MEComposing

Let me see...

I went to kindergarten and prep school. That's one teacher per year (were we fewer then or are kids just more unmanageable now?).

Then Elementary. Let's just say 6 teachers per year (although I think I graduated in 6th grade with more than 8 subjects).

Then High School. Say, 8 teachers per year. Roughly.

Then college. Say another 8 professors per sem.

So generally, a Filipino student goes through 130-150 teachers all in all.

How many of these teachers will actually TOUCH your life? How many will serve as a helping hand when you're at the end of your rope? How many will really inspire you to do great things? How many of them will make you realize how truly beautiful and unique you are?

I remember a lot of teachers.

Teachers who were bullies.
Teachers who played favorites.
Teachers who had humongous boobs.
Teachers who were pushovers.
Teachers who had bad grammar.
The teacher you hit with a flying polvoron.
The teacher your class walked out on.
The teacher who looked like your parrot.
The teacher who can teach very efficiently in both perfect English and perfect Tagalog.
The teacher who gave you another chance.
The teacher you disappointed.
The teacher who hit your palms with a ruler.
The teacher who died of cancer.

But there's only one or two that I really loved, and would be forever grateful for.

Dr. Mancao (forgive me, Ma'am, I have forgotten your first name) was my professor in Theories of Personality in college. She made us write reflection papers for each personality theory studied (how that theory could explain our own personalities). Sometimes tho, we couldn't help but rant in the papers we submit.

You'd love her. She actually reads your paper. Not only does she correct your grammar, she also reacts to your thoughts. With smileys, with questions, with rebuttals, with caring words, with words of wisdom.

When I say something about how feelings can be misleading, she'd remind me that feelings can also be revealing.

When I submit 10 pages of my interpretation of Freud's "goal of life is death" and what I believe "penis envy" really is, she'd be quick to thank me for raising points she has never considered before.

And once, in the midst of adolescent wandering, she wrote this:
LET NOT THE SILENCE OF ANSWERS PULL YOU DOWN

Sigh. I still labor over rhetorical, irrational, stupid, self-serving questions sometimes, Ma'am. There are still moments when I ache for explanations to help me deal with frustrations, with injustices, with pain.

But at least I realized then that I don't always need answers.

I have saved all the papers you made us do. And the wisdowm and grace that has always emanated from you has continued to save me.

*~*

We are preempting Halloween. Join me and my BlogBerks as we swap ghost stories.

*~*

An advance birthday gift that really touched me is getting to be chosen as BLOG OF THE WEEK. So thank you to all those who regularly visit me here, even those who are just after naughty pictures and sensual/sexual tips.

Thanks to PINOYBLOG and the Sassy Lawyer.

I know of a woman who would have made a great mother because she's one of the gentlest souls there is. However, life deemed it best to let her be born without a uterus.

Did she turn out gentle because of that 'incapacity'? Maybe. Or maybe not.

But I still believe she'd have made a great mother.

And yes, because of decisions she's made, and probably some luck, she's living a wonderful life with her husband. They both love kids and adore their nieces and nephews so.

*~*

One other very endearing woman I know is fertile enough. Nothing is wrong with her reproductive system.

But something is not exactly right with her heart... making it very risky for her to get pregnant.

I know she wants kids, and would have also made a wonderfully lukring Mom, and her partner wants her alive.

And yes, she's living a full life.

*~*

There is a woman i've recently 'met'. Nothing was also wrong with her reproductive system. But the son that Life gave her, Life also took away from her. The child died when he was just 2 or 3 yrs. old from some heart ailment.

Imagine the pain of being a mother to someone already dead.

And yes, there was ANGUISH and DESPAIR.

And questions nobody could really answer.

But Life really works in mysterious ways. She's now mothering her adopted 16-year old son wonderfully. The leaps and bounds of caring for a toddler, and then a teenager, is overwhelming enough but the courage to be a mother has always been with her.

And yes, she may forever mourn the son she lost, but Life also goes on for her and her living son.

*~*

One of my best friends was born without a vaginal hole. She found out the hard way... her period couldn't come out so she was getting sick and her belly just kept getting all the more painful. An Ob Gyne guessed right and my friend was operated on.

She led a basically normal life after that. Her Ob Gyne's only request is that she come in for a check-up every year, and that my friend have all the kids she wants by 35.

My friend had to undergo treatment for myoma at age 28 or so.

She got married at age 30.

Now at age 31, she has polycystic ovaries and is generally having trouble conceiving.

*~*

Once upon a time, my boss dabbled in pre-marital sex with her then bf. One hit wonder of wonders, she got pregnant from one mating. She was 18.

