meant to be

10:04 PM Saturday, July 28, 2007

I've written about the unfaithful husband. This is the silver lining in that cloud.

I was originally friends with the husband, then he introduced his wife to us. Like what I said, the wife was a very pretty, very charming woman. She's also best friends with the wife of one of my hubby's high school barkada.

And I got to spend time with their three wonderful kids.

Anyway, when the husband was greatly embittered by the unfaithful woman he gave up his family for, he told me that he was trying to win his family back. But it was harder to do because his ex-wife is with someone else now too.

The wife e-mailed me about a week ago and she shared with me a truly wonderful love story.

There was this guy she knew from childhood... that guy's family moved to the US when he was around 11 but their families remained in contact so they grew up still being friends, and very close despite the distance.

They were never involved romantically. But they were close.

The girl met her husband-to-be in high school... he was her first and last boyfriend. They got married a few years after graduating from college. They were married for ten years before the split happened.

The girl/wife told me that she almost didn't marry her husband then... being so confused about her feelings for him, and her feelings for her then bestfriend (who was still living in the US). But she did marry him... and lost her friend in the process. The guy admitted to being so devastated by her marriage to someone else.

So for around ten years... they weren't friends anymore.

And then the divorce happened. Girl is living with her kids in Las Vegas and picking up the pieces of her family life. News of her divorce reached her childhood friend through mutual friends... and he left his life in New York without batting an eyelash, to move to Las Vegas.

He never married, you see.

And the kids? They have grown so fond of him that they refer to him as "Dad".

And the girl? Giddy with happiness.


And the ex-husband? Back with the girl.

He called me the other day to solicit help in verifying his girlfriend's story (that involves her colleague, who is one of the many engineers under my hubby's supervision). Hubby refused to check the story out because he hates the girl for making work harder for him... and he doesn't want us involved in their drama.

In a way, I am not surprised he's back with the girl. I could detect from our conversations before that he was just angry and hurt, but he hasn't learned his lesson... nor has he any amount of self-preservation left in him.

(Oh.... but he says he intends to fool around while being with this girl, and that he'd learn to let her go while being with her)

It's that sad.

What's even sadder is him trying to borrow money from his ex-wife... because of a P1M financial problem that his ex-wife doesn't know how he could have acquired.

He did buy his girlfriend a car (albeit second-hand). And once, he told his son that he doesn't have money to buy him the game he wants... only to be found later on a vacation with the girlfriend. So yes, one can only guess why he's in debt.

What's even saddest?

His kids have stopped calling him Dad and have learned to refer to him by name.

Unlike two years ago, where I was among those who were lined up in front of National bookstore at just before 7:00 AM to get my copy of the latest HP book, I got my copy of the Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows at after lunch last Saturday.

And I didn't get to read it till around 9:30 PM that night. It took me around 16 hours to finish the book. And I really couldn't go without sleep and naps and breaks for mealtimes (also, wiwi breaks, hehe). But my unborn cooperated by not kicking and rolling around inside so much (which actually worried me because am used to getting distracted every hour by his frolicking) so I found it easier to get comfortable while reading.

And alas, I shed tears.

Two of the characters I didn't want to die were killed in the battle between Good and Bad Magic. But weirdly enough, because their deaths transpired during the 'war' where too much was going on, I was mostly left shocked and sad.

So ok, revise, revise... I cried more when Dobbey died. And when the Weasleys gathered around George when he got his ear cut off. (partida, I didn't post the names of the other main characters who died!)

It's amazing though how a lot of Potter fans' guesses were right regarding who RAB was (but nobody, I think, got how he did it, right), and Snape's love for Lily, and about Harry being a Horcrux. It just goes to show that a lot have really imbibed the saga and came close to how JK Rowling thinks and feels.

I didn't care if Harry died or not... and I didn't think he will, and fans can rest easy that he didn't.

And am glad that Snape was redeemed... because I actually really like his character :)

Anyway, this last HP book is just really DARK. I think even the sixth book was not enough preparation for how dark this book is... and i'd like to say that JK didn't disappoint all. The transitions in every chapter were just perfect. And eventhough many have guessed right about a lot of things, JK proved again how masterfully she can weave these ideas into a magical tale.

Basta, that was my biggest fear... that the final book will be anti-climactic (well, the Epilogue was, sort of). But it soooo was not. It was engaging and gripping and heartbreaking.

In fact, the 5th book (Order of the Phoenix) is the only imperfect book in the series... I guess because JK was not able to take her time in really writing that one so there's just something not-so-smooth about its telling.

I can't wait for the movie too... wondering how the war will be translated into film.

And it is kinda sad that this saga has ended. But i'm glad that it happened in my time... and that I enjoyed the journey.


I'd be re-reading the series starting on Book 1 so i'd be finished before my son, who will be named after a character from the series, is born.


