MEComposing

January last year, I predicted that I'd be finally walking down the aisle December of this year. Alas, it seems I have more than a year to wait. Still, with friends left and right getting married (this is Libet's wedding cake, and no it's not dalandan, pandan or avocado-flavored... it's walnut something and green is her fave color), I really sometimes cannot help but think how my own would be like.

Of course, it's going to be a big one, what with my family and friends alone reaching over a hundred, tho not necessarily a grand one. Still, I hope God will bless me with the grace to not put myself heavily in debt just so I can have my dream wedding. I just really feel it's a bad way to start your marriage life, paying off loans and credit card bills because you just HAD to have this specific cake, or so many butterflies, or so many meal courses, etc.

Another prediction/goal I set in that January blogpost last year is that my passport will finally get a stamp. I even hoped for Malaysia, but alas, it was Hongkong. I still have to buy myself a little black dress tho, and upgrade my mountaineering gear... but it's nice that somehow, i'm moving forward.

(i think am really bored and need to like, hang out and just talk with someone... for hours... sigh... what other senseless post will i be coming up with next!?! am listening to hiphop/rnb songs and just rocking my head back and forth here, am really going crazy, lolz)

This is Andrea Santiago, our neighbor. She was playing with Pyro one time and unbeknownst to me, followed me when I was going up to my room. She fell off the stairs at the first step but managed to hit my pc's cpu. Of course, she cried a hell lot. My cpu, on the other hand, received such a blow that my video card got dislocated which required my pc to be opened and all sorts pa.

And since Pyro is already very interested in smashing my keyboard (not just clicking on the keys, he has to hear it drop on the floor), I wonder how much he's going to torture my pc, in time.

menace to households... tsk tsk..

KC PANGILINAN

First, I never really liked Sharon Cuneta, never liked her singing voice, the way she speaks, the way she hosts (I'm actually of the opinion that she's just a glorified version of Kris Aquino, and as fake too... for how can a self-respecting and really intelligent, discriminating woman LIKE everything and everyone?), the way she acts. But i've always commended her for righting a big-time wrong by at least holding out for another marriage and not slutting herself about, for not exactly parading her wealth around, for seeming to prioritize family over career (though it doesn't exactly seem like it, for she gets multi-million peso commercial deals even when pregnant and she keeps getting expensively magnificent goodbye and welcome back again shows) and for not being given to palengkera tendencies. She seemed decent and smart. She seems to have made really better and better choices.

But changing her daughter KC's surname from Concepcion to Pangilinan (effective last July 23, I think)? And simply because she wanted all her children's surnames to be the same? Ridiculous! And KC being of age shouldn't have allowed it. There's really no point in adopting her, she's of legal age already. Her dad is still very much alive and has provided for her at least one time in her life. They say Gabby wasn't even informed of the betrayal. And even if Sharon and Kiko were to argue that Gabby was a deadbeat dad who never gave enough emotional and financial support, he's still the biological father and he's always acknowledged KC to be his child (partly why I never found KC to be exceptionally pretty is beacuse it's her dad's face thru and thru!). If Sharon is still feeling vindictive, she should have just switched KC's surname to Cuneta and be done with Concepcion.

Charlene Gonzales kept her father's name even if the man she calls her father is that Bonin guy. But she respected her real father enough. I know it's pretty hard to be reasonable when you hate the father of your kid/s and you're already separated... but a parent shouldn't ever encourage hate from a child, for how else will she learn to forgive the imperfect and irresponsible parent? I don't know really, but this development doesn't feel right.

I wonder if this has allayed some of the stigma/pain for KC of her biological parents' separation.... or if this will really buy more votes for Kiko Pangilinan someday... or if it would make KC richer to have 3 named parents to someday inherit from... or if it really bought more confidence/esteem, peace of mind and respect for any of them.

Well, I just really hope it didn't just widen the gap separating father and child... and decreased the chances at forgiveness for the once married couple...

(a reaction to gossip discussed over lunch, heaven help me, I really am bored)

Watched the dvd given to me of LOST IN TRANSLATION. Yes, Jay, I really hope I will never find myself in her position... then again, I was never good at Philosophy back in college... :)

Still, i'd love to be treated with as much respect by a stranger...

*~*

Also watched ELLA ENCHANTED. Not only was I greatly entertained (we watched it twice at home), but Anne Hathaway was not only beautiful, she was also very expressive.

