Helping by not Helping

4:21 PM Wednesday, January 27, 2010

I was trying to look for an adoptive family for a friend's brother's crack baby. And yes, we've talked about how we'd just have the adoptive family pay the hospital bills and just 'sign for the child' so that there'd be an instant birth certificate with the child bearing his adoptive family's name already.

In fairness to me, my heart IS in the right place. But my wits weren't. It was not really the best solution to the problem and I realize that now after talking to Ms. Matet of Norfil Foundation.

I forgot that the biological parents CAN still go after the child even if the child already bears his adoptive family's name. And the adoptive family can be sued for falsification of documents and simulation of birth.

I forgot that the adoptive family's kin, even the adoptive parents themselves, CAN contest any rights due to the child because he was not adopted legally.

I forgot that, since the child is a crack baby, the adoptive parents may change their minds and CAN still return the baby.

I was too focused on the short term (having parents to pay for the pre-natal checkups and the delivery, and getting the baby away from its irresponsible, unfit parents) that I forgot that this is a child whose rights need to be protected.

Well, if my friend's family are still up for it, Norfil can get the baby from them after the birth. Norfil will have them officially give the baby up and the baby will be placed in a foster home while adoption is taking place. Usually, newborns and baby girls are placed faster than others. But generally, a baby is officially adopted within a year or two (longer if foreigner adoptive parents). Meanwhile, the DSWD monitors the baby's wellbeing with its foster family. Plus, because the baby is not placed in an institution, it is better cared for and grows up in a fairly loving atmosphere.

Now, I just hope my friend's family takes this kind of help... and I am truly sorry for wanting to help them the wrong way.

And God, I really hope this baby will grow up in a better home.


  1. So difficult to be in your position, Mec. Gusto mo tumulong pero parang kahit anong maisip mo, parang di pa rin ok.

    Hope the baby will be okay.


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