aww shucks

9:35 AM Thursday, March 30, 2006

Guess what Einstein has to say!!?!!

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Mwehehehe... cute no? Thanks to Toni for directing me to this site :)

Anyway, I actually love Einstein. And respected him all the more for not dying a virgin like Isaac Newton (don't ask me why, I just do). I don't understand sh!t about the theory of relativity but I dig his genius. And he, unlike other scientists, actually believed in a greater power, that there is a God. And he seemed to have lived an exemplary moral, inspiring life.

But no, am not naming any of my kids Albert or Einstein :)


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I can't wait for the book series to end... but I really know i'd cry an awful lot when that day finally comes.


Heaven help me, am booking for another trip again.

bagong pinoy

3:35 PM Monday, March 27, 2006

Mr. Robert Arevalo turns 64 today. He can actually retire, and just join his family (wife, kids and grandkids) in Australia... and maybe even while away his days travelling. After all, he can afford it. Secondly, he's earned it after years and years of hard work providing for his family.

But what he does is invest on land. He's invested on mahogany trees and mangroves. He's also invested on mango trees and farming. In a way, you can say, he has returned to earth... but not to die just yet.

I had the privilege of enjoying what he's achieved so far in his investments. And I may seem biased because he is, after all, my husband's uncle, but dare I say am proud that he's doing well in a trade that our country/government seems to have turned their back on?

And now, in case you know someone who would be interested to try their hand on goat farming, let them take a peak of what R-J Goat Farm has to offer. They also have farms in Masbate, Lipa and Nueva Vizcaya.

The love of earth rubbed off on my brother-in-law, he's now attending to his own free-range chickens and some hogs at Aritao. With people like them, there just may be hope for agriculture in the Philippines.


One night last week, Iya's car conked out somewhere in Manila at around 10:30 PM. A couple appraoched the lady and helped her. Below is a part of her e-mail:

"few nights back, I was coming home from a Rotary meeting around 10:30pm and my
car battery conked out. Good thing I was parked in front of Pugon Bakery which was open 24 hours. Not knowing what to do, I simply informed the tanods outside Pugon that my car wouldn't start (and it's probably the battery) and I just stayed inside as I phoned for help. After maybe 5 minutes, this lady approached my car and asked me "You need help?". I told her my situation and she said she and her husband can "series" their car battery with mine. Her husband pulled up in this awkwardly narrow space beside my car and took care of everything. He started my car while his wife kept their engine running. When my battery still wasn't charging he told me he could try removing his battery from their car and put it in mine. He went through the hassle of it all until my car started. I thanked them. They didn't ask for anything in return and told me that they're glad to help. They even texted me to advise me on what to do next.

I will never forget how they PROACTIVELY offered help.
I will never forget how they DID EVERYTHING they could to help me--from moving their car near mine, to starting my engine, to searching for my tools to remove the batteries, to shedding sweat to unscrew my tightly fastened battery, to actually making my car run.
I will never forget how they DID NOT ASK FOR ANYTHING IN RETURN
I will never forget how THEY EVEN FOLLOWED UP ON WHAT I HAVE TO DO next.
I will never forget their NAMES- Bing and Enrico Gaw.

I told them I will write about this experience and pass it on to you and to the
young people I mold so that they will have real stories of real people we can
look up to...and that THEY TOO WILL NOT FORGET."

The helpful couple runs Mosaic Moments, entrepreneurs who could, just as easily, have been too busy to bother themselves to help someone. And yet they did. And they went all out.


Where some Pinoys make you ashamed of being one of them... some Pinoys bring your faith back to what is good and true and dear about being Filipino. :)

random thoughts

9:35 AM Friday, March 24, 2006

I had an allergy scare last Wednesday night. I think it was the LISWIK I ate. And either they're not so fresh (but they were still alive when they were 'poured' into the pan), or they came from a not-so-clean place... or because my period is due this weekend and my immune system is a little down...

I started coughing again, my tummy started aching... and I started getting itchy all over... with my eyes burning and all.

But the rashes won't burst forth, so to speak... and my eyes, though getting really irritated, didn't swell... I took an antihistamine just the same, and after an hour... all the allergic reactions went away.

