MEComposing

I don't really know what to write...

there is this jubilation for an orgasm/sleep article because i wrote that when i was really inspired... hopefully you guys will read it at Subjective Mag come March...

there is this realization that I haven't bought anything yet for my beloved sis... but then again, having promised her new wardrobe before she leaves for the US, i guess she can forgive me...

there is that night of palpitations and stress, because my brother was being my brother, and i sometimes have to be honest that he inspires me to be a better person not because he's a good person, but because he seems to me so irreverently useless that i somehow have to make up for his continued presence in this world...

and then my colleague, my lunch-mate for almost 5 years now, and his worry over the possibility of cancer cells having metastasized on another part of his respiratory tract... and seeing fear again in his eyes as he tells me that he doesn't think he can see himself through another bout of treatment... both emotionally and financially...

and due to the cold nights, there's me always being horny, sometimes in mercilessly inappropriate times and conditions... and recurring memories of favorite sexual experiences haunt me, as if daring me to better them... or at least repeat them... but i haven't really time to engage in a sexfest that will make whores blush, since am very busy with so many other things...

like getting well... though am sick again

and school... realized i already love my kids... and i wonder why i kept syaing i always wanted to be a teacher when i realized that i've also often said that i'd never want to be a teacher... because my heart will be breaking for every year/sem that a group of students would be bidding me adieu...

i miss climbing mountains... i miss the sun in my face, and getting sweaty and weary... i miss jogging at the Boardwalk in Manila Bay, getting all those catcalls and whistles from the security guard... which often made me wonder if they'd watch my backpack for me so I won't have to be running with it... but never being one to use my feminine charms...

there's also the national government creating problems for my company, which has resulted to a panicky boss demanding different iterations with our financial plan, considering so many scenarios, etc... that i think if i die, she'd also commit suicide because nobody else can produce the statements she needs... or can reassure her that we used the correct assumptions...

i miss taking pictures of my body... am tempted to save for a nice hotel room just for a whole day photo session of my body parts... wearing different outfits, in different poses... time is kinda running out for me, and i better take great pictures of myself now for posterity...

besides, like what i say, i can explain to future kids and grandkids why their uber sensual LOLA has nudie pics at age 27...

but not why their LOLA has naughty pics of herself at age 50...

so really, better do it now while time hasn't yet completely taken over my hips... while my behind is still proud and my tits prouder...

(i really would have made the perfect courtesan, methinks, but that's another line of thought)

i've started exercising again at home... just stretches mostly because i've lately been too tired... i really intend to lose weight and jump back into size SMALL... not for any vain intent but for the sheer simplicity and convenience of buying new clothes without having to try them on...

i have yet to use my pink, fuzzy handcuffs by the way...

and try swallowing more (maybe, semen is really an acquired taste).. but the thought of that makes me shudder even as i type...

and stop praying that certain insipid little creatures in the form of really insecure adolescents would just drop dead...

this and other preoccupations result to an unexplainable mix of emotions... so right now, i can't even say if am happy or sad...

but it feels good to know am alive.

it's not your generous lips
not your penetrating gaze
never the smile that
lights up your eyes
nor the warmth of your embrace
that convinced me
i belong with you
i love you not for
the grand displays
of affection thought for me
planned, prepared for
exhaustively
that the public see
all the gifts,
and coming to my rescue
the care and nurturing
never the things that you do
but yes, indeed they count too

i love you not
for what you do
or how you make me feel
rather, i love you
because with you
i am ABLE to feel

gosh.. hopeless... the poem was beautiful when i first wrote it... in my head... last night... but i of course, forgot the lines and the thought... but i couldn't end the day without attempting...

Memories have a smell... those liminal moments months or years or decades ago, where, when you do think about them, you actually get to smell your surroundings again, remember the exact thoughts and feelings you were thinking and feeling then...

Ergo, i've often said... songs that have touched me have a smell... because they're one of the few things that are sure to propel me back in time... and make me long somewhat for who I was then...

And of course, make me smile at how far i've gone... and how much the world has changed... while some things have remained the same...

