!

My cousin who lived with us for almsot 5 years took up Nursing in college. She didn't make it at her first try to get a License, and decided instead to join her Mom in GenSan. She was one of my secondary sponsors when I got married.

Needless to say, I was more than sad when I found out that she's four months along the way. And that she's gotten married just this Feb to some guy she met at their Church there. She just turned 22 last September.

Sure, she's already an adult. Sure, it's unfair of me, or us, to expect her to help her family (she's the 2nd of 5 kids, their youngest is in Grade 5) out of their economic funk (their eldest is kinda 'special' and she's always stood up as the eldest instead). Sure, enjoying your singlehood can be overrated. Sure, getting married after college does not necessarily set the feminist movement 2 steps back.

But like what I said, I was sad and disappointed. I'm also flabbergasted and amazed at how some people, given their backgrounds, do not take the initiative to 'improve' their lot in life.

And yes, I gues I have to use all terms am using loosely... for we can always argue who's to say what will or will not improve one's lot in life.

I just thought that given how her parents were/are, she'd have wanted and willed a more stable future for herself. But then again, maybe because things have been unstable from the beginning, she couldn't wait to anchor herself to whatever, something she can call hers.

I just hope this man loves her. I heard he's still a student. I just hope that their marriage won't join the ranks of the unhappy ones, or the broken ones. I pray they'd provide well for their kids.

But yeah, i'd tell her I still love her. I'd always do.

*~*

Weirdly enough, I was also stupefied upon knowing that my sis has dumped (finally!) her infernally inssecure and stalker-like long-time bf only to hook up with a former neighbor's child... my sister's childhood playmate.

That boy (all grown up now, of course) was non-exceptional as a tot, and only really cute when compared to his siblings. But I guess I have to give him a break.

Still, I couldn't help but pointedly ask my sister, "Are you sure you want their mom for a mother-in-law?!"

Ok... so judgmental of me :D

But I mean... it's bad enough that in the long years we've been neighbors, I have yet to hear brilliance (using the term loosely again here... as in no stars stamped on wrists and what nots at all) from their family (or even relatives). But their mother was one of the more annoying fixtures of my childhood, the ever hypocrite El Shaddai worshipper who is always first to spread gossip and cast the first stone. Heck, she totally ruined El Shaddai for me and what the Catholic movement stood for.

And the way she dished criticism, you'd think her kids are angels! (ugh... somebody here has been at me about how ugly I look, but you should see her daughter... and one of her sons!)

And so, even though it's kinda too early to tell how all this will spell out, I absolutely cringe at the idea of someday having them as family members.

And no, you can't tell me a person can change. She won't. And my gosh... I think of my future nieces and nephews and feel awful about what their genepool is going to be like!!!

Hay naku talaga!

*~*

Meanwhile, i'm starting to get mighty absorbed with wrestling again. Tsk. But no, am not regretful of my decision to miss RAW when they come to Manila.

Fortunately for me, i've never been so hung up about Valentines as most people. But I also don't hate it, and therefore will not rant about all the commercialism that threaten man's sanity as they make the perfect arrangements for a Valentine date.

I love celebrating it though, and no good reason other than I can be cheesy that way.

And though i've never really expected anything grand around this time, what with fully-booked motels, hotels and restaurants... it sure tickles me pink to have a guy become a little more overtly amorous.

The grandest Valentines I ever had is still that monthsary date I had with my ex, when we went back to Fort Santiago where we first really held hands and shakingly admitted our love for each other. He gave me a box filled with thoughtful delights (Beatles tapes, books, white chocolates) and cards all individually packaged and numbered, and he watched me open each gift through candle light. He also brought plastic goblets and Sprite (as I am allergic and un-fond of alcoholic anything) for us to toast our love for each other. (my gift to him then was copies of all my journal entries about him, from the time I met him, to the time we went steadies)

Unfortunately for me though, am usually on a break with a guy, or the guy has to work around Valentines. So, i've also gotten used to spending it with friends.

And I can't seem to remember ever receiving flowers on Valentines (actually, an ex used to give me a white rose... while he gives all his other female friends a red rose each, his tradition ever since college I think). Not that am such a fan of flowers, but it's sorta nice to get something (and flowers is a no-brainer) on Valentines. My hubby once gave me a bunch of daisies 3 days after Valentines, some years ago, because I was breathing down his neck (since the 14th is monthsary date) and envious of my boss who got 2 2-dozen bouquets (tsk, i just love the big, fat yellow roses her husband sends her... they're so big, fat and yellow!).