Thank heavens it wasn't that bad an allergy... hubby was already offering to bring me to the hospital because he knew I was getting scared.

However, antihistamines has this way of drying up membranes (ahehe... too lazy to search for the right terms). And I think the heat is already starting to get to me... so I had to conted with a stuffy nose all night... which is now runny. Haaayyy...

I can't get sick... we're going to San Juan this Sunday! I'd be around kids and lots of food... how can I enjoy them if am sneezing and sniffling because of rhinitis again?



When I was in CDO, I had to catch myself several times from texting someone about silly things I was doing, and little things that were delighting me.

It sucks, how we're not friends anymore. :(

But I have to invoke my 2nd favorite line from LOVE ACTUALLY and just say, "ENOUGH".


I'm craving Thai corn. I was too greedy to eat them right away so I didn't bother taking their picture. They're like big Japanese corn and as yellow too, but they have this sprinkling of light-green colored kernels. And they're around 5 times sweeter than Japanese corn! Hubby only bought 4 cooked ones which we had to re-boil here (because I only eat corn when they're hot) but they were still so really sweet! Even my niece and nephew loved them.

Now am considering going to Divi early tom to buy soem Jap corn and satisfy my hunger.

Tsk. Am so takaw.

Am back to being 128 lbs. I'm feeling it in my jeans and undies again. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.


POVERTY AS AN ISSUE can take you to heartaches and triumphs you've long since forgotten, or have yet to revisit... or yet to acknowledge and entertain.

I'm just so proud of the Berks and how we've all exerted extras for this topic.


I know am not preggy... but certain food i've already been eating turn me off these days... like greens... like mussels...

I'm way to young for menopause! Mwehehe...


I've uploaded a lot of new attempts here.

Meanwhile... happy weekend. (sorry, am too sick to think)

cagayan de oro - half-baked trip

4:00 PM Saturday, March 18, 2006

half-baked because, it seems, considering all the reserach i've already done, it still wasn't enough... and i didn't enjoy CDO to the fullest.

But twas a fun, fun time I had just the same!!!

Read on for stories and tips.

Yes, you do pay less when you avail of such promos if you really want to fly PAL and check-in at NICE hotels. Regular fares to CDO is around P8k/ea (roundtrip), less 20% if you're a government employee (Air Philippines also offers the same discount, and you can get Mabuhay miles rewards if you fly with them too). But, Cebu Pacific and Air Philippines both offer cheaper rates (not considering Cebu pacific's latest P10+ offering). The couple we met in CDO flew Cebu Pacific for P10k for both of them, round trip.

Google accommodations at CDO, and Pryce Plaza Hotel is always top on the list. Located at Carmen Hill, it's supposedly the grandest CDO has to offer. The architecture was grand enough, but the hotel in itself left me wanting. It's lobby was so-so. It's food was so-so. Their hot chocolate required a lot of milk and sugar to taste good (it's native cocoa, i think, but tasted weird). They didn't provide the usual toothpaste, lotion and cotton buds along with the soap (Lux mini-bar) and the shampoo (Sunsilk).

But their staff were nice and friendly enough.

Since our accommodations were part of the PALakbayan package, we couldn't choose rooms. And I forgot to ask for a queen-sized or a double bed and we couldn't move the twins we were provided so hubby and I squeezed together in one bed for two nights.

Breakfast was also included in the package, as well as airport transfers. Now, I called Pryce days before to confirm our bookings and the inclusions (because I didn't want surprises) and were assured of them. Saturday, very early morning, we got our breakfast coupons. We handed these to the head waiter at Cafe Cagayan. Both front desk clerk and head waiter didn't say anything about limitations of our entitlement. So imagine the embarrassment I felt when, we already had heaps of food on our plate from the buffet table, we were told that we're basically just entitled to BREAD! (That's what continental breakfast for them means, and we were intending to enjoy the continental buffet)

Hay naku, I was hopping mad! JRA asked how much additional we'd have to pay to enjoy the food we've already taken, and it was another P150 ea. We ate our breakfast anyway, paid them P300... and I complained to the front desk.

