MEComposing

I stand 5 feet and 4.5 inches tall. And I weigh 190 pounds right now. That is seriously yikes when you think of the numbers alone.

But yeah, at least I am pregnant and can invoke 'baby weight' as an excuse. I'm just not bothered about being overweight right now because I already have a group of women intent on a group makeover who are sure to get me to a healthier weight after the birth. And keep me using makeup (especially moisturizers!).

Slow but sure, I intend to really be a healthier weight again. And really run in that Mommy Milkshake marathon next year (August). Already, I miss my mountaineering days and feel inspired to be getting sporty sweaty again. And I want to be strutting my cleavage all the time again, haha. Time, I feel, is sorta running out for that kind of thing so might as well be the vamp I was before again.

It makes me feel better about myself too, when am all dressed and gussed up. Haha.

My cousin grew up here in the Philippines. It was only after college that he was able to join his parents in the US. He's now a registered nurse there.

He's always been ranting to me about how life there is very different from the life he's lived here. He still hasn't adjusted to the way people do things there, especially how they deal with each other.

And then there's the matter of education. He told me that the Math questions his younger brother (who is in middle school) has had to deal with at his age are far more complex than what he has had to deal with in his Pre Algebra days here. He has even wondered if he should get his brother in some online tutoring program like the one tutornext.com offers just so his brother won't get overwhelmed by Algebra equations.

Then there's also the matter of how kids there are just really different, with values not really family-centered and dreams that do not even include their parents. I just tell my cousin to focus instead on what he can celebrate by being there instead of ranting all the time about what's different or lacking.

Well, not really a war but conflict in some blogging circles. And it's not really something new. This has been going on and on and on for years now, it's just getting a little less hushed now with more players and all those social networking sh!t where people can broadcast opinions/rants and followers/friends can say "ditto!"

And well, as always, I am one of those bloggers who aren't in the middle of it. I don't write that well enough, have that much of a following, get that much traffic nor have that much clout. I am still stumped by SEO sh!t. And I'm sorry I keep saying sh!t today, haha.

Anyway, since pro-blogging is also getting more lucrative, what with so many bloggers earning from their blogs, and some even doing it full time, it's really just logical that bloggers will go different ways, and some will invariably be greedy. Or really resourceful. And some (the ones I silently hate), really hypocritical. Then again, we'd all always have different standards and most of us are always likely to excuse ourselves first.

There was a time when bloggers just wanted to document their thoughts and air their opinions. There are still some of these purists now, those who purposely even shun Adsense earnings... while some just didn't know they could generate income from their blogs. Or not, I mean, after all, not all blogs really have content or are engaging or whatever.

And then there are those bloggers earning from paid posts and links and whatever. I am one of them. Just recently, my Dad and my sister have expressed being touched by posts I made which I actually made because I had to post paid links. Like what I told my sister, I have posted more honest and loving sentiments about them... but then again, I have also really tried to preserve the integrity of my blogs. Which is why it frustrates me to no end why I am not getting more opps for my hthyou.com blog (considering it does have a decent traffic) so that I need not sully my personal blogs. Oh and make no mistake, I did get greedy.

I jumped on the paid blogging bandwagon after becoming a sahm because I felt guilty about not having income. Plus, if other bloggers who had poorer grammar and worse content than I will ever have are earning from their blogs, why shouldn't I? And I haven't regretted that decision because all the pooled income has really helped my family in several times of need. Like right now, more than half of my delivery fund is coming from my accummulated income from all my online gigs. It's a year of work at least but P100k just from writing and being online... that's a big help to my backbreaking hubby! Plus, it will allow me to give birth in a hospital I want, no matter how impractical it may seem.

But I digress.

And then there are those who earn mostly from ads because their blogs are high in SEO(which I still don't get). And I've been told that attending blogger events are one of the surest way to boost your SEO. Plus, attending blogger events really has its perks due to the freebies you get. It's supposed to be some sort of product launch or press con for something, but it is so easy to go not to be informed but because of the freebies. Human nature.