Somewhere In My Past by Julie Vega would always bring me to that night, when I was watching the late actress' funeral on TV. I must have been around 6 yrs. old then, too early to really be fanatic about something... but I cried for her.

Sad movies would always be a favorite... I remember back in college, I alone got the song perfect after a professor tested us on our listening and retaining abilities... My secret? Heck, i've been hearing the song sung to me by my favorite aunt all my life, whether she's telling me to keep off the floor she's polishing, or coaching me to eat what food she's prepared for me, or just stroking my hair to sleep.

And Eternal Flame by Bangles would always be the summer afternoons at the apartment complex where my aunt lived, with me standing on the stairs fronting the complex, looking around the neighborhood and just waiting for the day to end, before going in to eat dinner that my grandma cooked. It would always be summer vacations spent in Bacoor with them... of looking forward to the town fiesta and the Pailaw at the Plaza... of my then crush, a boy named Joey Villapania (?)...

I saw the Sign by Ace of Base would be one of the danc-y tunes my baby cousins would be dancing to, wowing me at how they're growing too fast too soon... and making me realize that I didn't much like vacationing there anymore...

Basta't Kasama Kita was my first slow dance... and a first step into the cruel and exciting world of boy-girl relationships...

I've been waiting for you and Crying in the Rain would always be the songs pasted on my wall... from a song mag, at age 13, when I started sleeping with our radio beside my pillow... being lulled to sleep by the canned music, my favorite always being Make it Easy (on me) by Sybil. It was also during this time when i'd first really fall in love... and when the melodramatic me would often imagine myself breaking up with my guy, and having that song for a break-up song... and yes, we met at the height of Humanap Ka Ng Panget, which is why I can't ever hate that song, no matter how jologs it seems to me now.

Prom Night would always be Please Forgive Me and not Got to Believe in Magic... and prom would always be the greatest crush of my life...

Never Say Goodbye by Bon Jovi is my theme song with my bestfriend back in high school. She was the one that said it's her theme song for me, and it kinda just stuck... so please don't ask explanations about any of us "losing more in some backseat". And saying goodbye to my high school friends and Paco Catholic School in general woud always be best reminded by For Just A Moment, that theme song from the movie St. Elmo's Fire.

Oh and by the way, I still know the steps to Ice, Ice Baby , THE dance song for me for highschool, though STARS comes a close second. And I still can't sit still when I hear How Gee (?), 2 Legit to Quit, Bring that Booty (over here), Rave Stump, Shine, X-TA-C, and other dance songs of that era. I'd forever miss Dr. Alban and would always adore Milli Vanilli songs.

Not that high school and college wasn't about Battle of the Bands and concerts too... I couldn't appreciate Eraserheads then but was already a fan of Side A. Set You Free was being performed on our grounds as I watched a friend cry because she knows it's about time she confronts her unfaithful and miserable boyfriend.

I Don't Wanna Talk About It would be the song my college friend Allee would be singing oh-so-finely to us for four years. It didn't really have any other significance aside from the fact that it's a very simple song... and we all loved its melody.

NGO volunteer work would be I Will Be Here, where I met Alvin, who will always be one Special Memory. He'd forever make me a fan of The Company after this... and when love deemed it right to separate us... we both realized how true it was that There's No Easy Way to Break Somebody's Heart.

Someone told me that " If Ever You're In My Arms Again, i'd love you much better..." but it wasn't meant to be... so i guess, just like that dreamy trip to Corregidor, That's The Way It Is...

And then I realized that I'd Rather have both good and bad times with JRA... and know that ours is an Everlasting Love...

There are a lot of other songs i've attached some memory to... old chants from old games and old songs we've modified for fun... songs which were just sooo popular at that time... or songs whose lyrics were just so reflective of how I was feeling...

And of course, i'd be forever Dancing Queen to a lot of friends, am sure...

A white car (sorry, i don't know the make) with two people in it was about to leave the car park. Driving it is a 30-something Fil-Chi guy, and beside him, a woman who was also in her 30's.