I told them how rude it was to be told of that specification only then, when they had at least 3 occassions (heck, if you count in check-in time, that will be 4 times I could have been briefed!) to make us aware that our breakfast inclusion doesn't cover the buffet. It wasn't that we couldn't afford it (because obviously, we could, if we can avail of a P19,000+ package), it just would have been proper to brief guests beforehand... and not confront them at the buffet area. And no, I didn't care that the head waiter might have overlooked it, because like what I said, they had at least 3 occassions to explain things to me. Add to that the fact that we could have gone to the city proper for P99 breakfast-all-you-can offerings.

They apologized naman. And I wasn't a shouting wreck naman. And the next day, we enjoyed a Filipino breakfast hassle-free.

Other downsides of staying at the Pryce Plaza... is that it's not exactly in the city. Taxi fares cost us P60-150 (depending on traffic). Worse, when taxi drivers pick you up at Pryce, they automatically think you're rich (and we had the unfortunate experience of paying a driver P350 to get us to Malasag, but more on that later). Saturday, we were a little wizened already and walked to the road to wait for jeeps instead of getting fetched by a cab. To CDO Cathedral, it cost us P7 ea.

But Pryce is 10 minutes away from the airport. And yes, it's quiet there. And they do offer several cafes, restaurants (seafood grill, japanese). And again, the staff were fairly nice, friendly, accommodating. There were a lot of lost in translation moments though... what with some of the attendants speaking in thick Bisayan accents. The premises were also very clean. And you can have valuables stored in their safety deposit boxes at the front desk for free.

One reason why traffic was heavy when we were in CDo was because PBB was there to do mall tours and shows. They were staying in the same hotel too. So when JRA and I returned from dinner, fans were camped at the hotel lobby, waiting for their arrival. We figured to wait for the PBB too, and maybe get a picture of Uma, who Py weirdly likes.

Unfortunately, Uma didn't act friendly. And since I wasn't exactly a fawning fan, I didn't press the issue of a picture with him. JB strutted in his usual self-important way, made more ridiculous by the fact that people didn't notice him. After all, there was Sam who everybody, even the little girls all-giddy in the lobby, adores He looked real exhausted so yes, I didn't try taking his picture too. And these guys are all my height. Hanubez.

The girls all escaped to their rooms before any fan could get to them (my gawd, Cass was more morena than I am. And if she's not wearing sexy clothes, you really wouldn't notice her). Franzen, jayson, Rico and Bob were the friendliest ones, even doing interviews and mingling with theri fans and alalays. Rico and Bob were staying in the room across ours, and they managed to lock themselves out. Jayson's face is sooo kinis and poreless ha, and he smelled nice. But other than that, the most effect these celebrities did was cause traffic jams that cost hubby and I more cab money.

One thing we thought we could do last Friday afternoon (after arriving at 2:00 PM) was visit Malasag Gardens. Since it was our first time in CDO and didn't really know how to get to anywhere, we got Pryce to get us a cab.

The driver, upon being informed that we want to go to this place, told us that they don't use taxi meter there and quoted us a price of P350 to go up the mountain where the gardens was located. We thought it was a rough, unfriendly terrain going up, so we agreed to the price. Who knew CDO roads are perfectly built? And though the drive to the gardens was uphill and winding, it wasn't exactly comparable to, say, going to Makiling's nursery. It was literally a walk in the park, the drive going there. Haayyy...

Anyway, Malasag Gardens is a project of DENR. It features plants, a deer sanctuary(where deers are free to roam, and are separated from you by a fence), some birds, ethnic houses and accommodations. Other information one might need:

ENTRANCE FEES (it's open till 10:00 PM:
Day - Adult - P30, Children - P20
Night - Adult - P50, Children - P30

ACCOMMODATIONS (air-con cottages)
lantaw - P1,500/night for 2 pax w/ brakfast
de luxe - P900/person w/ breakfast
standard - P750/night for 2 pax with breakfast

daytime - P1,000
nighttime - P2,500
Overnight camping - P80/pax
Fixing fee - P100/tent

Swimming Pool - adult - P50, children P40
Hanging Bridge - P10/pax

A not so updated lit can be found here complete with an un-updated map but helpful info just the same.

