another trying July

1:53 PM Friday, July 20, 2007

I miss those years when all i'd rant about is going broke because of all the birthdays we need to celebrate at home.

Things have changed a lot, and none of them good.

Mom is in the US. I think this is her third birthday away from us, her kids.

My cousin's birthday was yesterday. But ever since April this year, we haven't really been in the best of terms. And I just got upset with her yesterday because she didn't tell me she'd be going someplace, and I felt like a fool trying to get home asap to enjoy dinner with her. Add to that the fact that she also left me all alone the other day without informing me, eh I was still recovering from my recent hospitalization. And because I just got discharged last Monday, i'm both broke and exhausted to make plans to celebrate.

And I am still pregnant, after all.

Worse, yesterday was also my uncle's first death anniversary. He's the first sibling lost in my father's family of 11, and the other 10 are all in the US. The last sibling to join them there left just last weekend. It's weird not having an 'elder' to turn to, eventhough we (my siblings, cousins and I that are left here) are all actually adults now (most with our own families, even).

And because I and hubs used up a lot of absences again when I was hospitalized, we couldn't join my cousins in Lipa to honor my uncle's memory... and help out in the padasal.

And then, of course, there are the crying jags over Pyro's birthday... tomorrow. Pregnancy hormones don't help me get my grief in check... i'm just a weepy mess again, and everything was aggravated by my confinement. Morbid thoughts haunt me. Sadness overwhelms even my siblings.

Py's Mom is turning 30 on the 29th too... but like when my brother had his birthday last June, I doubt she won't feel the void left by the loss of their son... their only child.

It was also just this month that we confirmed that we're having a boy... and where my hubs' family is thrilled to the core about another child carrying the family name... my family is very much conflicted.

And the saga that is Harry Potter is also ending tomorrow, with the release of the seventh book (which i'll get to read at night pa because we'd honor Py's memory muna... tsk, that boy knew Harry Potter!)

Ok, ok... am making everything sad. Tsk.

True, it's not like I don't have a family still. Our clan remains a big one. My other nieces and nephews are thriving and noisy... the youngest of which was born last June 29 (day before her Dad's birthday). Baby Alyssa Denise had some medical problems in her first two weeks in this world but she's recovered and in the pink of health now. It took her parents some seven years to come up with her (thus, the jealousy her Kuya is feeling towards her arrival, hehe).

Sigh. Soon, our very own Yakee will join her in being the youngest of the next generation...

And maybe, next year, the month of July won't be such a sad, trying one.


Post a Comment