And that's where the conflicts now are arising. Getting invites to somewhere (haha, if I am not being referred by friends, I would not be invited to anything at all!). Gatecrashers. Bloggers not being objective (one of the first things to go is objectivity when you've been wined and dined and freebied and not just because bloggers as humans are easily corruptible, but because bloggers as humans will be kind to the hand that fed them). Clashes with other media people or clashes with the PR people themselves. Bloggers actually demanding freebies and compensation, or getting back at companies via bad reviews. Companies plying bloggers with freebies and demanding positive posts after. Companies being forced to really spoil aand pamper bloggers. No-shows because bloggers got more lucrative invites. I mean, the list goes on and on and on and these are issues that am sure also happen with other media/press people. And with bloggers being different folks that can tolerate different strokes, it's hard to even agree on a standard procedure of actually tapping, dealing and handling the blogging network.

For what it's worth, there are bloggers with clout that are active in blogger events who have maintained a sense of integrity and proper sense of decorum. But we all know, they are only a handful.

And there are those who are enjoying a windfall of products/events to blog about, who aren't corrupt also, but whose posts nonetheless suffer from being too busy.

The rest: bandwagonists, poseurs, hypocrites or just plain clueless. And I think I am all of those in varying degrees. So I guess that's also why I don't get SEO nor invited to events that much. God loves me enough to prevent me from going to the dark side for good.

And so, I can still live with who I am as a blogger, and I still love my blogs.

*~*

The bloggers I am connected with in Plurk and FB are calling for all other bloggers to exercise self-respect and to act with decency in events, and with their dealings with companies. This request is made so that 'bloggers' as a collective term will command some sort of respect.

It was midnight sale at Rob Place Manila so we didn't notice the time. Before I know it, it was already 10:30 and we were all still gabbing! I was with my former FSL classmates last night and we were talking so much, we didn't even get pictures taken.

We ate dinner at Chef D' Angelo and had coffee (I mostly had water and donuts) at the newly-opened Krispy Kreme there. We talked about former classmates, bekimon, their FSL 3 exams and presentation (Don't Stop Believing in sign language), what we've realized about the Deaf, shopping and travels and even religious practices. I really, really, really had fun!!!

I really hope we'd be friends forever, haha, because I really love them. And missed them.

She didn't originally want anyone to know. But I guess, worry for her and a need for emotional support has driven her immediate family to start spreading the news. And now, the clan knows that my cousin is about to undergo a kidney transplant.

I am not sure yet if they have found a donor already and if a schedule has been set. All I know is that they were looking for her brother to donate (and he and his wife were willing) but that it seems my uncle opposed it because her brother has a family. Now it seems they have tapped an unmarried cousin of hers (mother's side) to donate his kidney. Hopefully, they are a match and that the cousin is really willing to help her out.

My cousin has suffered from nephrosis for some time now and I guess her smoking habit didn't help her condition. So it seems the meds aren't enough and she has been advised to get a transplant. At least, I hope that was the scenario as opposed to "get a transplant otherwise, you'll die asap."

So now, I have been warning everyone from our clan to watch their diet and get their kids eating right. I've even told a cousin-in-law to get her hubby (my cousin) to reduce the amount of cigarette he smokes for it seems our genes weren't that great after all. I had banked on the longevity of my paternal grandma's clan but it seems our kidneys aren't great. Two of my uncles had kidney probs (and one of them died from it) and now, my cousin.

Thank God though that all in all, the rest of my father's siblings (including him) has healthy eating habits and lifestyles.

Anyway, I am praying for my cousin because I love her, because she's still young (38) and because I know she still has a lot of good things to bring to this world as a daughter, a sister, a cousin, a friend and a lawyer.

And by sizzling, I don't mean in a good way.

And I know it's not just because I'm pregnant that I find the current weather uncomfortable. It's just really hot and humid. Two electric fans aren't even enough for me when I am downstairs. Makes me wish for a ceiling fan too. Or make that two ceiling fans!!!

Weather is really so weird now. My sister, on the other hand, had a shortlived summer. Usually, she'd be telling me about Hansen Wholesale Ceiling Fans and leaving me links like "Find out who makes the Best Ceiling Fans here!" to direct me to Casablanca and Minka Aire makers but she said it got cold and windy too soon in Michigan for her to even feel summer. Usually she'd be ranting about how hot it is there before autumn but that never happened this year. And in this glorious country of ours, it's like summer is back despite the rains and storms.