Anyway, JRA and I had great fun at the hanging bridge! We sweated like pigs eventhough it's just a miniature hanging bridge, and only some 6 feet above the ground (incomparable to the one you deal with when you join a canopy walk tour. There's something about unstable ground that really challenges a person.

The accommodations looked charming, and there are cultural poresentations going on at certain times around the area. You're free to enter the ethnic cottages so long as you remove your shoes.

We also saw a baby eagle there. Unfortunately, I got great pictures of the cage rather than the bird.

The resto there, with a view of Macajalar Bay serves great pansit bihon. But the best treat the gardens offered me was the ride back to civilization.

Since we were steeped going there, we didn't want anymore for Malasag to call a taxi for us (P250, just to call them), one that might require a similar fare like the one before. We asked for other options and we were told to just walk to the barangay road and then ride habal-habal. The walk was kinda long (some 20 mins?) but it was not without its rustic charm, what with the scenery and non-polluted air.

And then we got the surprise of our lives. Motorcycle drivers carrying some 2=4 passengers with them, going up and down the mountain. They're not tricycles ok? Just motorcycles! And without helmets and padded jackets and elbow guards on!

For P20 (P10 ea), it was one of the rides of my life!!! Up there with the topdeck ride in Sagada! Imagine going through winding roads down a mountain at breakneck speed at the back of a motorcycle! It was like riding a roller coaster and just floating on air! I was scared out of my wits but loved the wind on my face and the blur of everything we pass by. talk about exhilirating. I wasn't kidding when I said I wanted to just go up and down that mountain! I mean, esply if consider the P350 we paid the cab driver, I could have done that all day! :D

We went back to town riding a jeepney that cost us P7. So, for those who are going to Malasag, I suggest you just take a jeep going to CUGMAN, tell the driver to drop you off at Malasag, where habal-habal drivers are waiting to take you up at the gardens.

Honestly, I hate going to far-flung provinces (point of reference, Manila) only to see myself in a mall. I hated being at Iloilo only to be fed at Robinson's, then the following day find myself at Robinson's again, this time in Bacolod. Even Cebu disappointed me with its many towering malls. Bless Davao for its vast spaces, I didn't mind their malls much. besides, we went to Samal that time.

So imagine my chagrin when the first thing that I saw after the aiport is a mall!

But since the Gardens trip took only some 2-3 hours, we had a lot of time on our hands and decided to tire ourselves outwatching a movie or looking at shops. The jeep we rode from Cugman brought us to Limketkai... and Gaisano Mall.

Dang it, we got robbed willingly by the sports shop selling rubber shoes at half-price. My hubby got a new Adidas pair... while I got this lovely Salomon pair (for those not in the know, Salomon is like Merrel, maker of mountaineering shoes and cross trainers, both are also dang expensive!)

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Although it meant less money for pasalubongs for our friends, we're happy with our buys. The shoes were real comfy and japorms and we were like crazy kids happy to strut around CDO wearing new shoes.

And heaven help me, am not a shoes girl. And i'd drop dead first before spending so much on a pair (my wedding shoes cost me P1k lang!), except when we're talking mountaineering talaga.


I'm blaming Good Housekeeping and my failure to realize it early on. The reason why this cafe kept being reviewed and advertised and recommended isn't really because how great the food there is (although it wasn't bad naman), but because they offer continental fare that paying foreigners with gazillions of money will appreciate over the local fare (which is lechon manok, barbecued pork and puso).

Still, hubby enjoyed the steak but rates it as so-so. We enjoyed the curry chicken soup with fresh mint leaves.

And who knew you could eat Dory? (that regal tang fish in the Finding Nemo movie)

Anyway... if you're planning to feast at Bigby's anytime soon, here are some food prices so you can prepare (and no, I don't think they're super expensive naman, just not cheap)

Bermuda Salad P155
Racka Bye Baby P255
Roast Beef Down Under P159
Titanic Treat P525 (free if you can finish it with one other friend in 5 minutes)
Milkshakes P65 average (they have a mudslide shake offering)

After this, we shopped for some fresh milk and Coffee Crumble Ice cream to take back to the hotel.

