3:20 PM Thursday, October 13, 2005

One can always contend that one is never without the capacity to do something.

But I sure feel helpless right now.

Helpless because I'm in the office and was not the one who talked to Pyro's doctor and was not able to grill him with questions.

Helpless because the lab and the doctors at PCMC have been on Pyro's case for a week now and all we can get are "initial findings", sometimes giving us hope (yesterday, negative biopsy findings, possible tuberculoma), sometimes making us feel hopeless (today, malignant tumor).

Helpless because the dang DOH site and Philippine Cancer Society couldn't be bothered to really update their websites with more current information and statistics.

Helpless because if it's really lung cancer, I have yet to find a site in the internet that will tell me it's NOT the Number 1 Cancer killer all over the world, and we've already been in limbo for ten days, we may be running out of precious time.

Helpless because I can't find any articles about lung cancer in children that seem to answer my questions, except they all say that second-hand smoking is the usual cause (aside from asbestos inhalation).

And I wonder, IF it's really lung cancer, could it be possible that all this is the result of his mother being a 2ndhand smoker because she used to frequent bars as a singer in a band... well into her pregnancy?

My colleagues at work tell me they're impressed (or confused) with my seemingly COOL and CALM attitude towards this... but am so very far from that.

All I know right now is that Pyro is a child we love very much.


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