Ugh.

I have actually started looking pregnancy tired. But this is me looking fab after a long while, and that was enough to put a smile to my face.

I really should buy more accessories though because I've been wearing the same necklace everytime I go out.

Going back to my former office to celebrate my son's birthday with them, ex-colleagues all kept telling me I'm huge. Well, I am. I must be more than 180 lbs. now. I can literally see my skin drying up from all the stretching it's doing. Weirdly enough though, I don't waddle much now.

Oh, had to buy new bras yesterday too 'coz my 40B chest just really needs bigger cups to feel comfy. But all in all, I am rocking this last leg of pregnancy, am I not?

My darling niece who landed herself a scholarship at De La Salle-Lipa (high school) is top one in her class. I was ecstatic when I found out because she's also in the cream section. For someone who must be getting all the answers to her Math questions by being resourceful at the library and studying hard, instead of tutors, I am really, really proud of her.

I just hope that when the time comes, I would be in a position to provide her with all the Chemistry help and Geometry help she'd need, either by helping pay for tutors or at least providing resources she can enjoy at home.

I'm sure she's also utilizing the internet a lot but it's really hard work getting her top grades. Sigh. I really hope she'd continue making the better choices so she can succeed and escape the struggles that her parents are dealing with, as a consequence of them not finishing their studies.

My sister is scheduled to take her NCLEX either this October or on November. I really wish she'd make it this time so that she can finally be a registered nurse in the US. Even with the economy there still really in recession, I would simply love for her to be ordering scrub sets here and landing a job in a hospital already. I know she'd look cute in medical nursing scrubs, plus I know she'd really make for a greatly caring nurse.

I want her to start earning for herself and taking in the rewards of all those years of study, as well as taking on more responsibilities on her shoulders. It is time, after all, for our parents to get some reprieve from supporting her.

She is based in Michigan though and job pickings there are kinda slim so she might have to work for a while in nursing homes, like our cousin did, before she really gets a hospital job. No matter, so long as she strives to be the professional she was trained to be. Plus, she can still wear adorable scrub sets wherever she works and look fab while providing all those TLC.

"Thou that has given so much to me,
Give one thing more–a grateful heart;
Not thankful when it pleaseth me,
As if thy blessings had spare days;
But such a heart, whose pulse may be
Thy praise."

– George Herbert


I used to get depressed before for a month before my birthday, feeling like those who care about me won't particularly exert extra effort to make me feel just how special I am for them on my birthday. I guess it all stems from that belief I have that I was born to this world for a reason, for a purpose, and I needed to be validated that somehow, I was accomplishing that purpose... that I was making a difference in somebody else's life.

How narcissistic, yes :) And irrational, yes.

Now, there's still that girl in me. But at least I find I can let go of the 'disappointments' easier now. I really have no other wish today than to have the car fixed at a cost we can still afford, other than that, am okay. I mean, 33 years today and my family is still complete, plus I am building my own.

Nothing can beat that kind of blessing.

(Oh, I just remembered Py... so I guess it's wrong to say my family's complete. Still, my parents are still alive and both my siblings. But okay, I felt sad about Py. But I trust he is where he is supposed to be right now, as I am, as we are.)

Don't I look all kinds of fab and happy? :)

I am wearing the sake top from the bento box of Eden Maternity Wear collection. Yup, I am even specific now about clothes. And I have just bought another maternity con nursing wear today and a pink nursing bandeau (it's Breast Cancer Awareness Month so we all have to wear pink!).

Anyway, this is me, the birthday girl. Well, my birthday is not till Sunday but thanks to Facebook, I have been getting greets already.

I would like to thank God for all the blessings that are pouring my way. My current fave quote is "Blessings only come to those who notice." and though I sometimes fail to notice, I know I am blessed.

And even though I still want so many things in life, I have no doubt at all that I'd get what is due me, and I will get what I really want and need in my life.

Life continues to be a learning experience and a great adventure. And I know, many greater things are in store for me. I am keeping the faith. And well, I am praying and hoping I am right.