FYI, one of the conditions I posed before allowing myself to get pregnant with my hubby include white water rafting. That's why we chose CDO in the first place, he wanted to get the farthest thing out of the way agad. But yes, we're also giving ourselves a year to just enjoy each other.

Anyway, I had a blast. Cagayan River was clean, fresh, cold... it's view offerings were breathtaking. The children playing at its banks were all dark from the sun. Children also dared us to back out of jumping from the bridge.

Anyway, I decided to recount my white water rafting memories here instead since it belongs to the outdoors I love and miss.

My a$$ and thighs still hurt from hitting the water first both times I jumped into it. Plus, i'm in that menstrual cycle phase where am easily sore and bruised. Kept having falling dreams since Saturday (usually, I have them after a climb). Must be because I dealt with heights again.

We just had to sleep and rest after being tossed and turned by a river all morning. After that, we visisted CDO cathedral, offered lighted candles and prayers... and went to buy Vjandep Pastel (filled buns) at Tiano St. I'm just not sure if they're the same as Beard Papa's offerings though. Also bought two malongs at P150 ea (Mercado St. at the palengke, Moslem area).

Oh, and I recently discovered (a little late, perhaps?) thatthere are already disposable waterproof cams! Only, they cost P300+ for 27 shots. Developing at kameraworld is P7/pic plus P65 developing fee. If you're having the film converted to digital files, that's additional P150... so it's like P700+ expense.

One probably wrong assumption I have is that seafood is automatically abundant in provinces, esply port areas like CDO. But hubby and I were absolutely weirded out by the fact that for a 5-minute jeepney ride, you can count up to 15 lechon manok stores! There's just lechon manok everywhere! And the stores stand side by side and across each other!

And they're also big on pork barbecue and steaks.

And all I wanted was seafood!

P150 brought us to Opol, which is the same route you take going to Iligan and Maria Christina Falls. We dined at PANAGATAN. We had sashimi (malasugue, P130), fresh buko juice, seafood tinola, inihaw na kitong (in Bicol, they call this fish KETONG, it's like this polka-dotted fish that's real meaty and tasty, and can be steamed or fried, it's great lang talaga!), and baked imbao (clams? small ones). Yes, I alone ate the sashimi.

The resto is like one of those you see at Roxas Blvd (think Pantalan and Blue Bay) where most of the resto is supported by stilts over water. We were lulled by entertainers who were pretty good as they sang MYMP songs and other classics.

And yes, I alone consumed this:

Cooked guinataan-style

And mind you, i've eaten a lot of crabs but this gigantic one is one of the best...with meat in every crab shell... and real juicy!!! Even the shrimps at this place were real crunchy and sweet! Haayyy...

Pastels could be bought from Tiano St., their main factory. You can buy them at groceries inside malls but all they sell are yema-flavored (nothing wrong w/ them actually, not everyone would eat ube-filled, durian-filled buns anyway). A box of yema-flavored buns costs P99 (one dozen buns) at the Tiano store, assorted box costs P124.

CDO is also known for their ham. You can buy some at OsmeƱa St. (palengke area, near the sabungan) but don't bother since you can buy Oro Ham near the airport at almost the same price.

Pineapples from Bukindnon also abound. Roasted peanuts from Iligan is also a favorite treat.

View all the pics HERE.


why half-baked?
Because I didn't know Iligan's falls were just two hours away. And that we could have gone here more cheaply. And there were too many sights to see. And looking back, we weren't able to maximize our visit because we didn't get to do a lot of other things... like spend a night in Camiguin!

But I really hope to return there in the next 3 years, with my sister. I want her jumping off bridges too. I love my hubby and it's been fun spending time with him for a weekend... but there are just some places I really want my sister to see too.

I have yet to bring her to Bora though... esply since I wasn't able to fulfill my promise to be with her on her first plane ride (kasi syempre, their immigrant whatever got approved nga, and she flew with my parents instead).


