MEComposing

January pa lang, i had the bright idea na to accompany my friends who are having a hard time getting preggy to Obando... ever since I was a child kasi, I wanted to witness an Obando fiesta na... tas yun nga, nai-involve ako sa reproductive health problems ng friends ko... so ako na nagyaya... ako na din nag-research (better commute, jeeps/fx terminal could be found at LRT-Monumento bound for Paco, Obando)...etc

Basta, ever since I was a child, the Dancing at Obando has held a mystic sway over me... and i've always wanted to go. I just knew it would be a very humbling and liberating experience... to possibly see crying people, asking for a child, or celebrating for being given a child (because those who get blessed return)...

I looked forward to this so much...and kept it a secret from almost everyone, kasi ayoko ngang 'mabati'... while I made plans with friends.

Eto na... Bukas na yung feast ni Santa Clara... (pero May 17-19 sya talaga kasi they celebrate the feast of three saints, one for a husband, one for a child, and another for a good, prosperous life)... punta kami dapat bukas...nag-leave na lahat pati esposo ko...excited din kami kasi we planned na mag-check in sa motel tonight at Sogo Monumento since we have to be on our way to Obando as early as 4 AM... nakaka-miss pati yung motels!!! :)

Pero siguro sabi ni God, hindi pa naman sure what's wrong with me...or there may be nothing really wrong with me so wag na muna kami makigulo ng asawa ko... malay ko nga ba naman, nabuntis pala ako ni Jojo the other night :) Kaya pinadala Nya ng late yung Budget Call guidelines... kaya hindi ako pwede mag-absent in the coming days... and I have to miss this event with my friends...

O baka hindi pa ako ready for the miracle of Obando...

In a way, timing sa newfound polycystic ovaries ko (last Saturday, a trans-vaginal ultrasound told me I have polycystic ovaries, and yes, am not actually pregnant despite the lack of menses)... pero actually, I was planning to go there and ask intercession for Pyro... to thank the heavens for him and ask for his health... and just be with people who WANT to be parents... sabi ko nga before, iiyak siguro ako kung andun ako kasi i'd feel for their longing (even w/o yet knowing na i just might find myself in their shoes.... )

Isip ko din, the reason I can't go on leave tomorrow is because my boss is on ,maternity leave right now, the one who's really in-charge of the finplan na... so diba, parang may spiritual connection and reason na am missing a fertility dance because my boss is so fertile (5th kid! and she's the coolest!)

Sigh. I'm still sad. I might cry tonight and binge on ice cream. But am happy for my friends. And I am praying so hard that they finally be blessed with kids.

And if it's not too much to ask... may we become biological parents as well.

(ahehe... yes, if we're talking in person, i'd be speaking in Taglish

*~*

Please pray for PYRO because he's scheduled for another surgery. I dare not update his blog because i'm already too tired of crying whenever I think of him and his second surgery.

*~*

And of course, I did not forget...

... casual sex for me.

Tsk.

Or 'Thank heavens!'

See, once upon a long, long time ago... I had a BAD sexual experience. It wasn't that he beat me or abused me or something... it was more like, I didn't feel satisfied because there wasn't enough WORSHIPPING and SURRENDER... not enough passion in the experience, that I was left feeling I had engaged in something totally pointless.

I wasn't even into casual sex really that time... It took a lot of text messages and phone calls before I braved the unknown and agreed to sleep with that man. And I guess, I naively believed that his bark would be as good as his bite... we've discussed things we liked doing and things we liked being done to us, and things we'd like to do to each other... I was just really mentally psyched!

And though I don't remember anymore how we first kissed, and where we ended up, I do remember grinding on top of him and thinking to myself, "Gawsh, this is terrible!" (and ok, I was mightily turned off by his kissing expression, the way his lips would pucker up like that... can't describe it really, but it looked pathetic)

It's like we just went through the motions but...

That was enough to wean me away from all the possibilities of casual sex and ONS. I knew i'm good in bed, but I thought 'good' might be relative... and casual partners might not care enough to appreciate what I can offer... and also give me what i'm due. I was just too scared of another non-rewarding encounter, feeling it would extinguish the sensual force that moves me... first and last did it.