Suddenly, a red (or green?) CRV was hindering their exit, and an Arabian-looking guy, complete with dark olive skin and bushy beard, came out and started yelling at the driver of the white car.

"You jerk, give me back my wife. Laura, get off that car this very minute."

The couple in the white car was stunned... for who knew how many seconds.

Then the white-car driver recovered his senses and started shouting back.

"You fool. She doesn't love you anymore. I'm the one she loves and she's staying with me."

The lady in the passenger seat can now be seen trying to hide under her face with her handbag... but the men continued shouting expletives and claiming her. Death threats were even being exchanged now.

The white car-driver swerved and squeezed and maneuvered his car out of the carpark, where carpark attendants were left staring after them... stupefied.

The CRV followed suit... both cars driving away in a fury.

*~*

Laura, of course, is my widowed friend.

The man in the CRV is our friend Mark... and the man driving her away was Alvin.

Yes, we're all friends.

Yes, they were just playing with Laura.

Yes, it was perverted humor.

Yes, the men intend to forever role-play and embarass my friend in public.

Yes, Laura has vowed to not have lunch or dinner with them for months.

*~*

They actually just had lunch together. Mark said he'd bring Laura back to her office, and got worried when he lost Laura. He actually called Alvin and asked if he was with Laura, and asked Laura to leave Alvin and ride with him instead.

Listening to them talk about it... listening to Laura complain... and then thank heavens that it did not happen in a place where she's more known (lest colleagues or clients overhear and say to themselves... THAT CHICK, SHE'S SUCH A SL*T.. TSK TSK)... I still couldn't help but smile to myself...

And wonder at how great it is that our friends are rallying around her, taking care of her, supporting her, even babying her...

Of course, she's such a great person to command the attention...

But i love the love we share and the friendship that we have in this group that was mainly forged within an adult message board.

Alcos really protect their own... :) And yes, we do it in perverted ways... but the heart of the matter is... we love our own.

*~*

It's still actually funny for me, but since my friend recently lost her high school friend from that Sykes shooting... in seemingly the same scenario... I guess I can't ask people to share the same sick humor...

... the more insuferable she became.

*~*

Got this from an e-mail.

Gretchen Baretto has made it a habit to go to The Spa in RCBC Building, and would insist on boarding the elevator with only her four bodyguards.

One time, as all five of them were inside, an older lady also boarded the lift.

Gretchen told her bodyguard, "Bodyguard, will you please tell this old woman to step off the elevator?"

The 'old lady' replied, "Bodyguard, kindly tell this social climber to get out of my building..."

Turned out, the old lady was Yuchengco's daughter, and she's banned Gretch from the building.

*~*

And I seriously doubt that it isn't true... because this really beautiful actress has never been known to possess a beautiful heart.

I was updating my mountaineering blog when the blogger virus/glitch hit me again and made me lose my template as i was publishing. Good thing I'm not so busy at work, so I was able to look for the same template at Blogskins and pretty much recovered the look I wanted.

What's more, I started another blog... I've been real envious of photoblogs i've been checking out, because some pictures can really speak volumes and stand on their own... so... welcome Caught in my Eye....

I got the Eye eklat from Eye, of course... and I came up with the name because I do not hope to tantalize viewers with my photographic skills, but rather, share pictures of me and pictures taken by me which I feel are full of LIFE, LOVE and MIRTH.

If I ever shoot great pics like the ones in other photoblogs, so be it.

And yes, i'd still post pics here and on my mountaineering blog.

*~*

I'm sleepy but sinfully happy as i've been feeling lots better... hopefully, I can make it to the activities/gimmicks I have lined up for this weekend.

My favorite aunt was regalling JRA with stories of my childhood/babyhood... she couldn't help but laugh everytime she tells of how, even when I was bawling my heart out, i'd always stop when asked to sing, and then i'd pick up where I left my tears and start crying again...

And then she commented... that is why mothers (or parents) can never ever really get angry with their children, or turn their backs on them... because in their hearts, they'd always remember the childhood antics and baby cuteness of their children...