There you go, that was how my weekend went. How did yours go?

a year shy...

9:00 AM Thursday, March 16, 2006

of THIRTY YEARS... that's how long my parents have been already married.

yes, today is their 29th anniversary. And yes, I wasn't a premature baby so there's no need for Math. I don't know when my parents started sleeping together, considering that my father was mostly away during their courtship (with my Dad's brothers meeting my Mom first when they were already engaged to be married... in fact, my father's relatives conducted the pamamanhikan without my Dad).

Mom was turning 29 then. Dad just turned 31.

They had the typical barrio wedding where the entire barrio is automatically invited in Lipa. Unfortunately for us, the photog they hired wasn't so professional (forgetting the film?) so we don't have any pictures to show for that day.

Mom and Dad were penpals. Dad 'advertised' himself because he was a seman and lonely... and well, really old already to be single, considering twas the 70s. Mom was already considered a spinster too... but my Lolo was too strict, and their family too poor, for Mom to get married early. She had an engineer bf for a while, but again, my Lolo was too strict.

Anyway, they were married. Seven months after their marriage, they had me. Twenty-nine years after they were married, they now have 3 kids, 2 in-laws, 1 grandchild, at least 4 houses and several lands and other assets... all painstakingly acquired and nurtured and developed through the years.

Uyy, did I just include us among their assets? :)

Twenty-nine years after they got married, their bodies already reflect the years of heavy toil and industry, as well as the hereditary illnesses that hound our families, not to mention accidents. Together, they've dealt with getting hit by a car, getting burned, getting fingers cut off, getting hit by metal rods on the head, reproductive health problems, diabetes, falling off trees and hypertension.

Twenty-nine years after they got married, I also now finally understand them a little... where they're coming from, what their motivations have always been... and can now appreciate all the things about them I never appreciated before.

I loved them before, but not as much as how I love them now.

They loved me... us, before... but have only just come to terms with the fact of who their children have chosen to become.

Happy anniversary!!! Sana may renewal ceremony next year :)


fonts used: Jane Austen, Disney Print, Lainie Day SH


I have other new layouts uploaded at the Hobbies section of my smugmug account.


THIS, however, is only for those who go the extra click. Bwahahaha. I wish I can use that someday for a blog banner.


Tomorrow, I go someplace I've never been before. I'm dang excited!!!

i need...

9:00 AM Tuesday, March 14, 2006

more than courage, more than strength

more than love, and support

more than prayers and other help

more than hugs and kisses

and assurances that there will be better days

for my family

for my nephew

for my brother

i need forgiveness

and to let go and forgive

i need mercy

and to be merciful


6 years ago yesterday, I first met JRA.

6 years ago today, we agreed to go steady for the first time (because it was an on-and-off thing).

60 years ago today, my Dad was born.

Also, 80+ years ago today, his Dad was born.

Today is really a time of celebration for me. And all I really want to say is,

"Thank You, God."

i am a woman...

9:00 AM Friday, March 10, 2006

I am a woman.

I am pro-choice. Just because we're born with the faculties to get pregnant doesn't mean we should. I believe it's an important choice you make for yourself. I also believe it's a choice you have to make consciously, so as not to find yourself with an unwanted, unplanned pregnancy.

But I am also pro-life. I do not have a problem with using pills and condoms. I do not have a problem with all the other safer sex practices. But I have a big problem against abortion. And I say, those who are OK with killing an UNBORN child be the first to cut and slash themselves up.

I am a woman.

I don't like being treated like a commodity, as if my body is all I have to offer and nothing else. But I am all for sensuality and sexual liberation. For surely, I am meant to enjoy the thousand pleasures my body can give me. But yes, it doesn't mean I should sleep with a thousand men to have that happen.

And no, I don't have a problem with virginity so long as it's not imposed on me, and so long as it doesn't become the standard by which my worth will depend on.

I am a woman.

I wish for improvements where mammograms and pap smears are concerned. I wish for breakthroughs in breast and cervical cancer research. And something in me dies whenever I hear that another woman's reproductive health is being compromised.

