10:44 AM Wednesday, April 28, 2004


I am slated to read the FIRST READING for my friend Libet's wedding.

The First Reading is taken from the Book of Sirach.

The husband of a good wife is a fortunate man; he will live twice as long because of her. A fine wife is a joy to her husband, and he can live out his years in peace. A good wife is among the precious blessings given to those who fear the Lord. Whether such men are rich or poor, they will be happy and look cheerful.

A gracious wife is her husband's delight; her abilities make him a stronger man. A silent wife is a gift from the Lord. A modest wife has endless charm; it is a quality too precious to measure. The beauty of a good wife in her well-kept home is like the noonday sun shining in the Lord's sky.

The Word of the Lord.

Hmm... i went on to check the SECOND READING

The Second Reading is taken from the Book of the Ephesians.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to Himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the Church - for we are members of His body. "For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh." This is a profound mystery - but I am talking about Christ and the Church. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

I'm wondering now if all readings for the wedding mass have to be these two... and am rethinking a Church Wedding yet again.

I am deeply offended. The first reading talked on and on about how a good wife is a blessing to his husband, which is only true if the husband is good himself. An irresponsible, unfaithful brute, no matter how good a wife he may have, will stay that way and forever be a cause of pain and misery to his significant others, and the society in general. And where is the passage that silently demands that a husband be a good husband to his wife so she will also be blessed with joy and good inspiration?

The second reading was equally bad. Christ didn't give himself up on the Cross to make women holy, and to cleanse women... Christ gave himself
up to prove His love for all mankind... and to atone for all sins that were committed and those that will still be committed. If there was cleansing, it wasn't for women alone. I don't care if there were specific instructions for men to love their wives as they love themselves... put like that, it just seemed like an afterthought at being FAIR.

And no, this is not because i've just finished Dan Brown's DA VINCI CODE (a great novel with its fast-paced plot, its factual description of artworks, its rough summary of spiritual history, its attempt at providing a single motivation for all the crap women suffered from for centuries). I've always bristled with annoyance from what I hear priests say during wedding ceremonies... but now that a really close friend is getting married, i've gotten a closer look and I didn't like it some more.

I have always questioned a God and a Church and a belief and a state and a constitution that does not protect and respect its women, when these same people are the ones who give birth and ensure the preservation of the human race because of that inherent capacity.

And I know I'd refuse to have a marriage blessed with words that will not be fair to me, or exacting of my spouse.

12:19 PM Thursday, April 22, 2004

If Tomorrow Starts Without Me

If tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes
All filled with tears for me;

I wish so much you wouldn't cry
The way you did today,
While thinking of the many things,
We didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too;

But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try to understand,
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand,

And said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind
All those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye
For all my life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.

I had so much to live for,
So much left yet to do,
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays,
The good ones and the bad,
The thought of all the love we shared,
And all the fun we had.

If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for a while,
I'd say good-bye and kiss you
And maybe see you smile.

But then I fully realized,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
Would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you, and when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through Heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.
When God looked down and smiled at me,
From His great golden throne,

He said, "This is eternity,
And all I've promised you."
Today your life on earth is past,
But here life starts anew.

I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
And since each day's the same way
There's no longing for the past.

You have been so faithful,
So trusting and so true.
Though there were times you did
Some things you knew you shouldn't do.

But you have been forgiven
And now at last you're free.
So won't you come and take my hand
And share my life with me?

So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here, in your heart.

~ Author Unknown ~

... i asked someone yesterday, if he'd still be sad when he finds out i've died...