*~*

My Dad's fave story of me is that time we attended Mass in Antipolo Church. My Dad, carrying me in his arms, leaned over so I can dip my fingers in the Holy Water... and supposedly make the sign of the cross.

I did make the sign of the cross... only, I did it not to myself, but to the statue of the Blessed Virgin holding the shell of Holy Water.

Maybe I figured, her hands were full and she needed help.

*~*

My cousin's fave story is how, every morning when am in Bicol... my maternal grandma would walk the length of the seawall with me in her arms, to catch the early morning sun's rays...

One time, she fell off the seawall...

But I was unharmed... because she cradled me in her arms and landed on the rocks, with me lying on her chest.

*~*

Mom would also often tell me... how, after Mass in Paco Church, my Dad was hit by a car...

I was in his arms and the impact found me hurtling in the air...

To land on vegetables being sold along the sidewalk.

Yes, I was also unharmed.

*~*

It's also family legend already, that story when I was found under a buffet table... all red and filled with rashes... inebriated to the core and not even 3 years old... in one family gathering where someone didn't notice that he or she was giving me PUNCH and not JUICE...

And of course, how insanely mad my lola was...

*~*

As a token role reversal... I keep telling of how my bro and I once had a trash can between us at the foot of my parents' bed, as we were eating butong pakwan (watermelon seeds), and taking turns feeding a happily cooing Grace who was sitting on the bed.

She got too excited and fell head first into the trash can.

My bro and I were stunned for a minute before we scrambled to help our sister out of the trash can... but not before laughing at her first as we watched her wave her legs in the air...

Luckily, she laughed happily again on the bed. And we kept laughing and laughing and laughing about it.

And that's the only time I can remember being UNABLE to eat butong pakwan.

*~*

Got this from my friend Lorie. If you have time, please take this test...

I couldn't help but get upset over GMA last night, because of her lack of comment regarding the Jalosjos pardon issue that's been making headlines during the Holidays.

Even the dam*ed Congress seems to be in favor now of pardoning him.

And though i'm not much of a fan of both Gabriela and Atty. Katrina Legarda, I cannot help but feel a little more hopeful that they're voicing out against the atrocity.

Back to GMA... I hated her lack of comment... because that cannot help but suggest to me that she still has no definite stand on this one, and further implies that she may still be swayed.

Not that her words and promises really account for a lot of things these days...

But she's a woman... and a mother!!! I actually want her to stand up for women and mothers parents and show that she at least upholds justice for victims and survivors of child abuse.

But I guess that's too much to ask...

*~*

I bloody well dam*ed gained weight!

Last November.. I was only a friggin' 120 lbs.

Sniff...

Not that the Holidays didn't bring with it the usual food binge... then again, I wasn't able to do that even, because I was sick.

But because I was sick, I was mostly bedridden... sleeping or watching TV and only eating meals because I was taking medication.

No exercise, no late night parties, no detrimental secondhand smoking, no frenzied travel from one gathering to another...

Sniff... I so gained weight.

I am now... a whopping... 121 lbs.

Waaahhhhhhhhhh........ :p

I meant to write about the greed that is prevalent the most during Christmastime... and am not talking about politicians and corrupt government employees...

Heck, you don't even have to look very far... because the kind of greed and superficiality am talking about flourishes in our very own homes...

*~*

I will not be a hypocrite and say that I was not given to the same as a child. Aside from hoping my godparents would give me money, i'd even compare my loot with that of my brother's... people tended to give more money to younger kids... and so, I grew up with him getting more money than I ever did...

Heck, sometimes, i'd even compare gifts I got with that of my cousins. It will forever make me resentful that my aunts and uncles saw it fit to send me dolls... which I really didn't like playing with... while they sent my male cousins Lego sets..

I'd go ballistic inside and think my older relatives to be moronic... for thinking that I, a school achiever and bookworm, wouldn't also love to play with Legos. Hmmpf...

But I digress...