I am a woman. I love a guy's attention. I love hanging out with friends and dancing nights away. But my life purpose has always been motherhood and therefore, marriage. I don't care what women's liberation and modern times dictate, i'd always believe in the gift of a family. A gift I want enjoyed by my own kids.

I am a woman. I get PMS. I throw tantrums. I am moody. I can be vindictive. I gain weight. I go on food binges when i'm sad. But I also love mountain climbing and being outdoors. I like getting sweaty and physically exhausted. I don't mind dirt.

I am a woman, and true, my hip size can be an issue. But I love every inch of me and celebrate it all the time. I accept the dictates of my genes and struggle for a healthier lifestyle. And yes, I dress up for men. I sometimes even dress up for fellow women. Sometimes, I also just dress up for myself.

And yes, I've shunned clothes for men, and even stripped for women. And just for kicks, I pose nude for myself.

And yes, I've had problems with my Mom that slowly worked themselves out over time, as I grew up.

I am a woman. I fall in love. I fall out of love. I change my mind. I fall apart. I have secrets. I have dreams.

I am a woman. I roar, I cry out, I scream. I whimper. I moan. I hum lullabies. To some people, my voice brings a sense of love, belongingness, comfort and peace.

I am a woman. A girl, a daughter, a friend. I am now a wife. For some, I am their enemy. For others, I am their past. For JRA, I am his present.

I doubt i'd ever really know whether I was able to touch a life or inspire something great. But I am a woman just the same.

Oh and yes, Pinay... PINAY AKO!


6 years ago today, the man I was destined to marry walked into my life. He's returning from Thailand today too.


Today, Pyro is going back to the hospital for more treatments.


It's women's month. I hope more women will acknowledge their worth, and live the lives they are destined to live.


A tribute to two wonderful women (mwehehe, biased ako, syempre)

Used Terpsichore, harold's Pips, beautiful ES and Bickham Script fonts

breaking up

9:00 AM Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Someone once said that:

Nothing since Adam and Eve
has made Death other than Death

or something like that.

And nobody, even Oprah and Dr. Phil and Iyanla vanzant, not even Maya Angelou nor Judith Viorst, can make a break-up other than a break-up.

Your heart breaks. Your spirit breaks. Your body breaks. Your better judgment fails you. You break... and then you brokenly live on.

Sooner or later, if Heaven has blessed you with enough common sense, you become repaired. But yes, you have scars where the breaks used to be. Maybe that's why scarred people are considered beautiful... they've fought the good fight. They've actually lived.


Most of my break-ups were typical, in the sense that it didn't happen in one day. I believe I can only remember two instances when the break-up conversation really ended everything.

For it seldom does.

And break-up conversations can be long drawn-out battles of rationalizations and irrationalities (is there such a word?)...

You say your goodbyes, but then you see each other again because you decide to stay friends... and he brings you home (as usual) and you both end up kissing (as usual).

You bid your adieus, but you're each other's guest of honor still for each other's birthdays. Worse, she's now your sister's best friend, and he's your nephew's godfather. Even worse, your parents refuse to accept any other suitor.

And what with text messaging now, the routine reminders to eat and sleep and take care... they're hard habits to break.

And all the notes and gifts and flowers he/she gave... all remain in their pedestals in your room.

And then one day it hits you, i've really let him go. I can stop holding onto the pain and memories and possibilities now (and this, even if he's been a jerk or she's been a total b!tch).

And you cease to hold onto candy wrappers and popsicle sticks. And you start reclaiming favorite songs, forgetting that it once featured in a date with him/her. What's more, you start thinking of other people when you hear the same song.

Falling in love is something you're aware of... realizing the giddy feelings, no matter how upsetting or unwelcome, for what they are. Aware of your awareness of his presence... of his absence.

But falling out of love, it's the real thief that steals in the quiet of night. You're never aware that healing is transpiring...

And you laugh when, at the prospect of meeting an ex, you fret and worry over how you'd feel, then realize after seeing him... that his face may be something you'd always hold dear, but he's just a boy from your past now and you need not have worried.

You have moved on.