They finished college, got their degrees and licenses and got married at age 22.

They later on had 2 more kids (2 boys, 2 consecutive years).

Then last year, they had another girl.

And she's expecting to give birth again May next year. yes, to their 5th child. And she's only 31 years old.

*~*

In fact, 4 of my colleagues became mothers the moment they gave up their virginity.

And one of my colleagues has one child and miscarried 3 times.

*~*

One other bestfriend suddenly found herself being probed and checked by an Ob Gyne. Her period wouldn't stop and it's been a month.

She was diagnosed to have an 8-cm MYOMA. And she was told it's been cramping her 9.5 something cm uterus. She has to have it operated on asap before it could do more damage. True enough, she's been severely anemic these days because the bleeding wouldn't stop. Unless she takes Hemostan like they're multi-vitamins.

It only showed symptoms around 2 months ago.

And I don't know why her operation would be BLOODY (is it like that for cysts?) but she's also taking Iron pills right now. And we've delegated JRA to stand by for blood donation since they're both Type O.

To say am worried for her is putting it mildly. Esply if you put in the fact that she's also prone to allergies and she's an epileptic.

*~*

And there's that odds thing. What are the odds that 2 of my bestfriends would have reproductive health problems?

I went to a new Ob last Saturday. So far, the most I have is mild UTI (i've always been plagued by UTI since childhood anyway) and she says she doesn't feel any mass or whatever at all in my belly.

I also had a pap smear/gram stain done. Awaiting results. We just wanted to be sure since I am on the pill and sexually-active.

*~*

Suddenly, fertility has become a personal issue for me.

I have always wanted to be a mother. Yes, I have also always been open to adoption. But I have always wanted to be a mother.

And adoption before was something generous I can do for some stranger's child, not something i'd HAVE to do just to become a Mom.

But suddenly, it occurred to me, I don't really have an idea if i'd be blessed with 'natural sons and daughters'.

Could I still live gracefully even if I can't conceive? Will I rage?

I know that just because a woman could shouldn't automatically mean she would want to get pregnant. But I can almost taste how awful it could be to have always wanted to be a Mom and be unable to be one.

*~*

And in the midst of all these uncertainties and worries, my respect for adoptive parents was strengthened.

And my gratitude for men who stuck by their wives increased.

And hope springs anew to see marriages thriving despite the lack of kids.

And I'd still always pray that women all over the world lead fuller, richer, more inspiring lives, even if they don't become Mothers (by virtue of choice or circumstance).

And i'd still always be amazed that every child indeed is a blessing... that every pregnancy, a miracle. For even the healthiest of couples sometimes cannot conceive.

And i'd always be grateful that JRA seems to be a man who will make a good father and also a good husband, who will stay in-love with me even if I don't become a 'natural Mom'.

*~*

Life has a greater plan. May I learn to bend to its will more willingly and gracefully indeed.

But if it isn't a tall order... healthy twins would be nice :)

But like most parents, i'd settle for healthy, happy children. Of course.

It was worse last week i think, when wedding stress exacerbated an already bad PMS and birthday blues combination.

Then again, i've always been known to be majorly depressed prior to a birthday, and being poor lately doesn't help.

So yes, it's now just birthday blues and wedding stress. But the hormonal and psychological upheaval resulted to a brainstorm:

Consume 7 birthday cakes before my actual birthday! Yey!!!

Of course, this means additional crunch time at the gym.

And heaven help me, my nephew seems to have gotten the idea that a cake is some sort of staple food... for he goes "Hmmpf, ala nang cake" everytime the fridge door is opened and he peeks in and there's no cake there.

And unfortunately for the household, all I really want is caramel or mocha cake, with sugar flowers.

Notice that the brazo de mercedes suddenly sprouted sugar icing and flowers? That's a tell-tale sign of how much I was pouting one Sunday afternoon, and Becky's has run out of cakes, and even Goldilocks Paco has run out of cakes. And they refused to sell just sugar flowers, so JRA came up with the grand idea of having some on the brazo cake instead. And notice the 3rd cake, how it had more sugar flowers?

(oh yeah, I bought the 1st cake, because I was sad nga)

And before leaving for HK, JRA thought it fitting to leave me with a promise that came in the form of half a caramel cake from Becky's. And one good slice of potato almond crunch from the same bakeshop.

And yes, my sister and cousin are already begging me to quit with the mocha cake frenzy. My sis is asking for a chocolate cake for a change, but all I really like to eat is mocha or caramel, or anything non-fruity or chocolatey. Besides, Pyro prefers caramel and mocha too. He doesn't like chocolate much. (and I don't like Red Ribbon's sugar flowers at all, which is why i've been buying from Goldilocks mostly).

