one-night stands

5:45 PM Wednesday, June 29, 2005

I have no idea why they even call them that, since they're seldom standing anyway... usually they're rolling on some motel bed, sometimes it's not even nighttime...

Usually, they're also drunk.

What a friggin' waste of carnal moment, if I may say so.

I mean, if you're going to sleep with a stranger anyway... someone you connected with (however superficially and fleetingly) and most probably share the same sense of adventure with (or at least, the same need for constant variety.. or fine, the same impulsive nature)... why not make the most out of it?

How?

First... by making him/her believe that you are one of the best times of his/her short life.

Second... by bringing out the animal passionate, surrendering side he/she has never known he/she possessed.

:)

You'd need around an hour to prime each other up... thank heavens for text messaging, you can even do it earlier. Meet to have a light meal, size each other up (again, don't get each other drunk), talk, gauge how far one may be willing to go (if you've already agreed to do it, go over what you've told each other about what you like in bed... what is kinky... what is downright foul and dirty... etc)... go dancing... engage in some touching... make deliverable threats and naughty promises...

Always fantasized about bondage, however light? Well... good for us, convenience stores offer hankies!!! Yup.. blindfolded encounters could be double the fun. In lieu of rope, use another hanky. Got some more money? Buy yet another hanky...to be used to titillate the skin of the blindfolded, tied-up one.

Most people have ten fingers and a tongue... and they serve other purposes as well so better allow them this chance to self-realize. Use them to explore each nook and cranny. Alternate between slightly rough and uber gentle. Cold (ice cream) and hot tongue. Soft skin and stubble. Callused fingers and smooth lips.

Take your time. It's not the number of rounds or orgasms (though multiple orgasms are great!) that counts. It's how intensely your bodies will surrender to the sensations... to playing master... or slave.

Say something. Moan. Gasp. Be outspoken about what you enjoy... what feels good. I'm not saying you have to make a commentary out of it... but make sure you flatter him/her... and you appeal to his/her ego. Don't lie nor exaggerate. Just be vocal.

(of course, such an encounter as the one am describing isn't for those who didn't click... or people who didn't believe in baths and dentists)

Of course, use protection. And don't rush the orgasm... and don't separate too soon after you've been sated.

Even if you don't cross paths again... at least it would be an encounter you'd never be ashamed of... or regret.

lapse of judgment

9:17 AM Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Gloria's apology last night greatly reminded me of that time Bill Clinton was under duress... and he was accused of lying to the American people.

He also said that he did not have sex with Monica Lewinsky... after all, the girl just sucked him dry (and happy, I should think).

The two were classmates, right? I wonder who taught them to lie so well that people would even forgive them, or applaud them for being "human" enough to have "lapses of judgment".

*~*

Last words on Sin (link shared by Doc Emer)

am like a mango

2:21 PM Monday, June 27, 2005

Hanged with the AA folks at Discovery Suites last Saturday... we talked of how we've mellowed down.... of good old times... and true misheard lyrics. One of my friends had a maid who used to sing Rico Mambo's chorus that way... "I'm like a mango"

And then Trina made kwento about having to watch a Ms. Burlington Beauty Pageant wherein a contestant introduced herself this way:

"Hi, good evening, I'm Miss _____. I believe that Beauty is in the eye of the beholder... and I... am the beholder"

Trina also made kwento about how a colleague would tell her sometimes, "Trina, where have you been? Migs has been looking at you!"

And then we talked about the early years of Battle of the Brainless.

Filipinos are such an un-boring people. Ahehe

*~*

Not wanting to air our dirty laundry out, let me just say that I'd forever believe that there is such a thing as LUCK... for two people I know who should just really drop dead because of their jerk-dom are getting an opportunity some of us can only dream of.
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flipside of bullying

8:47 AM Wednesday, June 22, 2005

I've watched the shows (like Oprah) that tackled bullying, heard of the horror stories where some child of 10 will even commit suicide in front of his classmates just to get back at them for bullying him, and also end his misery...