Fast forward to years later... he knew he wasn't able to satisfy me and has already apologized for that. He has dared to proposition me again but I declined. And just this week, after accidentally catching each other online in YM, he admits he got shocked that time that he couldn't perform. He admitted too, that he was fairly new to engaging in such encounters... and got intimidated by me... and just totally went into shock when I delivered on the tale that I have mastered the art of muscle control.

It was my turn to be in shock... was I aggressive? was I wild? was I too noisy? what did I do that can shock someone?! Heck, I thought I was still reserved, despite the nudity!!!

Howell.

And though the conservative part of me (bwahahaha, funny but I do have one) would never have really allowed myself to be as liberated as some of my friends are... I can't help but feel dismayed over the lost opportunities of sleeping with total strangers. It might have been fun, you know.

Tsk. Didn't know there are sexual "what could have been's" too.

*~*

Then again, i've often heard how it can be a hit and miss thing when you engage in casual encounters... friends often end up giving mercy f*cks and just suffering the whomping. Some even end up reading books while having it done to them. Some naman want more, infinitely more, and either deal with a sleeping, snoring stranger (who don't look as HOT now that his mouth is open like that) or get sent home (work, fatigue, gf coming, parents needing him, etc). Isn't that just sad?

So yes, not spreading those legs can save someone from a lot of hassle.... or at least, mediocre lovemaking.

*~*

But really, heaven help the woman who has saved everything... only to end up with a mediocre lover who can't even make her cum.

To make the most of my fairly new digital camera, I have enrolled in a Photography Classes this summer. We started two Suandays ago, and here's what I can say/have learned:

* Dang, good cameras can be so expensive!

* Photography is both an art and a science.

* Dang, understanding the technical/science part can be really challenging.

* Quick Kodigo: the higher the F-stop, the deeper the Depth of Field - the fewer light - the slower the shutter speed

* You don't need the latest technology/expensive cameras to take great pictures. But to take greater pictures, you would need to really invest in higher-end cameras.

* Some people are born with an eye for seeing things. But photography, being a science, can be mastered by anybody... and we all have a sense of creativity within us.

* The really good photographers say this: Photography gives them food for their soul, and food on their table.

* Photography is all about LIGHT.

* Good photographs tell a story and stirs one's emotions. Really great photographs render give a sense of humility to the viewer.

* One has to master his equipment to really take good pictures.

Week 1 was all about learning the basic parts of a camera and understanding the principles behind them. Finally, I know what aperture is (amount of light that reaches the camera's sensor). The lectures can be very dragging, with matching slideshow presentations that require the classroom (one of the dungeon-cubicles at Fort Santiago) to be darkened, rendering everyone sleepy. The last two hours of the 9-5 session is dedicated to taking pictures. Everyone is given a film each (even those with digital cameras or digital SLRs) which FPPF will develop for free to be critiqued the following week.

I was mega dehydrated that time and had to drink at least 9 glasses of water before I stopped feeling like I was dying of thirst. See, I was running around Fort Santiago just taking pics... and the sun was still scorching at 3 pm!

Week 2, we were privileged to have an authority in Tilak Hettige, a Sri Lankan and world-renowned photographer (who just published his photographs of Buddhist Monks in a book called "saffron Robes") to discuss the use of light to us. He used calming music in his presentations which again lulled us to a feeling of sleepiness. Make no mistake, his pictures are good (his pictures of Pinatubo were amazing!), his presentations clear and to the point and inspiring. But it's a Sunday in Summer, people are bound to fall asleep!

A 73-year old lady photographer (i'm sorry, I didn't get her name... but she was featured just last week, I think, in Manila Bulletin's Picture Perfect column) took the helm in the afternoon and discussed composition with us. She started that particular lecture by having each one of us choose a pic from last week's photoshoot. Lined up together on a wall, she made us choose one we liked best and anotehr which we think needs improvement and why. The picture I took, although cutely interesting, was lost in a sea of better pictures with simpler subjects. It was depressing a little, but I got more depressed later on when we were sent out to pasteur take pictures again all over Fort Santiago, this time focusing on composition. See, I know my cam is no Rebel but I also know it's one pretty poerful cam... but I can't manage macro shots and blurred background shots.