But ok, fine, I love gerbera daisies too. They're such happy flowers.

So yes, maybe that's why my bridal bouquet turned out the way it did.

Anyway, the ex that gave me my most wonderful valentines date? Well, he also made my mother's heart soar... when he sent HER 2 dozen white roses at home for Valentines. She was like a little girl in her delight!!! And I soooo loved to see her so touched, I know I cried while I was thanking the ex then.

And weirdly enough, I have yet to have flowers delivered to me too. Hmmpf! (the hubby has always bought from his sister and delivered them personally to me)

Anyway, this Valentines, i've been thinking of getting my MIL a bouquet of roses. Only, having them delivered costs no less than a thousand bucks! (it's not that she's not worth a thousand bucks, it's just that i'd rather spend a thousand bucks on something more lasting and practical... ahehe)

And then am wondering if being absent from work to buy flowers in Dangwa and then deliver them to her will be justifiable (considering my many absences already)...

Howell... I can now relate with guys, and don't envy them. :D

Meanwhile, hopefully I can make a towel cake to give our house a Valentine-y feel.

*~*

Helpful sites :)
http://www.myflowerdepot.com/ ==> cheapest na ata that delivers
http://www.flowercartmanila.com/vpage.asp ===> send bears instead
http://www.philgift.com/valentines2006.htm ===> send cakes instead?

Or just buy really sinful treats from ms. Maribeth :)

*~*

Meanwhile, Pyro's getting better

(the following post may sound mean and cruel, arrogant and self-righteous, but i don't care!)

moral lesson of the wowowoee tragedy: it is wrong to manipulate the poverty of people to be used as a ratings'tool. That is God's message to ABS-CBN. Let's pray for the victims!

That is the text message my boss mass sent to us all last Saturday night. And for the life of me, I have yet to feel sorrow or pity for the governement, the abs-cbn network and the victims.

How come?

First, there was obviously a lot of lapses in judgment. Poor security plans (or as Gordon said, lack of a disaster plan... yeah right, as if you can actually control a 20,000 strong mob), poor foresight (I was surprised how the stampede could have happened, but got less surprised upon knowing that Ultra's grounds slope downwards. Surely, having seen the sheer number of 3-day campers, abs-cbn could have predicted already that there WILL BE accidents when people start pushing and shoving for the tickets, tickets which the network decided will only be distributed hours before the anniversary program), poor values (i respect Charo Santos-Concio as a woman who has made it, but it's just plain bullsh!t to say that all wowowee hopes is to provide entertainment and hope. Of course, they're manipulating poverty in the Philippines! Of course, they're manipulating the Filipino people's innate laziness! And don't tell me about helping out NGOs, because that gives the network tax breaks... and no matter what they say, they still earn more than what they hand out! Otherwise, they wouldn't be handing out P500 just for a corny joke said onstage).

Others might have more informed analysis of what happened. Still, I just really hope abs-cbn executives get scarred for life. And to up the ante on my being judgmental, I also hope Willy Revillame really gets traumatized for life (might shut him up a little and make him less of a lascivious, disrespectful person) too.

Maybe this will make them rethink their collective value framework and start churning out QUALITY shows for a change (that's not to say that Channel 7 is such a great network, ok, but yeah, i feel they're a bit more conscientious... emphasis on the 'bit').

*~*

Still, though abs-cbn should really take responsibility for the tragedy, they should only shoulder around 20% of the blame.

And no, I won't be ranting about how poorly our leaders have been running our country to the ground either. First, because it's a given. Second, because we collectively let them.

I've said already that I have yet to feel pity and sorrow for the victims. I'm sorry I just can't feel anything for them. Sure, there is sadness at the general loss, but no real compassion for them.

Because they've just shown in a grand, horrible scale WHY things are becoming a little more and more hopeless in this beautiful country of ours.

If i sit and camp and squat for 3 days, I would be stupid to expect to get P20,000.00. But the people who went there counted on the prize money so much. Nobody even thought for a moment: what are the real chances of abs-cbn, tho a rich network, giving out money to EVERYONE who shows up?

Announcing that P10,000 will be given to the first 100 people to secure tickets... that was already asking for trouble on abs-cbn's part. But suffering day and night camping outside ULTRA for the slim chance to win P20k, that's just really, really, really stupid!!! 3 days where you could have worked and earned money... money that isn't that big maybe, but money that's surely yours!

And what the hell were you thinking, dragging grandmothers and children there? What use could they be to you? What, nobody's going to look after them at home? Is camping on some street looking after them?

