MEComposing

about a friend I lost, who hopefully is happy now, and secure with who she is, and with the relationship she has

I wasn't the only girl in a family where a Mom is sick...

I wasn't the one who have never been in a boy-girl relationship... till the age of, about 21

I wasn't the one who, in my generosity, and because I was overwhelmed with my feelings... would gift a crush with hard-bound Harry Potter books... the same crush who would go on and fall for someone else... leaving me ranting and hanging out wih that guy's friend...

I wasn't the guy who fell in love with my crush's friend... who was very arrogant in the first place... but yes, I wished you well when you confirmed having gone steady with him, in the middle of the EDSA DOS rallies

I wasn't the one who had to suffer being called BOBO in front of her friends by this guy, always dismissed as stupid, considering it was I that had the really cool programming job...

But yes, I was the one who had to spend 5 days with you two in Boracay... having my heart break, and my blood boil, while I witness how a friend of mine I really care about get verbally abused in front of her friends...

I wasn't the one who had to be asked to dress up, to impress my boyfriend's friends... just because he was being asked to model outfits (w/c really isn't saying much about his physique)

And I wasn't the one who felt insecure about how this boyfriend is great friends with another friend in the group... so much so that I'd even absent myself at get-togethers if i learn that this girl is going to be there...

And how much it must have hurt, because it wasn't me in the situation, to be in some cold country for months and continually be unable to get hold of a boyfriend I miss so much, and then find out that he went dancing, or had coffee, with the friend am jealous of...

But that friend, she was really just friends with your guy, you know... she was dating other people... she also couldn't know (because you didn't give yourself a chance to be close to her) that your boyfriend was making all these alibis about not having enough allowance, or being busy with schoolwork... when actually, he even has enough money to treat her when they go on gimiks...

And it wasn't I who worked in the same company as another crush... who recently got married by the way (want me to direct you to her beautiful wedding MTV?)

It wasn't I who kept hurting you... who kept making you insecure...

It wasn't I who pushed your friends to give up on you... because they hated how negatively this guy changed you... year in, year out...

But yes, I was among the happy ones to know, even if you were crying already, unable to admit to me the other things you've compromised about yourself just to keep this guy, as you told me about breaking up with him...

I rejoiced in the opportunity that you'd find a better man...

And yes, when I saw your cutesy ekeks in friendster about being in love, I really thought it was with a different guy... you were so happy. And you wouldn't tell me who the guy was.

I let you be.

And then a dinner was arranged for our barkada to meet up. And I was aghast to know that you were coming with the guy... and informed that you guys were together again...

But see...

It wasn't I who drank myself silly in some bar, and hooked up and had a one-night stand with some girl... from MTC... a board I also frequent.

And it wasn't I who approached me, to ask if your boyfriend was a kiss-and-tell type... having heard that I know your guy from PEX pa...

But yes, I had to ask when you got back with your guy... because I wanted to know if he was fooling around when he's supposedly with you...

And yes, maybe it was a mistake on my part to have cared so much about you... and to have worried so much that you were throwing your life away all over again...

Yes, maybe it was unthoughtful to have told you how I've heard your guy has been dating women in that message board... and how I know of one instance wherein he might have done something kinky with someone else...

And yes, call it mean to not even NAME the girl...

But why should I?

It wasn't the girl who was betraying your trust...

And before I knew it, you have very-emotionally tattled all to your guy... not even thinking to investigate a little before confronting him... not even thinking to validate my story...or at least get a clearer grasp of what things he could have done that he didn't tell you about...

And then your guy was breathing down my neck already...

What, tell the girl's name and have him breathing down her neck too...or have you knocking on her door...?

She doesn't owe you anything.

And I still believe I don't owe you a name.

And yes, maybe I was wrong to meddle, maybe you're actually real happy with the abuse you get from him.

But sis, It wasn't me who made you feel insecure and disgusted with your own self. It wasn't me who turned you away from your values. It wasn't me who made you lose friends. It wasn't me who made you cry every night, and who, I fear, still do.

And no, it wasn't me who is making up stories. If that one-night girl made it up (though I can't think of any reason why she would), my only mistake is to repeat it to you. But never to anyone else.

Until this post anyway. But again, that story was not made up.

It wasn't me that failed to love you. It wasn't me who NEVER saw how beautiful and caring and creative and intelligent you are. It wasn't me who never made you feel loved. It wasn't me who lied to you.

Am sorry, It just wasn't me.

P.S.

and just for the record, Q------ and I were never steadies... and he's happy where he is right now (i hope)... and he's been a good friend to you... you even call him KUYA, remember? don't drag his name and dirty it up just because you don't have the guts to confront me...
.