And it frustrates me more that the times I manage blurred backgrounds, or really crisp colors in the picture... I don't even know what I did right.

Arrgghh... practice will make perfect. I guess I just have to be making love with my cam at ;east 2 hours everyday.

And now, I have this portrait assignment to do...and I forgot my cam at home! (I intended to do it at work because there are big windows here, while I wouldn't be able to catch daylight at home).

*~*

All those interested to take basic photography classes, you can use your manual SLRs, digital SLRs and digital cams. Just search the site for class schedules.

*~*

Tips in taking good pictures (from the lecture):

a. Keep it simple, sweetheart/stupid (KISS).
b. Tell a Story
c. Observe the Law of Thirds
d. Observe Lines (vertical for rigidity, authority; horizontal for relaxed mood, calm; oblique/diagonal for movement, transition)
e. Frame your subject (use doors, foliage, etc)
f. Accent Composition
g. Blur Bacground
h. Use Small Aperture to achieve Depth of Field
i. Draw Composition
j. Consider Persepctive/.viewpoint (bird's eye view, or worm's view)
k. Bracket your composition
l. Use interesting foreground
m. Do not shot bald skies.
n. Shoot colors, lines, shapes, textures and tones
o. Reduce subject into abstraction
p. Include triangle in your composition.

Other tips can be found here

*~*

Wonder where i'll get around P70k to buy a Canon 30D... hmm...

*~*

For pictures of my attempts, click on the Photography Classes album.

*~*

On a non-related note, 07-07-07 (July 07, 2007) is my Amang Kasal's 25th wedding anniversary, and they've asked me to help them prepare for their wedding (as in halos ako lahat, they're arriving 7 days before the wedding).

Anyway, that's also the day the 7th book of the Harry Potter series will be released, and most probably at 7:00 AM.

Heaven help me, i'd be late in reading the book again! (Last year kasi, it was my friend's wedding naman when the 6th book was released)

... she envisioned.

Remember my colleague who lost her husband last Easter?

She's returned to work, knowing that she needs to occupy her mind with other things aside from her loss, knowing that she has a son to be responsible for... a son who just turned four last weekend.

While having merienda, she turned to me and said, "Mec, remember how we'd talk about weddings?" (they were only civilly wed almost 5 years ago, and haven't bothered to buy wedding rings, and I have been convincing her to have a Church wedding for their 5th anniversary)

I bit my lip and nodded (heck, we even talked about where she can deliver her second child after they've moved to their new home).

She went on, "My siblings arranged for a full Mass before Mike's internment. The church was this old, beautiful one with a long aisle. I waited for Mike's coffin by the Church door... and I marched with him to the altar. I had requested for our theme song to be played when Mike is being brought in, and so I was just walking slowly beside his coffin to our theme song. And all I could think of was the wedding we kept talking about."

*~*

Every moment counts. And we should make each moment count. And Life just doesn't play favorites...

*~*

may mga pusong sinungaling

... when we lie to ourselves. (Anonymous)

Join the berks as we tackle LIES in different perspectives, in its different forms.

*~*

Meanwhile, constructive criticisms are welcome... and votes :) Best and Worst shots from this first attempt at my Photography class.

*~*

Eva Longoria, no matter how HOT they say she is, looks a lot like Fran Drescher (minus the pale skin and big hair)... sounds like her too (have you heard Eva laugh?)

JRA and I are loving the TV series Grey's Anatomy. At first, I couldn't get past Sandra Oh's face (sorry, but it's just so weird for me to watch someone who seemed to be lacking eyelids) but now could see why she won a Golden Globe for her role there. And i've always loved Katherine Heigl's face (from Valentine and 100 Girls) :) Am actually bothered by how Ellen Pompeo looks so much like Renee Zelwegger, and how weird her laugh is.

Anyway, last night's episode saw the interns dealing with patients who had possibilities of erection loss and memory loss (while one was brought into the hospital to die because nothing could be done for her). So I turned to hubby and asked, "Erection or Memory?"

He couldn't answer me.

I can imagine the devastation of memory loss, especially to your loved ones... but cannot quite fathom the implications of lost erection (or in a woman's case, libido?). And maybe because am a woman that I can quickly say that i'd rather have my memories than my sexuality, but indeed, what if I were a man at my prime?

