MEComposing

Since I was never pretty nor rich, much of what I could be snobbish about was brains. And for a while, I was one of those who routinely laughed and even sometimes felt that I was a better person because I knew how to speak English fluently. I was/am arrogant in other ways but bad grammar has been one of my bigger pet peeves. I also had very superficial standards for dignity and intelligence.

But fortunately for me, I am growing up. I am knowing better.

It certainly didn't happen overnight.

But then I found THE BERKS. They are blogger friends who are generally older than me, who routinely share their own life experiences with me. Those abroad are always quick to say that even Filipinos are racist and snobbish. They are quick to remind me of the true value of hard work and dignity and what to really be proud of about being Filipino.

And then my parents became caregivers and gardeners. When the petition for them finally came through, my Mom decided to leave her long career in the government (where she was a Personnel Manager already) and my Dad decided to leave his properties here to build a life abroad for my sister, and in time, my brother. My parents have never shunned manual work and were always industrious, but when they started working what I have always thought of silently as 'menial' jobs, it was only then that I realized how stupid I've been, and how noble they truly are. It was a shift in perspective but I now really, really regret having been scared to be mistaken for a domestic helper that one time I went to HongKong (when a man was asking all Pinays who will be DH to fall in a separate line at the migration desk). I was ashamed to be ashamed then, especially since I was not even asked if I was one by anybody, but I am now ashamed for not fully realizing then just how much sacrifice those women are giving to this country.

And then there's my husband. I graduated cum laude while he dropped from college and was still a student when we met. I can out-English him but heaven knows I will never earn as much as he is earning now. Heck, when I quit my job, he was already earning times 2.5 of my salary. He has a more logical, rational mind. And he's simply brilliant with computers. I can't even set up my son's bike, and plugging the right plugs in my PC is as techie as I got. How dare I, then, to think that big words necessarily equate to intelligence?

And well, I am a Mom now. If I didn't appreciate Multiple Intelligence and Learning Styles when I was studying Psychology all those years ago, I certainly do now. I didn't have to have a special needs child to appreciate the fact that each child is different and will learn differently. I cannot expect my kids to all grow up brilliant, but I am at pains making sure they'd grow up productive and happy. It's listening to a child's grammatical mistakes that makes me laugh less at an adult's mistakes. Weird, isn't it?

And then there's the Deaf, who will always find it hard to be grammatically fluent. Being welcomed into their world has also made me appreciate more just how we offer different abilities and perspectives to the world, so it really is silly to expect brilliance in just one way.

*~*

A childhood friend, who was usually referred to as gay-looking, and who was really so slow at school went caregiving in Canada and found herself an older Canadian man to marry. She's now very happy, living well, with two healthy kids and a husband who peppers her Friendster and Facebook pages with mushy, cheesy whatevers.

So now, when I see 'exotic' looking Pinays with foreigners at the mall... I also don't feel bad for them. If fellow Pinoys find them ugly, then it's certainly great that other guys found them appealing. Plus, these men are helping their families have better lives. Because of these men, more people are able to study. And hopefully, their mixed race kids will grow up enlightened about discrimination and prejudice because they have the best of both worlds.

I just hope they're all treating each other well.

*~*

So now, my only pet peeve is really text speak when it comes to grammar. And when I see poorly-constructed sentences, I don't think about that person being dumb.

Koreans, Chinese and Japanese all don't treat good English as a sign of excellence. Usually, they only learn it if it will serve their business well. Even Europeans are very forgiving about English mistakes. So I now really don't see why Filipinos should fuss so much.

Just for the record, I condemn the Ampatuan / Maguindanao Massacre. It is senseless killing of unimaginable implications. The tragedy is not the massacre per se, but that it happened in our country in this day and age.

It's even more offensive because people died saving lives during Ondoy... but there, in a place the governement doesn't really get to monitor, away from Manila's prying eyes, these atrocities are the norm.

I said somewhere that maybe it's a blessing in disguise that the killers killed so many journalists. Maybe this time, fear for their own lives, offense for their own kind, will drive the press to never let this story get buried.

I also hope that the Muslims will rise together and bring the peace that should be theirs to their land. It's not that am blaming them, but they are equally culpable. Same way that I can't blame Filipinos abroad who are, right now, ashamed of being Filipinos because of this tragedy.

We elected our officers. We allow them to cheat. We have great laws but allow people to give us rice or money so they could abuse or deny these laws. We choose to believe in advertisements and propaganda and promises instead of reacting to what is actually happening. We allow people to steal from us. We steal ourselves.

So one way or the other, we allowed those people to be killed. Shame on us, indeed.

I knew that CSB had deaf students from my ex-boyfriend, who was once a guidance counselor there. He had to learn a little sign language then. What I didn't know was that CSB was actually holding sign language classes wherein non-CSB students are welcome to learn.

So anyway, it's Deaf Festival there last week, and CSB was celebrating 15 years of its Deaf programme. I was humbled by the cultural show. Imagine deaf people dancing! Plus, it was an altogether new experience watching emcees signing as they introduced numbers, most of the spectators quiet (being deaf themselves), and just marveling at the depth of emotion in the interpretative dances and skits.

gay deaf students dancing to SINGLE LADIES


students dancing to KRAZZY


for me, the star of the show! (he was emcee and in at least
4 dance numbers!)