Back in my elemetary and high school days... I know of some cliques who thought they're the only ones who can wear red jackets, or sport the same transparent backpack...

But still, eventhough there were always bullies, bullying was not a way of life. Kids still looked forward to going to school in my time...

*~*

My friend Mari has transferred her boys twice already (I think) because they were being bullied.

*~*

But I'm here to talk about the FLIP side...

My boss has been complaining how she's been called by parents/lolas and talked to by teachers regarding her sons (addendum: around 3 occasions in all her 2 boys school life).

Actually, her sons are not bullies. They don't strike fear in their classmates, they don't ask for lunch money, they don't pull someone's pants down.

But as boys, they can be rough.

And real makulit.

And my boss is lamenting about the fact that her boys are being labelled as bullies by classmates who are too whiny and sensitive.

What, she asks, has happened to boys that they can't engage in horseplay anymore? And when did they stop being physical?

And no, it's not really that am all for violence... but in a way, yes, i am all for healthy aggression.

Kids should act like kids and learn to deal with their emotions in all ways possible (and the instances being reported against these boys are not even in moments when they're angry... usually it's just kulitan that got a bit rough... or sometimes they'd greet a classmate with a punch, that sort of thing)... besides, kids GROW UP, they get more PINO in time, and more considerate and sensitive...

But if a kid start out being whiny and sensitive... how can he learn the value of tolerance? Imagine a 7-year old already having the world view of some sort of VICTIM... scary!

*~*

I long for the days when punching each other was more conflict resolution than a lawsuit... or an attitude problem.
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butong pakwan

2:22 PM Monday, June 20, 2005

It's all my boss' fault. Actually, her Mom's. Whenever her Mom goes on a trip to Pampanga, she always comes home with lots of BUTONG PAKWAN (watermelon seeds).

Not just any butong pakwan too, it's always Paning's Butong Pakwan, dry and malutong and not too salty.

And heaven help me, between the two of us (Len and I), we can almost consume a kilo of it in just one day...

Weird that we can do it three straight days in a row, depending on how much her Mom brought for her, without really ruining our teeth or really hurting our lips.

We consume it as we read reports, think while we draft reports and whatever, eat meryenda, and talk.

And heaven help me, I was ecstatic to find out that Cabalen actually sells it... for P62/500 gms. bag... we're now assured that we can have them weekly if we want to.

Yes!!!!!

*~*

I Love Hizon's... their calf liver steak, their hawaiina ham, their broiled prawns in lemon butter suace, their chicken ala king, their grilled blue marlin in white wine...

Love their cakes... caramel and maryann...

Love their toasted yema... and this jellyace-like made from pure egg yolk...

Hay naku, love Hizon's talaga. The world is a better place because am living near their restaurant and bakeshop.

*~*

Ate at Mr. Choi's Kitchen. Their seafood and corn soup and pork chop in lemon sauce... are heavenly!!! Super heavenly!!!! And cheap too :)
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for those who believe...

8:51 AM Wednesday, June 15, 2005

in prayers, please pray...

for a 23-year old girl, spoiled by dad, who have gotten pregnant out of wedlock, to start taking responsibility for her actions... and also be humbled enough to at least apologize to parents she's hurt, and start mending her relationship with her own mother...

and that her younger sister make wiser choices

and her brothers to not allow women they will love (or not) to be in the same situation

and that her father, who have spoiled her so, wake up from his wrong notions of daughter-rearing, and start treating her as an adult with responsibilities and accountabilities, while also supporting her and loving her...

and that her mother can find the grace and the strength to continue loving such an unappreciative child...

and that a soon-to-wed couple get past this little glitch...

that they both make peace with the fact that they won't be giving any set of parents a first apo

and that the bride shouldn't now depend that her mother-in-law can take the place of her Mother (who is living abroad now) when she's pregnant... because that MIL will be helping her daughter raise a child instead...

and that the groom will stop mourning all over again for the child that could have been the first apo... the one he couldn't protect before...

and that the same groom stop being affected in different aspects and levels by what happened... and may he never punch the guy who impreganted his sister (as some big brothers are wont to do)...

and that the couple find ways to start looking forward again to building a family someday... to start kidding each other again about pregnancy and kids, about being a Mommy and a Daddy...