Then of course, hubby had to joke... he can't get an erection if he cannot remember how, or what it's for... :)

*~*

DIGISCRAPPING NOTES

Some friends have taken up the challenge to digiscrap. I guess if you're a beginner like me, and intimidated by Photoshop like me, here are a few pointers that could prove very useful:

1) You only need internet really to download kits, and maybe upload your pictures. And since kits are usually big files, dial-up connections would suck.

2) But when you're obssessed about getting better, learning more, or getting a kit for free, you can also join chat sessions (they usually announce the date and time in their message boards and newsletters).

3) If you're just starting out and not yet an addict, get the most out of FREEBIE offerings. ShabbyPrincess.Com is a great site because it offers these biggie kits complete with alphas (letters in .png format), elements, papers, etc. already. Go through the top Digital Freebie Sites if you have to so you can also check out TUTORIALS and actual LAYOUTS as well as register for the FORUMS.

4) If you don't know sh!t about Photoshop, do what I did... I printed tutorials. Of course, some tutorials prefer certain PS versions. And yes, you can also use Paint Shop Pro or Corel and some sites offer tutorials for them too.

5) When I say you're downloading big files, think HUGE. Usual paper size is more than 1 mb. That's because you want to preserve the quality of every element. Best to use pictures of the same size too (even if you're going to resize them).

6) Have them printed if you want. That was my main motivation to learn it, and i've had several printed and they're all cute. Unfortunately, there are some minor discrepancies between a digital 5x7 to a picture of the same size (5R) but it's ok, you'll learn your lesson soon enough.

7) Consider fancy fonts to embellish your layout. Think Dings but only install those you think you can really use (sooner or later, you'll be confident enough to transform the dings into PNG format and then delete the font from your font folder).

8) Installing so many fonts can be fun, but it will reduce loading time for fonts. In time, you may have to download and install a font manager. Or maybe you can just limit your font options to fonts you know you'd use time and again (I love Lainie Day, beautiful, jane austen and calvin n hobbes), and just install-delete special fonts you;d only use for a time.

9) You'd need a lot of space. Freebie kits and embellishments alone can already take up 1-2 gigs, what more your own layouts. Kits burned in CDs should still be saved in your hard drive, otherwise it will delay your PC's processing time.

10) Don't be scared of making mistakes. The good thing about Photoshop is it has this History column at your right where you can easily return to where you were before you committed the mistake. Do try the different filters. There's no other way to make you feel less intimidated.

11) Have and take lots of pictures. But when modifying your pictures, do not save changes when you're closing the file so you perserve the original (or save modified versions as a different file).

12) Have fun. Be honest with your sentiments (journalling). Feel free to fuss and be mushy. Feel free to be wacky.

One of the really stupidly cruel things I can do to myself: accidentally lose pictures I haven't saved or properly uploaded yet.

Hay. I selected the pics and clicked CUT... then proceeded to create the folder where I was transferring them. Then I forgot to PASTE them and hit DELETE button instead. I was able to save some pics but I lost A LOT. Worse, the deleted pics didn't end up in the recycle bin (could be because I deleted them from the SD card). Howell. Depression.

*~*

I've honestly never been really mali-mali but the weekend saw me making one blunder after another... losing money, wounding myself, forgetting things, etc.

Hay, don't tell me it's a sign of pregnancy! Grrr... Talk about low moments.

*~*

Anyway, hubby and I found ourselves tavelling with his family to San Juan again. His expat cousins with their kids were all there. His sister's in-laws also came with us. It was an afternoon of food, chit chat, drool and noise indeed.

Anyway, as we were at a Goat farm, it's only logical to 'enjoy' the goats with the kids. The goats are pastured all day and then rounded up in the afternoon. The farm's caretaker would round them up, and line them up, and then let them charge back to their pens. This is a treat the kids really delight in as they (we) all gather near the pens' entrance and watch the dirt road suddenly get dusty as the goats charge to THEIR OWN pens. (pictures to be posted tom)

Yes, it's very easy to train them, or so i've noticed. What's even more delightful is they have their own sense of territory. Not only do they know which pen they should return to, but the kids (young goats) who get lost and enter the wrong pen get booted out... or rather, hoofed out. :) Goats push them out. And when a kid feels it can't find the right pen, it will bleat... and an answering bleat from its Mom will guide it to the right pen.