When I became an adult (if I want, I may even be able to pinpoint the exact moment this happened... and the exact moment I realized that even adults can be petty and irrational and cruel... and that i'd always be part-child... petulant and needy and emotional and naive... yes, naive... ok, fine... romantic na nga lang, wag naive...), I started being the one to give gifts.

First, it was only my sis and I sort of doted on her of course. I was wary of giving too expensive a gift that's pretty useless... but I saved for things I know she'd really like to have, that I could never have before...

And then came my nieces and nephews. And again, I doted on them... I always bought food pasalubongs (stick-o's, chocolates, ice cream, cake, biscuits, yakult, etc.) for them... aside from buying little things like pensils, books, show cards, coloring books and pens, etc.

I've also always tried giving responsibly... buying toys that are educational and for me, thoughtful... such as kiddie pools, face paints, toy clays, etc.

And of course, I buy them clothes which they'd use for a long time.

And when I can, of course I give them money. Like what I said, I doted on them. I moved heaven and earth to throw Ela a party she'd always wanted but that's because I love her, she deserves it, and her biological parents are sh!tty. Anyway...

These things, I freely do.

And these things, I hate doing when demanded.

Fortunately for me, my close cousins, despite always kidding me about giving their kids money, are considerate enough to be aware that I already give to their kids year-round. And that they didn't have to get me for a NINANG to ensure such things.

*~*

This Christmas found me cash-strapped... because I intend to buy a new cell phone. I texted two of my kumares asking them for anything specific my inaanaks might want, also asking that it not be something expensive, and something I can buy at SM or Rob because i'd be using gift cheques instead.

Merong makulit who answered... "Sana cash na lang kasi we're saving up for a high chair."

Sinabi na ngang ala akong cash!!!! Howell... it turned out, I missed seeing her son because I was sick when they threw a party for him last Dec. 11.

And then I was told I was chosen to be Ninang of one of my cousin's newborn. I kinda wanted to remind my cousin living with us that her sis shouldn't get me for a Ninang anymore, because am already Ninang to her brother's firstborn. I mean, I know I was mainly chosen because of my financial standing, and not due to any sentimental reason... especially since they're living in some far-off Sultan Kudarat place where the child will grow up never knowing me anyway. And yet, they've requested I send baby dresses.

But i've already spent much on Maurisha's cousin Marjorie's clothes and school supplies!

Hmmpf...

One of JRA's old classmates called him up to tell him she's chosen him to be Ninong. And she requested a Baby Guess anything for the child. JRA was kind enough not to tell the mother off... but I really ranted to him that I never asked him for anything like that, and am supposed to be the great love of his life! Hmmpf...

And then there are people who know my father... who'd get me for Ninang to one of their many children... because of, again, my gift-giving capacity. And I don't even know these kids.

I mean, shouldn't you make someone a Ninang if you're close with that person... and that person has offered?

Honestly, I won't mind being Ninang to my siblings' and close cousins and friends' kids... not because I have sooo much money to give away, but because of the simple reason that I want to continue my love and attachment for that sibling/relative/friend through that child...

Ugh...

*~*

And I so hate being Ninang, and attending the baptism, and not knowing my fellow Ninangs... because there are 10 or so of us there... aside from the 10 or so other Ninongs... I hate not feeling special... because i've always attached a sense of responsibility to ninanghood...

What's up with that crap? To ensure more gifts, that's what!!!

But never for me... I've always vowed that my kids' godparents would be a maximum set of 3... because I have to allow for my many relatives and friends...

But that's it.

I even dream of buying tokens for my kids' ninangs and ninongs someday... because I don't want any kumares and kumpares thinking my kids are leeches... and to teach my babies not to be corrupt-officials-in-training...

*~*

Traditionally, in our family, whoever was your baptismal godparents would also be your wedding godparents... Supposedly, they saw you grow up and will continue guiding your development as you become married and have kids of your own.

That's one fine tradition of my father's family... something my cousins observed in their own weddings...

That's just the way it is.

And so shall it be for my own wedding.

And again, I will not be hypocritical and say that it won't be nice to have a ninong or ninang who can sponsor some ofthe major stuff in the wedding...

