MEComposing

Like what I told her, I get that she wants to enjoy hanging out with her friends. I've been where she is right now and I get the high gimmicks can give you.

But since she's reviewing for the Nursing Board, after a year of graduating and missing two Board Exams already, and not ever really practicing any of what she learned in school during that time, I really expect her to focus.

And since she's seen firsthand how my parents struggle abroad to build a life for her there, and support my brother here, I really expected more consideration for them from her.

*~*

And yes, I will admit that I am terribly annoyed and concerned after learning that her current BF drives a motorcyle. Helmet or not, I think those things shouldn't be allowed in major roads.

Calauit Game Preserve and Wildlife Sanctuary is about three hours of rough roads from Coron (and a 5-30 minute boat ride, depending on where you started and what your boat is like).

Personally, going there isn't worth the long hours on bumpy road, mainly because the sanctuary is not really that maintained anymore. Plus, the locals have been hunting the deer running wild and free for their meat. But of course, something has to be said about seeing all these animals we usually just see in zoos roaming free, with expanses of land to themselves, to go about and graze as they please.

The sanctuary has a long way to go to catch up with other similar ones (like ones in Africa, ustralia dn some parts of Asia), which is too bad really because it is such a huge, rich island where animals are sure to thrive.

Around two weeks or so ago, I arranged babysitting for my son to meet up with old gimmick friends from myg, mtc and gni (all message boards). I was excited about it, eager to see old faces and see who got fat and all...

I was already at Starbucks in Metro Walk at 5:00 PM. Talk about being an eager beaver! But people were late in arriving and after sitting there for some two hours, I was already too bored for words and called it a night.

Mind you, I think i'd always love dancing... and would welcome any chance to go. I miss it. But even if I don't ever get to do it again, I know I really wouldn't mind either.

And the senseless chatter of who banged whom and who hooked up with whome and who hasn't gotten over yet with whom... all tiresome and old. I mean, i've talked that talk for years already before, and here are old faces still talking the same sh!t this day, it's crazy sad. I couldn't help thinking... when will they grow up? When will they stop searching for meaning and actually create it instead?

Twas a total waste of make-up and thong, for sure! Good thing I opted not to flash some cleavage that day too.

Oh, but I still got to bond with some old friends over my fave cream chip drink. They at least moved on and it was actually nice catching up with those two.

*~*

One thing that was also nice that time was being able to catch guys' eyes. Sure, I can't compete with the pretty, young things in their short skirts and dresses anymore... but it sure is nice to validate that, if I only exert some effort, I still manage a presence :)

I cannot explain why this video brought tears to my eyes. Maybe because I know Trig has Down's syndrome and to see him cared for so lovingly by his sister just made me so happy for him, and so touched by her innocent caring.

And I really doubt it's a gimmick of Sarah Palin's camp. Sure, Lindsay Lohan was right to point that Sarah should stick to her politics instead of distracting people with her teenage daughter's pregnancy, but I really doubt anyone thought this gimmick up.

Way to go Piper... may you really grow up with much heart.

Note to possible readers... I have not really done research on these people's politics. All these are just impressions.

Anyway...

I was thrilled for the U.S. and full of wonder on whether the Democrats just might give the U.S. either its first Lady President or its first Black President. Either way, it would have been a phenomenal milestone reached in its history. The Democrats chose the Black guy (which brought to mind a discussion before on social hierarchy, how sex/gender always comes first, then race, then wealth/power... which makes the black, poor woman the least woeful one to be). Am sure they have their reasons.

Anyway, Obama comes across as someone fresh and spunky. I watched his debate before with Hilary and he was just cool and collected. I guess it didn't help Hilary that she too passionate and appeared arrogant, aggressive and opinionated.

And then I read an e-mail saying Obama is a liar and discussed point by point just how, the biggest contention of which is that he's not exactly the discriminated, underprivileged Black he was trying to project... because if ever he does get elected, he'd actually be America's first Moslem President. He was more Moslem than Black, that was what made him different.

But I guess, his skin tone will always be a rallying point for all the migrants in the US. And by golly, the celebs have sure come together for him. I can't even name one who supports McCain and yet I can name several supporting Obama (George Clooney, Rosie O' Donnell who even bashed Angelina Jolie for not yet supporting Obama, Kate Walsh, Jessica Alba, Oprah... I can go on and on).

But it is this popularity that has me concerned now. It seems he actually lacks leadership experience (Republican running VP Sarah Palin is reported to have more experience, and she's from Alaska). I mean, the only things i've ever heard thrown McCain's way is his age and maybe the conservative stance of the Republicans. And then I see Obama promising so much so soon, it's just become too much of a popularity game instead.

I'm concerned because a lot of economies depend on the US'... ours included.

A good friend's father passed away. And she wrote a really beautiful entry about him. And I cannot help but be envious... not that her father is dead (because I love my Dad enough to be happy he's still alive) but that her father was the way he was, and that she is the daughter she is.

I am racking my brains right now for a memory of my Dad surprising me with something nice. Not that he wasn't thoughtful... both my parents were, in their own way. But I think the fact that my Dad chooses to 'keep things from us' in pursuit of feeding his ego with false praises by users and abusers... that has really estranged him from me.

And it's really traumatic to have someone you've put on a pedestal all your life be disclosed as not just far from perfect, but sometimes even downright mean. And I never will get why, although he never had affairs, he'd also choose to betray my Mother's trust and allow people to think otherwise. Where is the loyalty in that, if her honor wasn't something you protected?

I know I am being very cruel and heartless and selective. But I have really yet to accept that my father never loved my mother as I expect a husband should love his wife. Therein lies my misery. It's why I think he's failed me as a father.

Hopefully, we still have time to be a better father and daughter to each other.

How it might go... how you want it to go?

Can you even confidently say who will come running to grieve with your family when you finally snuff it? Who'd be holding your hand in your death bed?

Do your siblings love you enough? Do your kids? Does your spouse? What about your friends?

It's scary but I just realized that I have not commanded that degree of love and respect yet. I know I have friends and I know my family loves me, but I am far from the person I want to be.

And no, it's not that I want to be nice and all just so people will go to my funeral. But isn't it the truest testament of how well you've lived, when people are actually sorry to see you go... instead of breathing a sigh of relief?