And last night, because Py has been channelling my 'depression' and throwing the tantrums for lack of cake, I bought a round of marble cake from Goldilocks (instead of another mocha cake). Well, I drowned in the butter icing and would never buy it again... but I asked my cousin to just save all the icing they also don't like so we can try using it as spread (something I learned that a colleague does) for bread.

And I think am now ready for a choco mallows cake from Red Ribbon (I just learned recently that Jollibee bought Red Ribbon already, and some believe that's the reason for the 'lower quality' of their cakes... could that be the reason why they wiped out the Choco Walnut Mousse Cake? Hmmpf!). This weekend then.

*~*

Meanwhile, I also made Brownies that people loved!

*~*

I have been putting off writing about something... maybe, next week.

*~*

I'm very interested however with Category 5 Rita implying doom for Texans. And to be honest, although I feel for Americans, I also can't help but be grateful that natural tragedies are hounding them instead of Asia.

I mean, we need the reprieve. November will mark the anniversary of the tragedy in Real and Infanta, Quezon. And December 2005 will be the anniversary of Aceh ghost towns.

Anyway, track Rita's path gere.

One of the abominations i've always had to deal with coming from a middle-income family that's residing in Manila is the fact that, when it rains hard, I have to deal with floods.

Yes, there are the mercenary sidecars waiting at the end of our street, eager to ferry pedestrians to their homes. But the fact that they charge preposterously high for the service offends me.

And there's that fact that even if I was spared from walking the length of our street to our home, I'd still have to dip my feet in flood waters in order to enter our compound.

Unless of course the sidecar driver would carry me.

And yes, we actually have boots at home and I could easily instruct our helper to fetch me and bring me boots. And she could wear boots too. But it's such a hassle to get someone else wet from the rain.

And what if she didn't wear boots, and didn't wash up well... she'd be another one contaminating the house with germs from floodwaters.

Because there are germs!

One upside of the heavy rains is that the humongous, cat-sized rats of our streets have been coming out of their burrows and hiding places, and getting accidentally run over by cars and pedicabs.

But the horrific downside is, you know their mangled, squashed bodies have been contaminating the flood waters.

Yuck.

(When I was younger, our canals weren't this dirty... and it was not this icky. And I can't help but really appreciate JRA for loving me so much, and suffering from several walks through flood himself, just to see me... he, who grew up in BFRV where he never had to deal with such...)

*~*

On a naughtier note, I can't help but remember when I was first dabbling in the arts of carnal pleasure.

Sure, it was fun and pleasurable and all kinds of non-regrettable.

BUT...

I was amazed at how super WET i'd get... how I could literally WET the bed with my 'natural lubricant' (my PJ). It was horrible to see huge spots of wetness resulting to me and my partner contorting our bodies to avoid those dang wet spots while resting.

It always felt like I peed. Ugh.

And it took a long time before I was able to embrace that aspect of my sexuality, and even be grateful that I need not resort to using KY jellies and the like to ensure I won't get utterly sore after.

And I'd also like to thank the men who have shared my bed (all 437 of them... nyahaha, joke!) who didn't get turned off and who assured me in all the times I wasn't comfortable yet with my wetness.

*~*

I look forward to really enjoying my bed this weekend. Finally, I can sleep till 12 again!!!

Of course, being Pinoy, i prayed hard that Manny Pacquiao will win. And he did!!! And I was envious of all the SM Cinemagoers who cheered together for him. Next time, i'd shell out the P200 for this communal gathering of supporters for someone who continues to give hope (if not entertainment) to the Filipino people.

Add the fact that i've always liked Manny for remaining a simple man...

And thank heavens he made sure to wear Darlington socks to the match! :D

*~*

I didn't text to vote for Franzen to stay (and what, invite all those unwanted text promos Smart sends to its subscribers and then automatically deducts from your load? They can deny this abusive marketing strategy all they want but they can never fool me!) but I was really hoping he would.

And if the stats ABS-CBN showed were true... 79% of the voters voted for him to stay!!!

And yes, am a Pinoy Big Brother fan .

It's just fun to see non-actors entertain you with the superficialities of their lives highlighted and made harder by the fact that they have to live with 11 other strangers in the same house (as opposed to new/current faces posing as 'actors' and 'talented people' giving you mediocre performances and challenging your 'stupidity' tolerance). It's also entertaining to see how typical girls act like typical girls... and how typical boys react typically. La lang.

And yes, they generally don't appear intelligent... but I think it's stupid to assume that they all lack depth too.

