sad Christmas

3:09 AM Friday, December 29, 2006

I was actually dreading Christmas this year... because Mom won't be around to turn December into Christmas.

And then the many losses of loved ones by loved ones and loved ones' friends...

Tito Rolly lost his beloved Mom 3 days before Christmas.

Then I had to endure an oxygen-tanked Pyro for Christmas... then awakened 6 hours before he expires by a frantic call from a crying brother... the day before I was supposed to celebrate my first anniversary as a married woman.

My sister, seeking solace by spreading the sad news of her beloved nephew and godson's death, told a friend that Py expired at 10:45 AM of December 27... to which her friend got goosebumps because her boyfriend died that same day... that same time... of leukemia.

My cousin then got news of her friend's 8-month old baby dying from a second heart surgery December 28.

And I found out that a 5-year old niece has to have her heart operated on asap because the hole in it she was born with is now really compromising her health.

And my Mom, all by herself in the US refuse to come home for Py's burial... choosing instead to cope by imagining him still alive and just forever out of sight.

And me... I have to deal with the trauma of watching someone die... and my mind has rather turned it into an exaggeratedly violent, ugly episode that wouldn't go away when I close my eyes.

People here need help and prayers!


12:36 AM Saturday, December 16, 2006

... i've lately wondered if a guy is more likely to rape a pretty girl, or an average or ugly one.

Because when you hear of a rape case going on, the first thing one does is judge the girl... does she look innocent? does she look like she 'invited' it or asked for it? does she look the type to trigger a man's baser instinct and drive him to behave like some common animal?

So, if a girl is pretty... one might say that her beauty indeed appealed to a man in a crazy way. And one can presume that she has other suitors, may even be used to rejecting men, etc. thus driving this one to feel so bad and wacko.

But then again, there are ugly girls getting raped. And I think some men accord pretty women more respect, thus raping an ugly, non-descript one doesn't seem much of a crime to them. And if the girl turns him in, who is to believe her?

Esply since rape is less a sexual crime, but more a crime of power. Exerting one's will over someone else's.


And then suddenly you see men talking about men's rights...

I understand how easily a woman can destroy a man's reputation by accusing him of rape... or abuse. And many have taken that route, sadly.

But instances like that are still the great minority. But of course, I would hope that the laws that were created before people thought to be gender-sensitive already allows these people some amount of protection.

Supposedly, the law protects us all from wrongful accusations.

And actually, I don't have any problems about men wanting to fortify our basic rights to protect themselves for scenarios such as rape and abuse accusations.

But I do have a problem when they go about nitpicking on the 'extras' they perceive are being accorded to women... like automatic child custody in cases of separation (unless the woman was deemed unfit), the segregation at LRT, etc. Men are even blaming women for broken marriages, because we're supposedly more vocal and independent now. And some even go so far as to suggest some sort of world domination going on, starting with women leaders and corporate bosses.



this is so pathetic but...

1:31 PM Friday, December 08, 2006

I am on pins and needles... in a good way... about my dancing gimik tomorrow night with a friend.

I miss dancing. I miss being out. I miss dressing up. I miss healthy male attention (from other men). I miss the girl talk. I miss the powder room. I miss having a social life.

Last year... I stopped going on gimiks because I was attending to family and my wedding. The people I go on gimiks with also got busy... finding partners, losing loved ones, getting new jobs, etc. So I didn't feel left out because there were a lot going on in my life. I also got to bond with fellow future-brides (then) and we'd be attending wedding fairs together and what-nots.

Early this year, it also felt natural for me to stay home and enjoy my new home... and my husband. Having my own TV also meant I could reach the apex of my couch potato-ness, so I was rushing home just to watch the Food Network...

But everything settled down and my hubby settled into a weekly gimik with his colleagues... leaving me alone at home most Friday nights and some Saturday nights as well.

Could you spell E-N-V-Y?

I don't begrudge hubs his night outs with the boys... because I was the one who believed that we need the time apart to keep our relationship healthy.

But I was left with no girl friends to hang out with. Most of my social life happen over the internet... chatting and exchanging e-mails... but I was not meeting friends in person.

That felt bad. Sad.

I have a lot of friends... but none of them were ever the type to really meet up. I usually just meet friends once a year, in some before-Christmas gathering, or some other celebration. Arranging to meet monthly over dinner... causes too much hassle and eats up too much of my cellphone load.

So i've given up.

My last bit of hope is Mari... and she had to suddenly work nights. Lolz.

And that time we went to Decades several months ago... we were disappointed because the place played RnB at around 2:00 AM, when we were both already bummed out.