FSL students and teachers


Mr. Takashi Shozaki is a deaf actor who was absolutely
brilliant! He had everyone laughing, even the hearing.
It was amazing since they were showing a clip of his movie
and then, there he was, on stage!


deaf students flying high


with my FSL classmates and prof

I hear about 90% of the deaf population in CSB are on scholarship and it is a struggle for them after graduation to get hired. I really hope more can be done for the Deaf to be integrated into society and to have equal opportunities as the rest of us. Maybe not the same opportunities but equal nonetheless in terms of pay and value.

And I really am happy am getting to know some deaf people. They have a culture all their own and are less critical and more open than us hearing folks. Plus, I am amazed at the level of enthusiasm and self-expression the deaf students of CSB have. I'm getting redundant here but it's really, really amazing just being welcomed into their world.

*~*

Allow me to leave you with a link to quotes from Helen Keller, one who used deafness and blindness to open possibilities for others like her.

Everybody has probably seen the footage of Jinkee crying at the Thanksgiving Mass held for Manny's win, where she turned instead to a friend and brushed her husband's hand away.

And then there's Manny's plea for people to mind their own business and concentrate on his win instead of wondering about whether he is having an affair with Krista or not. In a way, it may really feel unfair for him, after having secured such a glorious honor for the country, to be now embroiled in vicious gossip. But what was that quote that goes something like, "No Amount Of Success Can Compensate For Failure in the Home" ... and affair or not, Manny's home has made a lot of sacrifices to support Manny's pursuit of his passion and glory for the country. So it must really be offensive to Jinkee to have the rumored mistress so near at a time when she alone should be the woman with her husband. It's her duty and privilege. And the game is so public. What shame indeed!

And how dare Krista invoke her right to support Manny, a fellow Pinoy and friend, if ever, when Manny's family's honor is at stake. How dare their handlers make light of the situation and not consider how inconsiderate it must be for the legal wife.

There is that slim chance that Manny is really not having an affair with Krista, that this is all some sick propaganda that they do not really 'kill' to boost support for their movie. But that is Manny's sin to his wife... that he defends Krista's honor and his, but not his wife's.

So Jinkee had a right to the tears, regardless of how much, or little, love there is in their marriage. After all, Manny owes her respect above everyone else, including Mommy D.

I told my father that we went swimming last, last weekend and he replied with something like "Buti pa kayo, pa-swimming swimming na lang samantalang yung iba, na-bagyo... anyway, ingat, love Dad"

And then last Friday, while chatting with my sis, she asked me a curious question, "who planned the swimming party?" So I asked her why she was asking and asked her if Dad made the above comments to her as well. She was surprised I knew. She just said something like, "you know naman our elders" :D

Frankly, I wasn't bothered by it at all. Like what I told my sis, and not because I was defensive, we moved the date of the swimming gig because we didn't want to be disrespectful of typhoon victims, aside from not wanting to do it in the midst of a storm also. Plus, I gave away sooo many clothes, stuff, money and time for the victims. I knew I had done my part and had a right to celebrate my, my son's and my husband's birthdays.

But this is particularly telling of how my Dad is. Family bonding time for him is us going to Lipa to visit him, or us staying home and maybe sitting together in front of the TV, or maybe even forcing small talk during dinner. He's been all over the world but never thought to bring his own family anywhere. We never took trips. So his view of say, who I am, is limited to what he's perceived of me as a daughter... he has much to know about me as a person.

It is a movie that's creating buzz abroad right now. I believe it hasn't been shown here yet (which is probably why nobody's talking about it with me on Plurk and FB). Anyway, we watched it at my MIL's living room last Sunday, with all the lights closed.

It's reminiscent of Blair Witch Project without the gagging that will ensue from all the crazy camera movements.

Of course, like with almost all horror-suspense movies, it's a little anticlimactic but I really liked this one. I especially love the staring for hours or rocking for hours and the ending.

Did I give much away? I didn't right? :)

By Corazon C. Aquino
Philippine Daily Inquirer
First Posted 03:41:00 07/10/2009

Almighty God, most merciful Father
You alone know the time
You alone know the hour
You alone know the moment
When I shall breathe my last.

So, remind me each day,
most loving Father
To be the best that I can be.
To be humble, to be kind,
To be patient, to be true.
To embrace what is good,
To reject what is evil,
To adore only You.

When the final moment does come
Let not my loved ones grieve for long.
Let them comfort each other
And let them know
how much happiness
They brought into my life.
Let them pray for me,
As I will continue to pray for them,
Hoping that they will always pray
for each other.

Let them know that they made possible
Whatever good I offered to our world.
And let them realize that our separation
Is just for a short while
As we prepare for our reunion in eternity.

Our Father in heaven,
You alone are my hope.
You alone are my salvation.
Thank you for your unconditional love, Amen.

I am hoping my time is not anytime soon. And I really hope that whenever it comes, people I leave behind will know I loved, and therefore lived.

In the meantime, I am one with the world as we all celebrate the lives of those who have left us behind.