But i'd hate to be outshined by a principal sponsor on my wedding day.

And i'd hate to have some famous person outshine the real mentors of my life... the aunts and uncles and other older people I look up to and learn from and respect.

And it's going to be a maximum of 5 sets for my wedding... because it sure as hell ain't a circus.

*~*

And the sure as hell fact of the matter is... walang patagong pera sakin lahat ng inaanak at pamangkin ko.

*~*

I remembered to write about this because of one of Sassy's posts...

Around five years ago, it dawned on my Dad and his siblings that half of them are already in the US, and most of the apos here are already grown, some already having families of their own.

They decided to celebrate Noche Buena together, alternating from the 3 major houses in Lipa (my Lola's, where Tita Ester lives with her family, my parents' and my Tito Dolfo's) and having everyone else just bring food.

The first was held at Tito Dolfo's, it was a really cold and stormy Noche Buena then... where the ricefield bordering my uncle's house invited more wind to assault us wide awake into the wee hours of the morning. My lawyer cousin tried feeding everyone helpings upon helpings of the blueberry cheesecake she just learned to make. It was Christmas 2000.

The next was held at my Lola's... the highlight of which was, my Mom hosting a Bring Me/Answer Me game... my cousins and I frenzily counted window panes, and thought of birthdays just to get the cash money my Mom was doling out for every right answer. My cousin's wife even bundled the then infant Bryant and brought him out into the cold December night so she'd win the BRING ME THE BABY OF THE FAMILY... My cousin from the US loved my Mom's hot cocoa... and his brother thought he died and went to heaven because we had chix-mac salad, fruit salad and buko pandan aside from pancit and spaghetti... and sotanghon soup... all of which were his favorites. It was Christmas 2001.

The next was held at our house in Lipa, where KC made sure nobody else would use the mic which was already filled with his saliva as he sang along the videoke. The highlight of the night? JRA arrived with bubbles for the kids which they loved... Mom hosted the usual games and gave away money and presents. She really loves hosting, and I know she really saves all her Christmas money to give away to kids. It was Christmas 2002.

The next was held again at my Lola's house, because other cousins from the US came (they haven't visited since 1994). They arrived in the Philippines at midnight... and arrived in Lipa around past 2 am. We all waited for their return, as my Dad and some cousins went to fetch them from the airport, and the family was just not complete without everyone there. The highlight of that feast? Of course, the opening of the balikbayan boxes. And JRA arriving with goodie bags (containing bubbles, of course) and GLOW STICKS. That was Christmas 2003.

And then, because my parents are leaving with my sister this year for the US, together with another uncle and cousin, our eldest cousins agreed to hold our Noche Buena at my parents' home again. This time, nobody else brought food... but we had a feast anyway. The kids enjoyed the DUYAN while the men drank beer and gin and brandy while getting scolded by KC, who was also lording it over everyone that he got a 100 score from the videoke machine... there were goodie bags and exchange gifts and the kids, of course, quarreled and cried and fought and got scolded over many things.

*~*

Year 2005 is Year of the Rooster. My boss says that experts say the year does not bode well for everyone... as it's main element is also WOOD. I think they even say that there is no beginning foreseen for this year... as nothing in the known zodiacs suggest water (wealth) and fire (fame). yada-yada-yada.

And yet, my cousin is graduating this March... and moving out of our household.

And my parents and my sister are migrating to the US, also this March.

My hipag will also be coming back, and chances are, my bro just might impregnate her again (she got pregnant with Pyro after she came back from i forgot which country... and they weren't living together yet then).

And i'd be leaving home to make an honest man out of JRA and live happily ever after with him.

Beginnings... transition year... thresholds waiting to be crossed. And i'm reeling from the emotional highs and lows of it all... anticipating and excited with the promises... and resisting and attempting to deny the changes.

*~*

Speaking of not so baby steps...

My recently widowed friend Laura has also joined the blogging world... check her out as she deals with losing a much-loved spouse here. She also thanks everyone of you (my blog friends) who extended prayers for her beloved.