*~*

It's so painful knowing your beloved is hurting and you can't do anything to take the pain away...

*~*

I know there will be better days...

I know our future kids will not be less loved by our families, and I know we'd love them more than we've loved any kid before...

I know things could have been worse...

And I know that every child is still a blessing...

One day at a time... everything will start being OK again...

*~*

By the way... alam nyo bang Tayo'y hindi tigang?
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it wasn't me

10:22 PM Sunday, June 12, 2005

about a friend I lost, who hopefully is happy now, and secure with who she is, and with the relationship she has

I wasn't the only girl in a family where a Mom is sick...

I wasn't the one who have never been in a boy-girl relationship... till the age of, about 21

I wasn't the one who, in my generosity, and because I was overwhelmed with my feelings... would gift a crush with hard-bound Harry Potter books... the same crush who would go on and fall for someone else... leaving me ranting and hanging out wih that guy's friend...

I wasn't the guy who fell in love with my crush's friend... who was very arrogant in the first place... but yes, I wished you well when you confirmed having gone steady with him, in the middle of the EDSA DOS rallies

I wasn't the one who had to suffer being called BOBO in front of her friends by this guy, always dismissed as stupid, considering it was I that had the really cool programming job...

But yes, I was the one who had to spend 5 days with you two in Boracay... having my heart break, and my blood boil, while I witness how a friend of mine I really care about get verbally abused in front of her friends...

I wasn't the one who had to be asked to dress up, to impress my boyfriend's friends... just because he was being asked to model outfits (w/c really isn't saying much about his physique)

And I wasn't the one who felt insecure about how this boyfriend is great friends with another friend in the group... so much so that I'd even absent myself at get-togethers if i learn that this girl is going to be there...

And how much it must have hurt, because it wasn't me in the situation, to be in some cold country for months and continually be unable to get hold of a boyfriend I miss so much, and then find out that he went dancing, or had coffee, with the friend am jealous of...

But that friend, she was really just friends with your guy, you know... she was dating other people... she also couldn't know (because you didn't give yourself a chance to be close to her) that your boyfriend was making all these alibis about not having enough allowance, or being busy with schoolwork... when actually, he even has enough money to treat her when they go on gimiks...

And it wasn't I who worked in the same company as another crush... who recently got married by the way (want me to direct you to her beautiful wedding MTV?)

It wasn't I who kept hurting you... who kept making you insecure...

It wasn't I who pushed your friends to give up on you... because they hated how negatively this guy changed you... year in, year out...

But yes, I was among the happy ones to know, even if you were crying already, unable to admit to me the other things you've compromised about yourself just to keep this guy, as you told me about breaking up with him...

I rejoiced in the opportunity that you'd find a better man...

And yes, when I saw your cutesy ekeks in friendster about being in love, I really thought it was with a different guy... you were so happy. And you wouldn't tell me who the guy was.

I let you be.

And then a dinner was arranged for our barkada to meet up. And I was aghast to know that you were coming with the guy... and informed that you guys were together again...

But see...

It wasn't I who drank myself silly in some bar, and hooked up and had a one-night stand with some girl... from MTC... a board I also frequent.

And it wasn't I who approached me, to ask if your boyfriend was a kiss-and-tell type... having heard that I know your guy from PEX pa...

But yes, I had to ask when you got back with your guy... because I wanted to know if he was fooling around when he's supposedly with you...

And yes, maybe it was a mistake on my part to have cared so much about you... and to have worried so much that you were throwing your life away all over again...