Somebody send me the mp3 of Come to My Window

conflicted and triumphant

9:00 AM Friday, March 03, 2006

Ever since I can remember wanting to become a mother, I also started envisioning myself as a stay-at-home Mom. I guess that's partly why i've never really been ambitious enough, career-wise, because all I ever wanted to do for the long-term is be a Mom and be a counselor/teacher.

Nurturing, caregiving roles.

And the more crap I get from people who put more premium in earning a living than raising a child hands-on, the more passionate i've become about being a stay-at-home Mom.

Unfortunately, I forgot to be brilliant in any career first, which would have allowed me to save money probably, for all the years I will not be chipping in.

And having been honest about it, I, of course, expect that if the means is there (read: a husband that's earning well), I can have my wish.

And now that i've married, this has become an issue. It's not that hubby isn't willing to support me. It's just that we have yet to tackle our definition of what will be a comfortable life for us, if he alone will be earning.

And it's driven me to tears for many a night the past weeks, feeling guilty of possibly burdening my hubby with the role of sole provider (because it's just not VOGUE anymore for a woman to stay home, what more, a woman like me who graduated cum laude for crying out loud), and yet knowing that I wouldn't be happy getting pregnant, knowing I won't be watching the child grow from infanthood to childhood.

And wouldn't that be the shtt!est thing to have, an unhappy mother and a bitter wife.

I know I'd have to pull my share of the weight when times are hard (and yes, times are really hard). I also know I grew up living comfortably enough with nary a care as to where i'd get tuition money, or an allowance. My parents provided well for us, and we never wanted for our basic needs. I also know i'm so spoiled I have slightly expensive cravings (right now, i've been on an ice cream and kettle corn binge).

I have yet to dialogue with my hubby and map out our 5-year plan. We know we want babies. We know we're not exactly young anymore to have them later than neccessary. We have yet to draw the lines where we'd compromise.

But right now, I just really feel VERY POOR when I consider possibilities I don't like.

On a lighter note, i've decided to take digiscrapping on. Unfortunately, i'm just learning the basics of Photoshop. And the laptop am using at home, being an old model, couldn't really support Photoshop 8. So now, Photoshop version 5 is the one installed there... and it's not so easy to digiscrap using it (I can't even move texts and what-nots, nor use PNG files anymore, hay).

Still, it feels great to be doing something i've never thought i'd ever do: Photoshop. :D

I have already around 1 gig of downloaded freebies from such sites as Digital Design Essentials and Digital Freebies.

But my fave, fave site is Digital Scrapbook Place where i've gotten, not only elements and ploppers and kits and fonts, i've also gotten a lot of literature to help me along. Yes, i've been printing a lot of their tutorials (which I can't really use right now, considering the Photoshop version at home). I'm also enjoying viewing the layouts in their forum's challenges.

Other forums I like include Rakscraps and Digital Scrapbook Pages.

Tons of freebies could also be gotten from Shabby Princess.

And now, am up to my neck downloading more font styles from the following sites:
Get Free Fonts
Webpage Publicity
Harold's Fonts
Fonts for Kids


Sample achievements so far include the ff:

My first attempt! Who knew I'd ever paste picture on picture? Hehe

This time, the latest version of Photoshop was still working, which was why I was able to use PNG butterflies (Girl Thing by LSmith) and alphas (Metallic Alpha). Used Lainie Day SH, Beautiful ES and Regency font styles too. Tribute to my Kikay sis!

See, I couldn't use PNG files anymore :( And I can't create effects yet to save my life. Used Lainie Day, regency and Jacoba fonts.


I don't think i'd ever be as good as my blogfriends Aggie and Tin (who are geniuses) but I don't mind. I've known ever since I'm not as creative as most peaople :) Besides, am more after embellished pictures I can have printed.

Oh and yes, I intend to take photography lessons this summer to augment my photographic skills and maximize the use of my digicam. Maybe, my picture blog will thrive then.


THEME SONG daw sakin to nung isa kong blog friend kasi naaalala nya ako when he hears this song. Siguro kasi, I'm a little bit of crazy, I'm a little bit of a fool, I'm a little bit of lonely, I'm a little bit of all...