My fave is Nene because she's weird. And last nomination round, she alone cast the intelligent vote.

But going back to Franzen, I really hope that this guy, who, so far has remained nice and kind enough, will win in the end.

Am sure he's not milking his poverty and abusing the Filipino's kindness... he IS poor.

And I trust media people to give him offers, even just for sidekick stints, once he leaves the house.

And yes, it was nice somehow to be validated that the Filipino people will come to the rescue of the poor, downtrodden, disadvantaged guy.

*~*

Am not a fan, but of course am hoping MiG Ayesa will win at the Rockstar: INXS contest.

Love his version of "baby i love your way" with Jordis and Marty (his solo version didn't interest me much because i think it's only queen who should be wailing in their songs).

Oh yeah, FEEL FREE TO READ HIS BLOG HERE.

*~*

By the way, hindi lang ako ang delisyus!!!

holding you close in my arms
my face nestled in your neck
breathing that sweet scent
i always seek and long for
i hum the song usually played
in debuts and coming out parties
when a girl is introduced
to society as a lady
and we danced and you just listened
just quietly holding my hand
in yours

and then i set you back
down on the floor
and you continued twirling around
now humming the song
i was singing before
and you looked up, beaming
and i knelt to hug you
full of pride at how easily
you master melodies
and yet filled with sadness somehow
for there's no turning back
our baby is now a little boy

and soon, there won't be Auntie Mec
around everyday
to bring you cake and donuts
and soon, I'd just have to ask
for updates and what you
are currently up to
of course, there will be no goodbyes
i just hope you remain
the sweet, non-temperamental child
i've helped raise
and i hope you'd be a good role model
to future siblings and cousins

and yes,
we loved you first.

- our Pyro is two years and two months old.

Last night, when I arrived home ladden with groceries, he was the first to go over the plastic bags, exclaiming over the noodles and milk.

I wanted to try the Yakisoba Spicy Gambas and was cooking it, and here comes Py with my box of pantiliners... "Tita, luto na to, luto na to!" while trying to put the box on the stove top.

*~*

The other day, I was being overly noisy because we ran out of Nido Powdered Milk, and I was berating my sis for not having our Dad buy me some milk.

Then here comes a tug on my shorts, and Py sets his multi-layered milk container (you know that stackable one you fill w/ milk and bring along with you on trips?) on the dining table for me... and leaves.

*~*

The weird little tyke loved the Spicy Gambas noodles. He also loved Liswik

*~*

At last, a new template that am happy about :)

Meanwhile, i'm addicted to the PINOY AKO (by Orange n Lemons) song, been playing it all day. E-mail me for the mp3...bwahaha. But really, it's nice and easy to the ears.

Parang naglalambing sayo...

Thanks to Sassy for featuring Blogkadahan at Pinoyblog as BLOG OF THE WEEK.

:)

My friends are tackling a more serious topic as they write about things they'd focus on if they were President... of course, they'll probably never even be a public servant, but it's nice to see different people with different backgrounds talk about the things they feel will propel the country into growth and development.

Can you say "OUCH!" ?

My trips to the allergologist at MaDocs has been mostly interesting... where else can you find a 74-year old allergologist who's had cancer for 17 years now and who is walking around with a Total IgE of 2,500 KU/L (the normal level is 25).

Yes, I know a lot about his allergies too... like how he can't even eat rice...

And yes, I was kinda baffled and wary before if he could really do something for me.

As it happened, I now know that my IgE is 125.

And because of the blasted skin test I took this afternoon, I now have a clearer view of what triggers my allergic rhinitis when I go to provinces.

In fact, I even had a mild throat and facial irritation because of the skin test.

And now... my arms are still sore. Getting pricked (of sorts) 80 times isn't a nice way to spend an afternoon... by the time the assistant got near my wrist, I was already pinching myself and blowing at the skin nearest my elbow.

And it looks like these reactions to the allergens won't subside till later :(

Or will they be like ant bites and turn dark after?

Wahhhh...

Good thing the doctors (Immunologist and Allergologist) didn't dwell too much on the fact that I also have contact dermamtitis and convinced me to get patch tests. The medical expense is already killing me as it is!

It's enough to know that I can't wear fancy jewelry (even watches) and I have to stay clear of other metal (like belt buckles and hooks and even bag accessories) and I can't get another henna tattoo again (more so, a real tattoo... heck even get my hair dyed).

And i'd have to go back before I give birth someday... to determine what drugs may be used on me (since I get more intense angioedema from drugs).

Heck, i've had 3 visits there in 2 weeks... one more visit and i'd be establishing a peer group w/ the other patients already!