And, surprisingly enough, the movie was based on a book. Hopefully, i'd get my hands on a copy.

*~*

Weekend was a quiet one for me, started re-reading Harry Potter from Book 1 (am now in the middle of Book 4), allowed my nephew to play with my collection of underwear (why he had this fascination for a maroon bra, I shall never know) and throw away everything in my bag, ate lotsa milk (yes, ate... as in powdered milk and sugar in a cup and eaten using a teaspoon... a habit i haven't really outgrown from childhood) and skittles and chewing gum... and generally behaved like the sloth that I am.

And so, of course, I'm not very happy that it's Monday.

The proposal to adopt the 2-child policy here in the Philippines is news. I am against it and just really glad that from what I know of the country, it cannot be implemented anyway.

Aside from fearing that it will give way to more of the horrible abandonment of infants and aborted fetuses, I am taking it personally as I mean to have as many kids as I want, that my husband and I can afford (not just financially) to bring up. And it cannot be lesser than 3 kids for me.

And of course, the machismo-ridden Senate hasn't thought of conducting vasectomy on say, 1/4 of the reproductive population to complement the 2-child policy and the things women are forced to go thru (from pill-taking to ligation).

Once, I took the drudgery of compiling all my written works, poems, articles, essays... and had them bound. I was fervent in my search of a picture of an old tomb in a decay-laden cemetery to complement the "book's" title whish was MEComposing, but alas, I was unlucky.

Still, I made 3 copies of the original and had them bound (at P100 each since I wanted the job done asap). On the first page of each were personalized letters... to 3 people who I feel have helped me define what things to stand for in this life. 2 of the compilations reached their intended recipient, I still have the last one. And I fear, it won't ever reach its destination.

Still, my purpose was accomplished... the act helped purge me of a lot of negative feelings, and it helped me say goodbye to really bad times.

*~*

Ralph Fiennes is playing Lord Voldemort in the next HP movie!!!! How I really wish they got Joseph Fiennes to play Mad Eye Moody... and with Gary Oldman there, it would have been perfect.

Still, who doesn't love Ralph? :)

YES, a new template :)

Not that I had anything against my old one (i'd forever thank my friend Vera for accommodating all my specifications regarding the roving cleavage). It's just that i've been using the old one for over a year now. As they say, time for a COOL change...

*~*

My pregnant boss was telling me, several days ago, how she and her husband has stayed till well past 2 am arguing over the issues raised by this DEBATE show they watched, over the matter of giving equal percentage of inheritance to legitimate and illegitimate children.

Her husband's take, of course, was to not punish said illegitimate children by depriving them of an equal opportunity to own a biological parent's properties. True, it isn't any child's fault that he is born. And true, just because he is born outside of wedlock does not make him any less his father or mother's child.

My boss, however, is of the opinion that illegitimate children shouldn't take away from what is already conjugal property. After all, all accummulated wealth and properties become conjugal property (and to hell with pre-nups which can easily be contested if you have the money/connection to get a brilliant lawyer or move a judge/jury) and the rightful heir to all these are the spouse and children left within the marriage.

Bothered enough that I do not have a definite stand, I tried discussing it with my friends. See, it's easy to feel that giving equal percentage to children other than your own is a betrayal of you and your own kids, if you're the wife. I believe that your wealth is part of the commitment you bring/surrender into a marriage and it should stay there. It would also be natural and logical for me to look out for the interests and advantage of my young.

Then again, if i'm the mistress or the illegitimate child, i'd also feel bad that illegitimate kids, thru no fault of theirs, would be shortchanged so, just because of the nature/circumstances of their birth. Whatever happened to playing FAIR?

But seeing as I am not an illegitimate child and hope to be a wife and mother, I can already imagine the pain i'd feel if i'd have to watch my kids share their inheritance equally with some other woman's kids. (not that i probably haven't left my husband already..). I also wonder if men would still be as gracious to illegitimate children if it's the woman who had kids previous or outside of the marriage and luckily enough was a career woman who was able to horde her own money and properties.

Not that it will affect the law, but having given the matter much thought, I do propose the following:
ALL KIDS BORN PREVIOUS TO THE MARRIAGE, AND ALL KIDS BORN WITHIN THE MARRIAGE SHOULD SHARE THE INHERITANCE EQUALLY. HOWEVER, ALL KIDS BORN OUTSIDE OF AND FOLLOWING THE MARRIAGE WOULD BE ENTITLED TO ONLY HALF OF WHAT THEIR LEGITIMATE BROTHERS AND SISTERS WILL GET.