The reason my fascination over Harry Potter had to take a backseat was because we celebrated Pyro's birthday.

another trying July

1:53 PM Friday, July 20, 2007

I miss those years when all i'd rant about is going broke because of all the birthdays we need to celebrate at home.

Things have changed a lot, and none of them good.

Mom is in the US. I think this is her third birthday away from us, her kids.

My cousin's birthday was yesterday. But ever since April this year, we haven't really been in the best of terms. And I just got upset with her yesterday because she didn't tell me she'd be going someplace, and I felt like a fool trying to get home asap to enjoy dinner with her. Add to that the fact that she also left me all alone the other day without informing me, eh I was still recovering from my recent hospitalization. And because I just got discharged last Monday, i'm both broke and exhausted to make plans to celebrate.

And I am still pregnant, after all.

Worse, yesterday was also my uncle's first death anniversary. He's the first sibling lost in my father's family of 11, and the other 10 are all in the US. The last sibling to join them there left just last weekend. It's weird not having an 'elder' to turn to, eventhough we (my siblings, cousins and I that are left here) are all actually adults now (most with our own families, even).

And because I and hubs used up a lot of absences again when I was hospitalized, we couldn't join my cousins in Lipa to honor my uncle's memory... and help out in the padasal.

And then, of course, there are the crying jags over Pyro's birthday... tomorrow. Pregnancy hormones don't help me get my grief in check... i'm just a weepy mess again, and everything was aggravated by my confinement. Morbid thoughts haunt me. Sadness overwhelms even my siblings.

Py's Mom is turning 30 on the 29th too... but like when my brother had his birthday last June, I doubt she won't feel the void left by the loss of their son... their only child.

It was also just this month that we confirmed that we're having a boy... and where my hubs' family is thrilled to the core about another child carrying the family name... my family is very much conflicted.

And the saga that is Harry Potter is also ending tomorrow, with the release of the seventh book (which i'll get to read at night pa because we'd honor Py's memory muna... tsk, that boy knew Harry Potter!)

Ok, ok... am making everything sad. Tsk.

True, it's not like I don't have a family still. Our clan remains a big one. My other nieces and nephews are thriving and noisy... the youngest of which was born last June 29 (day before her Dad's birthday). Baby Alyssa Denise had some medical problems in her first two weeks in this world but she's recovered and in the pink of health now. It took her parents some seven years to come up with her (thus, the jealousy her Kuya is feeling towards her arrival, hehe).

Sigh. Soon, our very own Yakee will join her in being the youngest of the next generation...

And maybe, next year, the month of July won't be such a sad, trying one.

lest people think...

10:37 AM Thursday, July 12, 2007

... that I don't have a camera anymore (because I still do)

... that I don't know how to use a camera anymore (a little true, lolz, because I can't take decent pictures, kahit group shots)

... that am no longer a cam-whore (because I still am, but my recent pics usually show me with a bungisngis smile)

... that am no longer sexy (well, I don't always feel attractive... and I really don't feel I wield that sexual power I once always had... but I know am sexy! Hubs tells me so! Nyahaha)

Me at six and a half months


I have to take decent pics of me wearing all the maternity clothes i've been buying though... I orginally didn't want to be dressed up like an overgrown girl (you know, with all those laces and bows) but I also can't imagine wearing tights to look chic. I also opted to buy oversized polo blouses instead, so I can still use them when am already breastfeeding... but overall, my wardrobe is one mismatched collection of whatever catches my fancy.

Love the dress am wearing today though... and I think it enhances my aura because guys have been checking out the preggy me all morning.

I have to believe I also sometimes exhibit that wonderful pregnancy glow, demmet! :D


And seriously, I find myself just laughing at how awkward my body has become... I have to half-slide, half-roll just to get off the bed. Now, I really walk like a duck. So taking nudie pics of myself was a half-insane, half-freaky experience, having to 'pose' after setting the timer, and not really knowing what to do with my thousand bulges :D

Hubs was giving his family a crash course on computer use (because they just bought a new one, and will be getting a dsl connection soon) when we realized that his 11-year old brother didn't know how to use his thumb drive properly. The thumb drive became the school's requirement to replace floppy disks and where their assignments were going to be saved. BIL swears that they weren't taught to use it properly, I guess their teachers just assumed that they all knew how to use it (same way that they assumed that every kid in their school has a ready internet connection for research work). That was stupid. But the fact that the thumb drive contained no files (yet) but alerted the PC's virus scanner meant that the terminals in their school was a breeding ground for viruses.

Of course, with so many students using these terminals... what can one expect? But surely, for the thousands of pesos you pay such schools, it's actually logical for you to assume that their terminals are protected enough and attended to by really competent staff.

Maybe I'm just nitpicking.

But such is the sad state of the education system here in the country. The really good teachers are all working abroad, where they get properly compensated for the work they do. Tuition fees continue to skyrocket. Parents work longer hours just to put their kids in schools of good reputation, wanting to assure that they'd get into the better colleges, and later on, hopefully guaranteeing employment. Schools offer a more and more complex curriculum and parents are being led to believe that everything a child needs to succeed in life will be taught there. Meanwhile, they will also pay for tutors and summer school...