Yes, maybe it was unthoughtful to have told you how I've heard your guy has been dating women in that message board... and how I know of one instance wherein he might have done something kinky with someone else...

And yes, call it mean to not even NAME the girl...

But why should I?

It wasn't the girl who was betraying your trust...

And before I knew it, you have very-emotionally tattled all to your guy... not even thinking to investigate a little before confronting him... not even thinking to validate my story...or at least get a clearer grasp of what things he could have done that he didn't tell you about...

And then your guy was breathing down my neck already...

What, tell the girl's name and have him breathing down her neck too...or have you knocking on her door...?

She doesn't owe you anything.

And I still believe I don't owe you a name.

And yes, maybe I was wrong to meddle, maybe you're actually real happy with the abuse you get from him.

But sis, It wasn't me who made you feel insecure and disgusted with your own self. It wasn't me who turned you away from your values. It wasn't me who made you lose friends. It wasn't me who made you cry every night, and who, I fear, still do.

And no, it wasn't me who is making up stories. If that one-night girl made it up (though I can't think of any reason why she would), my only mistake is to repeat it to you. But never to anyone else.

Until this post anyway. But again, that story was not made up.

It wasn't me that failed to love you. It wasn't me who NEVER saw how beautiful and caring and creative and intelligent you are. It wasn't me who never made you feel loved. It wasn't me who lied to you.

Am sorry, It just wasn't me.

P.S.

and just for the record, Q------ and I were never steadies... and he's happy where he is right now (i hope)... and he's been a good friend to you... you even call him KUYA, remember? don't drag his name and dirty it up just because you don't have the guts to confront me...
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Dakki has had 2 operations already. And after 3 weeks, she's had her first 5cc of milk. She's still under observation and she still needs medicines and prayers... but we're really proud of this little fighter.

Thank you all for those who have offered God a silent prayer for her.

*~*

Constructing, validating, adminsitering and interpreting standardized tests... PNU had excellent professors to teach us and train us in those things.

Which is why, for the life of me, I cannot quite reconcile why PRC would include the following questions in their Board Exam for Nurses:

1) When does parenthood end?
Choices include
a) courtship to marriage
b) courtship to menopause

etc... all beginning with courtship.

2) Your guy friend is working abroad and you find out that his wife is seeing her ex. Do you...

WTF!!!

It may be an ethics/morality question, but really, WTF???!!???

at may follow up ya-an...

3) The wife got pregnant by her ex. What do you...

Tsk. And such questions are supposed to pick the best among the rest.

Tsk.

(my cousin asked me these questions... and what could have been the RIGHT answer... susmio)

*~*

My colleagues and I have got to talking about circumcision. I even asked some blog friends to provide me with a picture of an uncircumcised pecker (btw, I can use the proper word, am desensitized to it, but I don't want to have WinGate blocking me from my own blog).

Anyway, can't help but wondering who actually thought to remove that piece of skin, and why... how could anyone possibly imagine that such won't kill an infant? I know it's already a practice in the Bible... but you know...since when has it been a practice? And what purpose did it really serve?

And how about the Pinoys? Did we practice it before the Spaniards came, or was it brought to us? I heard it's part of Moslems' rite of passage, so did they have it before? Do ALL Moslems practice it? Do ALL Catholics?

*~*

Please pray for my fave aunt, who's confined in the hospital for pneumonia... may we get her to take her meds.
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career-pathing...

3:07 PM Tuesday, June 07, 2005

For around two years now, i've been feeling the ghost of stagnation hovering above me, where work is concerned.

I'm just not productive anymore.

And I don't really like most of my bosses anymore, where work is concerned.

And the bureaucracy has finally become something I cannot tolerate. And so I'd go to work, performing my assigned tasks without gusto... knowing that half of them will go to waste because reports and whatever will be unutilized by the crocodiles and vultures that run the show...

And so I taught part-time. To destroy the monotony and redundancy that is my career (not that its perks aren't nice, esply when compared to other government agencies)...