I think this is the best formula for not unduly grieving the 1) women who set you free to get married to someone else and raised your kid/s alone, 2) wife/spouse who committed to growing old with you, and 3) the kids you sired within the marriage who bear your name and should enjoy a lot of things from you because it's their RIGHT.

I also feel that this should discourage people to have extra-marital affairs (I may need to talk about women mostly, those young, impressionable ones who cannot let go of your mature, gentle, established, financially-stable, sexually-practiced husband...) and to have kids with someone not married to them (worse, someone who's married to someone else). I'm sorry but I also feel that such women should be punished by giving birth to kids who cannot share the extent of what he's entitled from a parent because of his parents' HURTFUL, SELFISH CHOICES.

Remember that a cousin is living with us who has 4 other siblings, all of them the 2nd family of her father? I know that it's already hard being in their place... but being right is doing right, and i'd really like for our society to give the right people what's due them... and in this case, respect and first priority for the FIRST FAMILY.That's why we have laws. That's why marriage is the greatest legal transaction one will be making in his lifetime.

And yes, sometimes, respect has to be translated into material things. Because it's not so much the worth of what one is getting, but the principle as to how and why he's getting it.

BROUGHT BACK TO HIGH SCHOOL

The last year of High School found me in a group of 4 girls. Nariz was always the happy, oblivious one who never dated anyone from school... and who had this history of possession when we were in 1st year... so nobody really bothered with her except us. She's closest to Jaymie, this Arabian-beauty who was conservative, gentle, very lady-like, very prim... Then there's my bestfriend Lota, also a crush-ng-bayan with her luscious beauty and childlike charm. And then there's me, a pimply girl struggling with her temper (to which Lota found the best defense... she'd keep quiet when am throwing a tantrum but reprimand me in letters which humbles me enough to apologize and thank her for her patience).

Yes, I was easily the smartest and the most empowered. But imagine having to walk the halls with two beauties (actually Nariz was also pretty, only Lota and Jaymie were both white-complexioned so they stereotypically get more votes) in high school. Imagine having boys sending them love letters and flowers all the time. Imagine having your bestfriend tell you about being insecure of Jaymie, who commanded attention like girls do in commercials... really cute boys would do more than a double-take for her, everywhere... and hating the fact that boys would only notice her after finding out that Jaymie is aloof (worse, imagine guys you're interested in only giving you the time of day because they feel that they're not good enough for Jaymie). And me, I was always just left dumbfounded... how do i react to the competition when firstly, they're my friends, and secondly, I was already aware of what beauty I do and do not possess?

Am sure there were moments of insecurity on my part too. Then again, being aware early on that I wasn't genetically-gifted that way and not really keen on the idea of having guys attracted to me because of my looks, I was never really bothered by this aspect.

Fast forward to 8 years and beyond from high school. I heard Nariz is already married. Jaymie has jumped from one relationship to another between just two guys, both of which only kept being unfaithful to her. I'm not sure how she is now. Lota has just last night gone berserk at learning that I actually hope to get married someday... having played mistress (using the term loosely) for a while to different married men and also having declared that the worse karma for her would be to get married herself. Lota has also dated and slept with the greatest crush of my life, which has made me feel wistful at most. He was, after all, one of her admirers in 2nd year, even before I met him in 3rd year. And it just saddens me to know that the boy I was crazy for grew up to be a man I cannot really deem respectable... gaining so much weight, dropping from one university to another, drinking his nights away, and being too rough a sex partner. Worse, my bestfriend has been avoiding him for months, seemingly scared, because he wants to impregnate her.

And me, I was riding a jeepney for home last Thursday when I realized that the man in front of me who is secretly checking me out is Carlswell, one of Lota's former crushes. Since I was sick and wearing my uniform, I was in no mood to even smile at him, not that we were really ever introduced. But I know he knew who Lota was, and of course wondered if he recognized me as someone he used to go to high school with. And so we spent the ride home surreptitiously glancing at each other. I even saw him really stare after me after i've gotten off the jeep.

So, I texted Lota about the weird encounter with her former crush. And she replies with this:
"Si Carlswell? How can i forget him, he used to reply to my notes pala kasi he thought I was Jaymie!"

:)