But it's been the consistent observation these past few years that we're churning out kids who haven't really mastered anything. Even their English profficiency is objectionable. And am not even talking of kids educated in public schools just yet.

And then there are the non-traditional schools cropping up, promising alternative ways of educating your child. Not only do they promise a smaller teacher-student ratio, they also make Calculus fun. But the price you'd have to pay will definitely cost you. If La Salle Zobel charges around P70k per year during the elementary grades, a year of prep in Eton would cost P120k. That's not yet counting the child's allowance and baon, the fees for tutors and field trips and uniforms and other expenses for the entire school year.

And just how involved do these schools get in terms of your child's welfare? I've had friends working as school counselors in the more prestigious ones over in QC who quit their jobs because they couldn't stand the priests and nuns running those schools who turn a blind eye on the abuse happening in their students' homes. I guess, if you're the violent parent, you really wouldn't appreciate the school telling you off... but what if it was your other child or your family driver abusing your child? Wouldn't you want to know?

Oh, and don't get me started on how a lot of parents are on a race: whose child is more genius?

Do kids even have entire afternoons where they can just stare at skies and talk make-believe?

I don't doubt that kids may be smarter today... but are their lives better? Are they happier? Are they healthier? Do they have more meaningful relationships?

We always say we want to give the best for our kids... and I know there can't be ONE THING that is best for everyone. But still, I think 'best' should be qualified further.

I'd love to have really smart kids... but I hope, not at the expense of their childhood and humanity. And not at the expense of my sanity, wehehehe.


Meanwhile, the results are in for the New Seven Wonders of the World. I didn't like it one bit that the Great Pyramids of Giza went off the list.

the SAHM dream...

12:06 AM Saturday, July 07, 2007

SAHM = Stay At Home Mom

Ever since I was a child, I knew I wanted to be a SAHM... not because I dreamed of doing household chores, but because I wanted to be the one dressing up my kids for school, and the one they'd be coming home to.

I wanted to be the one to see all their firsts... and not have to hear about it from the yaya, or from my mother/mother-in-law.

I know that a lot of this desire stems from a childhood that longed for parents to be emotionally present... to be my friends, and not just my providers... to actually know me, and not just know of me.

All my boyfriends were informed of this desire... because in these modern times where everyone is expected to pull their own weight, the role of being a SAHM has become unconventional, impractical and greatly diminished.

And oh, the suggestions that my choice was anti-feminist (which is weird, because I always thought feminism was all about respecting a woman's right to choose for herself and for her life)... and these coming from educated people ha.

But anyway, that was the dream. And one could say that I made sure I get to realize that dream. I married a man established in his career. I also married a man who was raised by a SAHM. I also married a man with the same sense of family that I have. But over these things, I married a man who loves and respects me.

I tend to over-talk the topic... wanting to realize my dream but also wanting it to be a joint decision we both believe is best in the long run. Always, his concern is that my self-esteem might suffer. Always, I tell him that we'd both have our moments... sad, bad moments... but who doesn't anyway?

Of course, we decided to give our parents the heads up... so that there won't be heads rolling and tongues lashing, after all, what was I cum laude for if all I intended was to stay home? (lolz... I actually studied fairly well because I didn't want my kids to be saying that their mother was too stupid to do anything but stay home)

I'm a little concerned about my in-laws... but I know them enough by now to know that they'd be more my husband's problem, if ever.

But alas, my Mom is going into fits of desperation over this decision... she keeps saying she's not trying to make my decisions for me, but she's also almost 100% sure that I'd end up poverty-stricken (with matching melodramatics such as: "at least, by the time your kids go to school and your husband's company closes down and he ends up jobless and you become poor, i'd probably be dead already and won't see you suffer")


I gently remind her that even two-income families go bankrupt sometimes... and that her brother has managed to provide for his family well even if he was the only one earning. I also assure her that this was a decision my husband and I have really talked about and are not going into lightly. We are aware of its rewards and sacrifices. And we do have a Plan B and C. I also assure her that I won't turn to them for help unless it's really, really necessary (say, if fate decides to be cruel and runs us down to the ground with a sick child too... like what happened with Py).

And then I also tell her that as much as I appreciate her concern, I am also confused why she couldn't trust me a little more. The last scrape she ever had to pull me out of was getting suspended in Grade 5 (and not really because of anything serious). I mean, I made a lot of really good life decisions, couldn't she cut me some slack?

Howell. I think the SAHM decision just made sure that she won't be coming home from the US for my delivery... and fussing over me and her godson after that.

It breaks my heart to know how much this upsets her... and how there won't be any pleasing her. After all, though the dream was motivated by my childhood, this is not an act of rebellion against them... I've made this decision out of nothing but love for the family I want to build, and I know it's a decision I can live with.

I would also have to deal with my father pala... tsk.