But tomorrow night... I meet some of my Boondocker friends and their kids... and will go dancing with a girlfriend.

May I sweat and grind and bump and shake and jiggy and everything else...and have so much fun to make up for all the months I stayed home!!!

And next weekend, apart from attending a wedding... i'd also be hanging out with girl friends at White Bird.

can't wait... can't wait...

my new toy...

12:13 PM Wednesday, December 06, 2006

... a clit vibe :)

Bought it last week at Pride Exchange (Nakpil cor Orosa) with much embarrassment... and was disappointed because it's a dull color yellow. And i found it too big for my tastes.

Handling it last night, I couldn't help but feel stupid because i've been describing it as "konti na lang, para nang vibrator but weirdly-shaped" when actually, what i was describing was the friggin' battery compartment pala. Nyahahaha.

But the tickler itself is still bigger than the one I first handled (in an MTC EB years ago, which my friends used mostly to tickle me with).

So anyway, hubs was working late and I was alone and freshly-salt scrubbed so I got it out of its box... and put in batteries.


Twas really weird. In a nice, different way. I won't go into the details of how I used it... but use it I did.


Now, my fingers won't need to get tired anymore... in the odd moments when I want to self-gratify.


I still draw the line on vibes and dildos... for me. I just worship flesh way too much! :)

This is such a cheap thrill and I really am so bad, but i absolutely enjoy listening to Mo Twister, Mojojo and Andi-9 at Magic 89.9 Mondays-Thursdays (around 7 AM to 10 am, i think)... especially their Forbidden Questions segment that happens every Wednesdays.

Last week had Borgy Manotoc answering the 40 usually controvery-resulting questions (actually, it only becomes controversial because celebrities are asked about who they think are plastic, who they think had plastic surgeries and didn't admit it, which shows they don't care for in their home networks, who they think are gay, etc). And may I just say that i've always acknowledged how good-looking he is (you know, not handsome in a pretty way, tall, lean, with those luscious lips) but never really cared for him... but listening to him and hearing him sound really cool and smart and funny (and by golly, his voice is just made for the bedroom!)... now am one of those who wouldn't mind sleeping with him given a chance! Lolz... but really, he's delicious in ways I think Troy Montero will never be.

Anyway, one of the questions asked Borgy was to name 3 celebrities he's slept with. He named Lana Asanin and Victoria London (2 girls I really don't know) and (seemingly) sheepishly whispering Vina Morales' name. Mojo Jojo said he (Borgy) was blushing indeed because it was an absolute shocker! They were all laughing there and such.

And I absolutely felt admiration for Vina for the first time.

And now, Vina's been adamantly denying it... and demanding for an apology (i think even dragging that Borgy apologize also to Pops Fernandez for saying that she's one of the celebs who's gone under the knife and hasn't admitted it)... and threatening to sue. I didn't watch her interview at The Buzz but my sis said she was absolutely shaking.

Here comes the bad me... I know how terrible it is to have some guy say he's slept with you. I know how very offensive and demeaning and embarassing that can be. I went through that at least twice and it was really, really damnening.

But... I actually believe Borgy.

First, because if one listened to his interview, you'd get how unpretentious he really is.

Second, he was the first to be embarrassed by the fact.

Third, he's yummy... and has nothing to gain by dragging Vina's name.

Fourth, yes, there are people like me who believe it was actually a plus ganda points to Vina.

Fifth, Vina Morales has never been known for her virtue and keeping her legs closed to men. Honestly.

And I actually wouldn't be blogging about this if it hasn't dragged on and on... and people like Cristy Fermin didn't get involved (she had the gall to say Borgy lacked breeding... this coming from a person who's earning from fanning gossip). And ok, I can't exactly frame my other thoughts into coherent... stuff.



A friend gave birth to a beautiful girl 2 days ago. I also attended a christening 2 days ago. Hay. I am so inggit!


I never saw an episode before... but someone gave my hubs e-copies of the episodes of DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES and we decided to watch the,

And now am hooked (am on the 21st episode of Season 1, i think).

I knew it was about housewives but didn't think it was so dark and tragic and really wonderfully written. So now I alternate it with my Friends marathon.

JRA asked which of the couples there we most resemble... and I guess it'd have to be Lynette's. And I realized that I have Lynette's strong sense of right and self-sacrifice, Susan's clumsiness and Gabrielle's horniness... but I cannot identify with Mrs. Van de Kamp. And I really pray i'd never have a kid like hers... because how do you deal with a person without a conscience?

So yeah... I was unproductive over the weekend. :D