10:22 PM Tuesday, November 29, 2005


defined by as:

1) A sense of one's own proper dignity or value; self-respect.
2) Pleasure or satisfaction taken in an achievement, possession, or association
3) An excessively high opinion of oneself; conceit.


As a child, I grew up watching my Dad governed by this, and sometimes negatively.

Worse, I acknowledged very early in life that my Dad and I are too much alike where PRIDE is concerned, esply with regards our baser motivations.


There was once this CHARMED episode where the sisters and Leo were consumed by one of the 7 deadly sins each.

Leo became a sloth. Phoebe became uber carnal. Piper got real greedy.

And Prue kept making 'sacrifices' and 'big decisions'.

Only, she was making them with PRIDE, ergo, no sacrifice was sacrifice because it was self-serving in that she was indirectly affirming herself. She was being good, look, see... bravo!


I've wondered many times if having a sense of responsibility generally comes with being the eldest. And being female.

And certain theories of personality seem to support that idea... attributing a greater sense of responsibility to the eldests, who were generally asked to grow up for their younger sibling/s, thereby also growing up to be more neurotic...

And a sense of responsibility may just be the manifestation of a female's baser longing to be secure... who really can tell.


Pride has went before many of my falls. Usually, it's the general folly of believing myself exempt from the laws of nature, and human nature... turning a blind eye even when there are already warning signs and sirens ringing...

But sometimes I also wonder, how much of my life has been motivated by false/negative pride?

How much of the good i've done and chosen was done and chosen because I really wanted it for myself, and I really believed it was good... and how much was fuelled by the nasty desire to just look better than other people? To be able to say I was above whatever?

Someone once said that shame and honor are just two sides of the same coin... what about pride? Is it just the other side of dignity and integrity?

And when someone tells you that you're a fake, only doing good to lord it over others... and you hurt... do you hurt because he got it right? or because he was so wrong?


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