to all the guys...

9:01 AM Friday, December 23, 2005

... i've really loved before...

and who, in a way, i always will

the guys i was able to imagine a forever with

and who, i somehow care for still

you were my first Baby, you were my first true love
you were the first guy to ever make me feel special
and worthy of love
you were the one who broke my expected reality
of growing old alone
(you know, i didn't know if i'd be a wife
but i've always known i'd be a mom)
you were also the first
to really break my heart
and my spirit
you taught me a lot about love
and pain
and letting go
and moving on
and now am happy
that we're friends again
see you on my wedding day
with your beloved wife
who is my friend again, too

i was your darling
i was your dearest
i still somehow believe
that we're soulmates
i never knew anyone i felt such affinity for
despite our differences
it's both eerie and magical
and then, of course, tragic
i'm not sure if we'd ever have closure
seeing as we never talked
and there are regrets
i'm not sure if we'd ever be friends again
seeing as there were bridges burned
and we both really haven't changed
but know what, you made me realize how brave i can be
for love
for you, whom i loved
and if ever you'd pass by
if ever you'd know it's you
hurt me not for the last time
be happy instead, be brave as i was
and be braver

words left unsaid
may spare a person pain
and yet, words that were unsaid
usually means feelings were unexpressed
i made the mistake of dreaming dreams
and scheming schemes
involving 'you', 'me' and 'forever'
but i kept it to myself
believing it will never be welcome
the weirdest thing was
all i had to do was ask
the crazier thing is
all you had to do was ask too...
and so it ended that
we'd never dance together in this life
for nobody took the first step


after all is said and done
after all the feelings felt
all the songs sung and played
the words said and un-said
i know i can still say
i'm happy with my choice
i am not with someone as a failsafe
to growing old alone
i am with him
because i love him
and he loves me
and because i can allow him to be him
and he allows me to be me
yes, i'd always care for A, B, and C
they colored my life
and made it more meaningful
for a time
they were my beloved for a reason
for a season
and i'd always be grateful they were
temporary witnesses to my life
and i hope someday
they'll learn as much as i have
and be at peace as much as i am
and have as much courage and hope as i do
(A actually is already there)
so they'd be happy as much
as i expect to be


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