we love most...

7:51 PM Wednesday, November 28, 2007

... those whom we love first.

Whoever said that must already know that it isn't even generally true. But of course, one must grant a certain acknowledgment of firsts.

Heaven knows I didn't marry my first love. And although i'm the firstborn child, my mother's devotion will always be my younger brother's.

But I remember how my niece Ela and nephew Pyro brought alive the motherly, nurturing, protective instincts in me... driving me to do things I wouldn't normally do... like swallow my pride.

And for those memories, I will always be theirs for the taking, so to speak.

I am positive that I will love all my children, not in the same way most probably, with all of me, same way that I love my husband. But I look at my son and cannot help but feel a little sad for his siblings who will be born to us someday...

For I might not have the time or energy to enjoy just watching them sleep.

Or documenting their every move.

And memorizing every grimace.

And carving in stone every threshold crossed.

Mostly because Yakee is surely around to make kulit.

I look at my son and wonder if he'd ever get to appreciate the privilege of being born first. Of having everyone graciously excited over you, the first blessing to a union. Of being the one who will set standards for the other kids.

We love most those whom we love first. Hmmm. I guess in a way, it will be true, one just have to qualify the statement a little more.

I'd always love Yakee most because he was the first who taught me about being responsible for somebody else's life, health, well-being and future.

I'm sure my (future) other kids have other lessons to teach me, and i'd love them most for bringing alive in me something more, something greater, something better.


While watching my son sleep, I also cannot help but be sad sometimes... that somewhere, there is a child smiling in his sleep without anyone to witness it, without anyone to rejoice over it, feel gratitude for it and be humbled by it.

Surely, every child deserves the same...


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