Oh yeah... before, when I was feeling burned-out... I also took up mountaineering.

And now, i've taken to volunteering in weddings... and coordinating my own, of course.

Still, there's that silent ghost that's becoming all the more restless... all the more needing to be addressed... confronted...

And then, fave boss talked to me this morning. She has applied for a post in another agency and so far, it looks like she might get it. And I hope... and I know... she'd get it. She may be gone by August.

And i'd still be here.

So now am here, revisiting the choices/reasons that made me stay here for 5 years (bonuses are great, got promoted twice, work hours are not too difficult, my weekends and nights are mine, no competition really, security of tenure, generally kind people to work with, place near home, prestigious opportunities like meeting/attending to head honchos and being party to classified information)...

I cannot say I sold out... I cannot say I didn't grow professionally.

But I was not exactly educated and trained for this.

I was educated and trained to be a trainor, or a teacher, or a counselor/therapist...

And I cannot say this is what I dreamed to do.

For I dreamed of working for NGOs.

And now, I learn about this and I cannot help but silently mourn... weep ...

For now, more than ever, I need the security of a job and the guarantee of a salary... for a future family.

And yet, somehow, more than ever... I am being called to service and self-realization.

Maybe if I cry this out tonight, i'd be ok by tomorrow.
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I know I have my moments too, when I forget to allow someone to just rant and feel and wallow... intolerant of mushiness and depression and negative thoughts...

Good thing though, am not exactly one of them shiny-happy people who can't be comfortable when somebody isn't ok...

Because almost half the time, am also not ok... or at least, not that ok... (what is ok, anyway?)

*~*

Two years ago saw the first reference to a really sad time in my life... where a close gal pal hooked up with an ex (who i was very much in love with still, and who I considered for a really long time to be my GLD... "greatest love to date")...

Giving up their friendship because I was in such pain... having all the things I believed in about love and friendship invalidated... really being self-destructive and uncaring of my health, my life, my heart (though I was never suicidal, i kept wishing i'd just die)... really being down on my knees.... really HURT...

That was a really trying time.

And though I am now friends with them again (though we're still not as close as we were before), and in a place where I am really happy for them, and can have fun with them, and love them enough to wish them well, and with JRA (who, I consider, to be the greatest love of my life)... am still not in a place where I can say that OUR PAST isn't a sore subject anymore.

Meaning... when the girl e-mailed me about how happy she is about my wedding plans and also told me about how she only really breathed easy when I started talking to them again... and how she misses the closeness we had...

Unbidden tears still sprung to my eyes...

Making kwento about this to some people, I was slightly offended that there was the automatic assumption that:

1) I wasn't over the hurt

2) That I have not let go

3) That am no longer entitled to the pain

At least, that was how I was made to feel.

For, no matter how well meaning the remark, it just sometimes make one really feel that she isn't entitled to get hurt by her past.

Which is like telling a man who once had to beg for food not to feel sore about poverty... or a woman who has lost a child not to feel sore about not being a Mom...

I chalk like comments to the fact that few people really know me... and really love me... or view things the way I do...

Otherwise, they'd have known that I have forgiven and moved on...

And that it was just really one trying time that, had I been consulted, I wouldn't ever have wished to experience... despite generally not regretting anything in my life... despite being happy where I am and who I am becoming...

Or that they'd have known that despite the twinge and sad reminiscing... I AM living in the present and not stayed stuck there...

And so, I just want to say, that I don't even need to make sense of the pain that I still feel... occasionally... when I really revisit that period in my life. For I already know that things will turn out well for all of us....

It's just that I hope... some people in my life will allow me to tell my stories... or to talk about my feelings, without having to defend them or having them challenged...