11:17 AM Tuesday, April 20, 2004


oh how i long for you
how i crave you on my lips... down my throat
how i miss your sweetness
in my bed
before i sleep
how i toss and turn now
as i think
of all the joyous wonder
you bring to my life
and how you melt
at the touch of my fingers
really, how i yearn
to experience again
the ecstasy you bring to me
the comfort just having you
gives to me
sigh, your company is first-rate
i love you, white chocolate


W - is for the weight I gain, eating WC
H - is for the happiness, WC brings to me
I - is for the person who loves WC so much
T - is for the Toblerone that sometimes help get me by
E - is for the Egg produced by Cadbury White

C - is for Cadbury, producing pure WC
H - is for the heaven WC brings me to
O - is for the orgasmic feeling every bite gives to me
C - is for the comfort only WC can give
O - is for the oozing cream from Cadbury Eggs
L - is for the love that makes friends give me some
A - is for the ardor I feel for WC
T - is for the tingling feeling I get when surprised with WC
E - is for the everafter that i'm sure to be its slave

sniff... sniff...

11:24 AM Thursday, April 15, 2004


I heard you're working nearby... saw you online in YM... wondered if we're friends again... wondered if you're happy... wondered if you're doing well...

Sometimes, I also wonder... should I have not said that goodbye...

Then again, I really didn't think I can handle another year of tears and crossing my fingers... hoping you'd be the man I know you can be...

I loved you then... in my own may, I still love you now... you've carved your part in my heart, so I guess you'd have a niche there forever...

So... just take care... and yes, sometimes, I really miss you...

Especially when the full moon is out... and the night sky is all lit up...


1:10 PM Wednesday, April 14, 2004

ABS-CBN, for all it's superficial actors in shallow roles in stupid shows, has outdone itself in it's latest commercial (for lack of a better term).

It was only last night that I saw the entire 'commercial'. And I was touched to the core.

My cousins were ready to throw slippers at me because I couldn't quit saying... I PLAYED THOSE GAMES!!!

Sigh... shato, piko, trag-tragaran, agawan-panyo, putbol...

I was a child of the streets... out the soonest I can escape from the clutches of my mom and the maid... still out as long as my mom hasn't gotten out of bed in the evening to personally fetch me and my brother...

I fetched balls from the open canal bordering our street... hid under cobwebby houses and behind garbage dumps... i climbed trees... i bridged walls... i participated in fist fights...

How I pity the kids now that they don't even play these games anymore... How fun for them is limited to what their fingers, eyes and inherent angst can bring them... instead of being creative and inventive as holding your own Santacruzan whenever you want it...

9:33 AM Monday, April 12, 2004

Family went to Tagbakin, extension of Taal Lake reachable by foot or any vehicle from our barrio in Lipa... It was very hot and humid, the kids were all pasaways, the food and booze was overflowing... yeah, yeah... not really the best celebration/remembrance of Black Saturday...

All seven kids (eldest is 7, youngest is 8 months) got mouthfuls of the mossy, weedy lake water... but alas, they're still up and about and none the worse.

Here, one and a half Kulay 'loves' Pyro...


Heard from Pyro's mom that my beloved nephew just had his first fall... from a bed in Lipa... but that Pyro is happy and kickin' dust again (actually, he loved the sound TUKOs make, and keeps going after the BUNOT).

Aww, my baby's first fall... it's official, he's human and he'd have slips and falls and he'd bounce back :)

Am so proud!!!


Nowhere will you find three bitchier, moodier, fickle-minded and princess-acting girls... :)

Bonita can be such a pain in all her beauty!!! (her Dad keeps insisting she got my walk and my ass too). And my sister equals hardcore PMS, i swear. And then, there's me (haha, wearing that orange top again).


1:39 PM Friday, April 02, 2004

Holy Week is up ahead... and I have not even given a thought to my spiritual life... This week, i've mostly been partying and spending, since I know i'd be stuck home all week next week... taking care of kids and kids and kids...

You know how many nephews and nieces I have, ryt? :)

But am not complaining... am just really enjoying adult company as much as I can before I go headlong and deal with diapers and drool.

Meanwhile, is it any obvious that this tyke is happily climbing stairs now? Yes, my nephew is growing up... sniff.. sniff (i'd have taken a pic of his 4 front teeh but he just won't cooperate)