MEComposing

I was never religious.

In fact, a huge part of me hated going to church as a child, mostly because my Mom insisted on going in the mornings and I have never been a morning person.

And then I didn't like the rituals of the Catholic Mass.

Weirdly enough though, I actually liked Mass when I am in school... partly because it was a chance to see boys and partly because I wasn't sleepy... and it's cool to see friends leading the hymns and reading the passages. I even kept our hymn book... somewhere in the dungeon that is beneath my old bed.

I was never religious... but somehow, I have always believed in a God, that there is a Greater/Higher Force at work in this world. So, even if I wasn't particularly prayerful, I also always called out to him when in pain, distress or despair.

When I got married, there started this niggling feeling that I should be more religious... or for me to find a higher purpose to my existence. I can't quite explain it but I wanted to be part of a church, but was too lazy and set in my ways to actually really commit my Sundays to one.

Plus, the one priest that truly had me looking forward to sermons left St. Vincent Parish/St. Pancratius Chapel to sow seeds of goodness elsewhere... and then I discovered CCF/TMA Homeschool because of homeschooling. Because the homeschooling movement was driven by devout Catholics/Christians,  I got to be familiar with CCF pastors and leaders... leading me particularly to pastor Peter tan-Chi and his daughter Joy Mendoza, who is married to Edric Mendoza.

But CCF wasn't a convenient place for us to go to every Sunday, especially now that they have moved to Tiendesitas. Sorry, but I really don't like the Ortigas area. Hehe.

And then, I got to listen to Bo Sanchez speak at a homeschooling conference and I was mesmerized... I have known him as someone from the Kerygma magazines I used to be subscribed to, and the founder of Catholic Filipino Academy. So, I finally got curious about The Feast... but even if the venue where he speaks is at PICC, somewhere really near where I live, it took me over a year to get my butt over there.

I did it today, on Pyro's birthday... with my husband. And I really felt home. It had the Catholic rituals from my childhood but also had the inspirational talks I love about CCF. And Bo Sanchez is such a dynamic speaker, I could see hubby responding to him too.

Hopefully, this is really the start of a more religious life for our family.

And I guess... even those years of hating being dragged to church were part of what led back to it now. Sorta like the waiting period for the Chinese bamboo tree.

Or truth be told... Aamir Khan fanatic?

Sigh.

I don't even know how or when it started, but I think I first got interested in the now defunct show, Outsourced, amused because it was about the call center industry (which is something Filipinos can relate with) but set in a culture that was alien to me. And I loved the show!

Hubs then accidentally discovered a gem of a movie in 3 Idiots... and that was something we enthusiastically shared with family and friends. We just really loved the movie and it resonated so well with me as I pursued Waldorf habits and parenting.

I thought that was the end of it, just a glimpse into Bollywood... until hubs discovered Ghajini and kept me awake one night telling me about the movie. I wasn't interested and I think I missed him saying that it starred the same actor (Aamir Khan).

And then he found Taare Zameen Par (released as Every Child is Special in some countries). I had the movie file for over half a year before I thought of watching it. And I watched it because friends in an internet group were heavily discussing kids with special needs.

And I cried buckets and buckets over Ishaan there... with my heart heavy, thinking of struggling kids because they were misunderstood and their different needs unmet, I decided to watch 3 Idiots again. To be cheered up.

I watched it 3 consecutive times in as many days. As I watched, I kept Wiki-ing information and finally got curious about Ghajini so I finally asked for the copy... and I fell in love with the love story and Aamir Khan all the more.

Last night, I watched Raja Hindustani just to compare kissing scenes between the two sisters (Kareesma and Kareena) with Aamir. The funny thing was, I had gotten used to not seeing kissing scenes and stuff in the movies I have been watching that I felt scandalized by Raja Hindustani. Nyahahaha. Plus, I felt the sensualization of Kareesma's character there was so blatant... and both actors couldn't kiss, so that loooong passionate exchange in the rain felt dirty, awful and inappropriate. Haha.

I loved the kiss between Pia and Rancho/Phunsukh in 3 Idiots... it was sweet, tasteful and light (and yes, I don't know how that could have required 14 takes).

Now... I am weighing whether I will watch Rang de Basanti (because I'm not into political stuff but 'Raju' is there!) or Talaash (but I don't like Aamir with moustache, haha, but Kareena is there) or Dhobi Ghat (Aamir's wife, Kiran Rao's directorial debut... but there is supposed to be a character that catches rats there.... soooo... haha).

Meanwhile... I have subjected my sons to 5 songs from 3 Idiots and Ghajini all afternoon... and am now soothing my soul with Isaan's theme.

And I have started backtracking gossip on the stars... Aamir being the most famous has the most dirt (I think I can believe that he didn't cheat on his first wife with his 2nd wife, but that he may have cheated... and is now trying to really keep clean). I also hope Darsheel (Isaan) will land roles that are perfect for him again (my gawsh, the expressions of joy and sorrow on his eyes!). I am also impressed that Asin (Kalpana in Ghajini) speaks 7 languages!

I can go on and on and on.

I have been thinking WHY I am this hooked... and I told hubs, I think it's because of the poetry I read in the subtitles' prose and the actors who really know how to act. Comparing their films with most of what we offer, it would be no contest. I love the expressions changing in their eyes... and the sideway bobbing of the head and the limitations (minimal sex, skin and what-have-you's).

And now I am starting to speak with a Hindi accent.

Sigh.

(I just remembered that I had planned on going to India last December for a Breastfeeding Conference... is this a coping mechanism? haha)

Last year, I chose the word HEAL to be my ONE WORD for 2012. And true enough, I embraced Waldorf and other things that allowed me to heal physically and emotionally.

I did get some medical scares too... which propelled me to want to be healthier. I ended with a Buteyko workshop and working on getting it to work for me.

For this year, though, I want to win.

But first, I cannot win if I don't join the game or race. So, the word is a reminder for me to partake and give things a try.

And well, I really should give my best and all in everything I do... to increase my chances of winning. Needless to say, I have to try smarter too, all the time.

And maybe, I should improve on myself so I could do things better and PLAY better :)

Last, but not the least, I want the word to be a reminder for me to let my loved ones (especially) and other people win too. I could share what I know, lift their spirits up, cheer them on, lead them and just be a source of inspiration and light.

WIN for 2013. How apt for the elections this summer :)