After all, I am some woman, right? :)

*~*

Pyro sings Happy Birthday like this... pabileykey tu yu

he already says "thank you" and knows when to say it...

he has already memorized chanting one to ten, and isa hanggang sampu (although with him, he shortens syam and sampu by saying syampu)

he sings... "nanay tatay....nananana... kape...nanana hotdog"

or... "nanay tatay...nanana .. enge pera" :D

he recognizes Blue's Clues... refers to it as Buklus...

and can differentiate the two Bitoys in our family as Big Bitoy and Eisen

he sings Bahay Kubo... and other nursery rhymes...

for a child turning two... i believe people would agree that his language development (have i told you she chants and sings on tune?) is advanced for his age...

and yes, we love him so! and ok, am one proud auntie!

*~*

Spent the weekend watching STAR WARS 4-6... arrgghh...

And I don't know how Darth Vader could always sense Luke Skywalker's presence (the jedi in him), but not Leia's...

And I loved the EWOKS... gosh, I was such a fan of their mini-series... and that movie with the cute girl (Cindel) and her big brother (Mace). "CINDEL" went on to play a very important role in my life...

And now I know why millions of men masturbated to Leia... if i stretch my imagination, yeah, her killing Jabba the Hutt that way was just purely bondage and S&M... sure... fine...

*~*

The Blogkada I belong to have agreed that we'd be writing on how great it is to be Pinoy for the whole month... kindly visit us to be reminded of the little things that make us a great nation too... and what makes Philippines home, even to expats and foreigners...

Better if you'd also write about the same general topic... let us know... let us celebrate being Filipinos and Filipinas together in the blogopshere.
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It's really not my wonderful news to tell... but a lot of bloggers have been witness to how Jet labored for over a year reviewing for the Nursing Board Exams in California. And yes, she passed... and she is, as we speak, being propelled to her next great adventure with her hubby.

*~*

My parents' room is currently wallpapered with Manila paper filled with formulas and text. My Sis can sometimes be heard dictating or demanding answers. See... this Sunday, my cousin Tin (who's been like a sister for having lived with us these past 4 years), together with thousands of other hopefuls, will be taking the Board Exams for Nurses.

And in some other public school, raspberry will be taking the Licensure Exam for Teachers (LET). Again, with thousands of other hopefuls.

Please pray that their hard work will be rewarded... and they'd make their parents proud. And they'd be blessed in the professions they've chosen...

*~*

I remember that I also reviewed for LET. Not that it was much of a review because hundreds of us are asked to gather in gyms. Usually we'd just take and retake tests, get evaluated, etc.

And usually, we'd be reprimanded by a guard or professor... because we'd be found in the university lawn, playing Pusoy Dos. That was us, pretending we're reviewing.

When we can't pretend any longer, we hail our butts to the nearest mall to watch movies and just hang out.

I took the exam for Elementary Education so it was a battery of tests on different subjects. I'd fall asleep in between. I also brought so much candy and water with me... as if channelling, or challenging, the claim that sweets activate your thinking powers. (yeah, fine, it was the perfect excuse for chocolates... can you blame me?)

And I shook my head a lot and tskd! a lot because half of those taking the exam with me REFUSED TO FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS. Or maybe they just didn't read them. But you know, they're going to be teachers... for heaven's sake!

Anyway, yes, I passed with relatively good ratings. Less than a month later, I also took the CSC Professional Exam. Passed that one too.

Admittedly, I didn't care much about what ratings i'd get (though in retrospect, I get a little embarrassed sometimes that I didn't get really high ratings) then because I already had an eligibility under my belt. Graduating with honors automatically awards one (of course, you have to register) with a Professional eligibility in this country of ours, by virtue of PD 907 (which also awards the same to SK officials... demmet).

And graduating then, all I wanted was to travel, or work as a counselor or in some project for an NGO.

And I don't know how to end this post.

Am sleepy now. So there. Happy weekend.
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something came up...

2:34 PM Wednesday, June 01, 2005

one dream I plan to realize this June.

I am so giddy with excitement... every woman should just really do this at least once.

And no, am not talking about having your toes sucked. Or getting a brazilian.

Basta!
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