At 34

11:36 PM Monday, October 03, 2011

This has got to be my first birthday ever that I didn't have cake. And ice cream.

In a way, that is sad... not really because of the cake and ice cream (we could easily have gotten one) but because it really means I am all grown up. Some concerns I have cannot be fixed by ice cream and cake anymore. And my birthday, although I am thankful for it, is now really just another day in my series of days of growing and being.

And there are more pressing things on my mind.

Like my sons, who need me, and are reacting negatively to my bad mood.

And my bad mood... mainly because I think I still feel choiceless and limited with what I have chosen, instead of empowered and enlightened.

And my sudden penchant for multi-wear.

And the eczema on my hands. It pains me to do the simplest tasks like type this, or caress/carry my sons.

And that great question again of where do I go next, considering I already have plans and actually could start homeschooling already.


It's my birthday today and I am pondering if I am serving my life purpose. I even asked hubs to go to a Christian worship... in pursuit of answers.

I can't say I'm lost because I know what I want and I know some of the ways to get there. But I feel... diminished. Deflated.

I only pray I finally put myself to better use.

And I am thankful that I got someone who is pushing me to keep my word on a supposed birthday gift to myself: finally write a storybook.



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