And of course, for us humans, the bleats all sound alike so it's amazing how goats actually communicate :)

*~*

Young goats are called KIDS. Male goats are called RAMS or BILLYS. Female goats are called DOES or NANNYS.

Young sheep are called LAMB. Male sheep are called RAMS. female sheep are called EWE.

For other terminologies, click here.

*~*

One of the RAM sheeps was temperamental. He was picking a fight, and was being rejected by the other sheep (the vet and owner were transferring him from pen to pen, hoping he'd calm down). We've been asked to go to the end of the pen so we won't get hurt (the pen has 6 other mini pens, one pen is around 70 sq. meters big, i think) when unbeknownst to me, one of The Good Sons from our crowd is already meeting the charging, unhappy ram. I thought JRA's uncle would suffer from a heart attack there and then, and went leaping on top of the ram to restrain it. Poor Tito Robert got too scared to really shout or get angry, and I manhandled the resisting boy back to safety.

Actually, goats and sheep are usually gentle creatures. They get nervous when humans make noise. They panic when kids around them panic. They start running when they feel threatened. And it doesn't take much to threaten them.

The boy wouldn't have been hurt the way matadors are hurt by raging bulls. But a ram does have horns. And we're talking of Australian sheeps that are bigger than 5-year olds. They're heavy, they have hooves, and they can just frighten you enough to lead you wounding yourself with the bamboo fences.

Honestly, I believe it's stressful for the goats to have human visitors... esply kids. But like what I said, the kids love them! Even girls who are into Paris Hilton will pet and carry them and try their might to smile for the camera (hay, remember pics I lost here), this despite their fear of the kids, and despite the kids' bleating cries in fear of them.

*~*

Tito Robert was explaining to Tita Baby that male goats MARK their female partners, and the rampaging ram was actually manifesting some superiority complex and reminding the other goats that an ewe was his. Having other male goats interested in his ewe will upset him. Usually, marking a female ewe means rubbing off a male's scent on her (pheromones?)... and this tells the otehr rams that she's now off limits to them.

One of the girls, Sarah (from Oz), told the vet to explain to her what her grandpa was saying. The vet was having a hard time communicating well in English so I did the explaining for her. I actually felt weird describing mating dances with a child but oh well. The vet made a comment (in Filipino/Tagalog) about how the same is true for humans and we both laughed. The girl then said:

"Did she just say something mean about me? Why are you both laughing?"

Surprised that she had this inner paranoid going for her, I still immediately set her right. She then went:

"Oh yes, you really can't be with someone else's wife, otherwise you'd be sent to jail. Unless you're from here (meaning the Philippines), where you can just go to another province."

And she said that matter-of-factly.

*~*

Sarah's Mom was holding JRA's baby niece in her arms. Sarah's older sis was around (because she was trying to get away from wasps) and I asked her if she wants another sibling.

She said:

"I'd love to have a boy in the house. Anotehr sister would be too annoying."

*~*

But these girls are actually very warm and nice. Totally lovable, unlike my own nieces and nephews from Australia (then again, maybe their parents, my cousins, brought them up to feel they're friggin' superior than those who live in the Philippines).

*~*

Again, interested parties can inquire from rca061180 @ yahoo.com (spaces are just so he won't get spammed). Pure-blood (ooohhh, Harry Potter comes to mind) goats/sheep can cost as much as P45,000 per goat. Buyers usually buy two goats (who'd act as studs) because brother/sister goats don't really mate (or can't actually reproduce together) and need another set to mate with. That's basically how you start your own goat farm.

Goats usually give birth to a maximum of two, and the rare occasion where a third kid comes out produces problems for the caretakers (where will the 3rd kid nurse? a goat has only a set of two teats)

Their clients include Chavit Singson and Manny Villar.

*~*

I'm still real sad about losing the pics. But am still delayed so there's something to look forward to.

Besides, I have the warm memories of a loving family spending an afternoon together.