Arggh... suffice it to say am more angry and upset and frustrated with the victims.

And poverty couldn't be used as the sole reason here. Times are hard, yes, for we all feel the economic crunch (and yes, the poor feel them exponentially). But not all of those who went there were exactly dirt poor. If you saw the footages of people crying over dead mothers and aunts and sisters, you'd see that some of them actually were in uniforms, suggesting employment and therefore, an opportunity to have a good enough life.

But that's just it, Filipinos would rather suffer for get-rich-quick schemes instead of suffer from honest labor. Filipinos would rather have P20,000 now rather than an assured income over many years (victims who had broken ribs and all that sh!t, what if you never get employed again after your disability?). Filipinos are just plain greedy! (sweeping generalization, yes, but what do you call these people who were born, bred and actually live here? Filipinos right? and what do you call a bunch of people who'd continue stomping on other people... or who'd continue being glued to their seats, after announcements have been made that there were deaths outside, hoping the program will continue?)

And so now, some 60+ people have landed themselves in Medical City (known to be a little more expensive) and Arlington Funeral Homes (known to demand hundreds of thousand of pesos just for embalming and a funeral)... places that reek of money and prestige... only, they're kinda dead to bask in the glory of it.

*~*

a friend discusses stampede from a medical point of view

*~*

And after this really angry post, I still cannot feel for them. I suffer thru boredom and long hours and the bureacracy etc. but I make my living. I don't expect handouts. Sure, i'd love to be handed money but I know well enough to continue working for my keep.

And my parents were both poor, they both had to work their way for the education they had. They saved all the money they could. Up to now, they're not too keen on being too comfortable. They made themselves proud for reaping what they've sowed. And they made us, their kids, proud that they chose honest labor over everything else. Whatever rewards they're reaping now, they fully deserve them.

And these victims, those 20,000 people who were present there, are nothing like my parents.

*~*

Has anybody noticed that only one man died at the last celebration of the Feast of the Black Nazarene, considering that there could have been more than 20,000 people in Quiapo last January 9?

Another example of how exacting the price we pay for greed is.

and good for you if you've reached a point already to take the hurt with grace.

knowledge that you have friends and family who love you, no matter how you feel unloved, also helps. because then, you are governed more by what you know and believe, rather than how you feel.

feelings can be revealing, yes.

but they can also be misleading...

for betrayal, rejection, prejudice, violence, abuse, catching someone in a lie, injustice, etc... all just give rise to pain and anger...

but when you're able to make sense of the pain... and when you acknowledge that most of the time, it's your thoughts (assumptions, beliefs, expectations and own prejudice) that bring you pain, then you're able to detach yourself long enough from the pain to make sense of it...

and if you're blessed with common sense, you come up with an action plan

and when you're brave enough, you act, and stop reacting (at least negatively)

this doesn't mean that the tears stop... or that there aren't sad nights...

but at least you no longer have to be stuck in a never-ending cycle of questions and self-disgust

at least, you're free to still live your life the way it should be lived

and you're more empowered to let go of possible emotional baggages

and you don't forget the other reasons you have to smile and be grateful for

*~*

may yesterday serve as a reminder to me to only surround myself with people who live a congruent life... those who speak what they mean, and mean what they tell you, and who deliver on their words... those who, though they may hurt me, will honor me with the truth rather than false hopes

*~*

naks, blog posts for 3 consecutive days :)

funny how one of the more important persons in my life celebrates his birthday a day after my sister...

he, who became my best friend from accompanying me to gimiks mostly...

he, who was always just happy puffing on his ciggies while being quiet in some corner, people-watching, soundstripping silently...

he, who would always tag along but would also always just let me be

he, who always let me have my fun, but made sure i didn't have fun i'd regret later

he, who always brought me home

and who routinely texts me

he, who alone believed me when others wouldn't

he, who always cared and watched out for me

he, who would always give me much-needed reality check

he, who seemingly is the exact opposite of me

happy birthday, ganda :) enjoy today ha? all i wish is good health, fulfillment of dreams and happiness for you, as always :)

*~*

ansarap lang talaga ng birthday food, i swear :)

My sis turned 20 today. She went to the parlor last night, got hot oil treatments and a new hairstyle. She requested spaghetti for dinner. Am also making the brownie chicken nuggets they love which I seldom make. And it's Becky's cakes tonight.

Anyway, am still too tired and busy and sleepy to write some sort of testimony on how much I love her... suffice it to say that I do and forever will.

Happy birthday sis...