And my friend Jong would also be taking the BAR EXAM this year...

And my friend Jet would be attempting to realize a DREAM this year... so may she find success in the US too...

And my fave boss, Len, has given birth to Gabrielle Jeanne last Dec. 24... and is currently spending her maternity leave fussing and nursing a nocturnal angel, her 4th child... (i was just really sick the whole Holidays but there's something about being texted at 7 am last dec. 24, informing you of the birth, that was both humbling and inspiring and heartwarming)

*~*

Like what I've been blogging about... December was horrible to my throat and sinuses... I mostly stayed home and slept... there were even days when i'd only be awake for a total 6 hours...

I skipped on a lot of gimmicks and parties, fearful that ciggy smoke would further aggravate what was already a really bad condition... nights were especially bad because i'd be sneezing my head off... My cousin even said, though I wasn't snoring in my sleep (as i'm wont to do when i have a stuffy nose), she could tell I was troubled because i kept moaning and talking and thrashing about all those nights...

Dec. 30, I was well and courageous enough to attend the Pinoybloggers' EB... since a lot of bloggers have touched my life and I wanted to meet them in person... some even visiting from abroad... good thing it was at Cabalen in Mega Mall... I didn't really have to handle 2ndhand smoking the whole night...

Am still sick... coming back from Lipa last night resulted into another allergy attack...

And my own sorrows rendered my already puffy eyes... more puffy...

Migraine alert is on HIGH... but I couldn't skip work... wonder if am fit to teach later though...

*~*

Last Christmas, I gathered enough energy to go to my uncle's house... because he'd been sending word that we should go there. He is my mother's brother who lives just one jeepney ride away from us. Traditionally, he and Mom would just be exchanging relatives for guests on Christmas Day... where people would eat food there and have dessert in our house, or vice versa.

But due to the 5-year tradition we've started in Lipa... people would often just eat and feast at Tito Darmo's and just call on us in the afternoon, already bursting with food and money... for more gifts and money. This is because, we'd usually get back to Manila around lunch time, and Mom has to cook food pa.

He was his usual masungit-sounding self, treating us like kids who wouldn't resist the food on their table, and the chocolates and cakes and ice cream on their fridge... growing up, i've always loved going to their place because they always had sooo many food... and sooo many chocolates... and he's always been generous with them. (I think the conservative slice of the Black Forest cake is what triggered another tonsillitis attack for me... because it was the only sweet I had there... and 2 hours later, my throat was hurting like hell again)

My aunt (his wife) and I got to discussing family affairs... she told us that my uncle is expecting some Php6k from work and plans to give it to their youngest brother, who is undergoing treatment for prostate cancer. This brother isn't exactly poor yet, not having kids of his own, and his wife also earns really well at BSP. But my uncle, like my Mom, is like that... through the years, they've always been the ones to shoulder almost everything...

My Tito Darmo has also been trying to get rid of his kidney stones. Providentially enough, he's been responding to herbal treatments and SEEMS to not need the surgery advised for him by doctors. My aunt says, my uncle doesn't want to get operated on because he fears it would weaken him (If really necessary, they'd also opt for laser surgery... ther're totally against opening him up in whatever way)... and he's scared of "getting old and weak" because he still wants to support and raise his grandkids...

One of which is 4 years old, born with a hole in her heart, a hole which has been steadily growing bigger...

And I realized then, i'm still luckier because my parents are still healthier... and because, despite these obvious grievances, my uncle and his family continue to thrive and love each other...

They also offered to be the ones to give me away if my wedding day comes, and my parents aren't around to do it for me...

Christmas is about things you can depend on and keep faith with... like my family...

*~*

I wouldn't end this post without sharing some pics... these ones taken last January 01, eve of the barrio fiesta in my Dad's hometown...

As you can see, Bitoy taught Pyro that they're far cuter than the displays on my Lola's shelf...

And of course, Pyro liked licking the isaw...



*~*

Saw my ex, Neil, and his preggy wife at the Church... howell...