MEComposing

I feasted on powdered milk and sugar yet again three nights ago. The following morning, I woke up to sore throat. The sugar must have irritated my tonsils. And unortunately for me, the sprayer of my Ilog Maria throat spray refuses to work.

And then I must have caught some flu bug because my tonsils just throbbed all the more, and I started feeling sick and sore all over. I also had minor cramping in the stomach. Anyway, I went to an ENT for antiiotic prescription because I was really feeling bad already (and twas painful to swallow anything). He commented on the fact that I just had tonsillitis last February and that I should consider a tonsillectomy already if it occurs anytime this year again.

The truth is, all ENTs have suggested the same to me for the past decade or so. It's not that i'd have tonsillitis all the time, but my tonsils ARE huge already (right now, it feels like i'm choking on them). But I am of course hesitant to go through a surgery, however minor, since it IS still surgery. There is no going back from it.

Plus, we've noticed that my Mom's voice changed and she seems to always be running out of saliva when she's talking after she had a tonsillectomy done. So my sister is understandably against it. But of course, am trying to weigh that against having to take antibiotics 1-2 times a year for the rest of my life just because my tonsils reacted to something I ingested (because there was a time that I wouldn't even drink iced tea because my throat gets irritated readily).

Of course, one can always argue that those doctors are also just hoping to make more money from me. And since the procedure is sure to be covered by our health card, they're apt to suggest it more.

Then again, I also wonder if our health card will still cover everything if I ask for a different kind of anesthesia to be used (because i'm scared of general anesthesia and has nothing but wonderful memories of tramadol).

And maybe, with the death of Michael Jackson, he will start being inspiring again.

Because he WAS inspiring. Back when MTV was still fairly young, I lived fos his MTVs. My fave of all time is REMEMBER THE TIME and it was only today that I realized that it was Eddie Murphy who played pharaoh there. I thought WILL YOU BE THERE? was such a sad, lonely, desperate song but I responded to its feeling. I even defended and rationalized the white skin before... but then he just started being really freaky and creepy and sad.

Do I believe he really exploited those kids? Yes. But not as badly as what the news said. I mean, it's pretty obvious he's disturbed, and for his problems to take on a sexual manifestation is certainly not suprising. But I also think he's fragile enough not to have been able to handle abusing so many kids at the same time (as what was reported before). But anyway, that's that and now, there is still his musical legacy.

So to honor an artist I admired, I made my son sit through Thriller, Remember the Time, Black or White and Man in The Mirror.

My top MJ songs are Man in the Mirror, Gone Too Soon and One Day In Your Life. My heart also responds to She's Out of My Life and Ben, of course.

*~*

Like A Perfect Flower
That Is Just Beyond Your Reach
Gone Too Soon

So sad that MJ seems to have never gotten the peace he was looking for. But I hope he's had many a happy times.

And the first one I thought of when I heard he died was Elizabeth Taylor... his staunch supporter and great friend.

Well okay, it's not exactly weird. But since I cannot think of a better term, weird is what am using.

I believe around 19 years ago, when I was in Grade 6, my friends and I caught a batchmate and a girl (from a batch higher) kissing in one of the empty corridors of our building. We did the upstanding (and probably geeky) thing to do, we reported it to a teacher. The next afternoon, the girl, with her gang, ganged up on me to threaten and intimidate me. Of course I was scared they'd like beat me up or something, but I wasn't cowed enough not to answer "Because what you were doing was wrong!" when asked why I reported them to the teacher. I believe comments like how envious I was that nobody's kissing me were thrown at me that time. But they let me get home without a scratch (and I was pretty popular with the teachers then, being President of the Junior Mentors Club) and I did't get flack from them anymore.

Four years after, I became chummy with their lookout... because she became my seatmate. She's also the girl's cousin.

And now, I see a Facebook friendship request from that girl. And it's not like am holding a grudge or anything, but she was one of the bullies of my time. I mean, they gang up on girls who had the same bag as they did (remember when plastic, transparent backpacks were in vogue?) and they also tormented the next girl their ex will hook up with.

It's just so strange to have such ugly memories of someone!

For the unaware, Newport City is the one being built by Global Alliance near Fort Bonifacio. It will feature Vegas-type hotels (one of which will be Maxims Hotel), entertainment offerings, other commercial centers and of course, high-end residences.

Anyway, they recently invited bloggers to help spread buzz. They treated us to dinner, gave us an orientation and tour, and also taught us to play casino games (because Casino will feature greatly in their development plans).

Some of the movers and shakers of the professional blogging world were there. Hehe.

Anyway, I'm not really a fan of high-end, exclusive anything that only caters to the rich and famous. But from what I heard, i think they're also planning to have zoos and other stuff that middle income families may be able to afford. Still, they are creating jobs for the Filipinos. And they are using mostly Philippine-made products which means more income opportunties for our countrymen.

And just maybe, in the next five years or so, Star Cruises clients can board here directly instead of going to some other Asian country. It's about time we really put the country in the tourism map, maybe then our government will be forced to really deal with our security issues.

But of course, I hope progress will not mean a bad compromise at our end (like more garbage or prostitution, etc).

These pictures are taken at the Tagaytay marketplace. And yes, it is pineapple season once again!

I know it's a cultural thing. In the same way that foreigners might be aghast at the idea that we Asians (or us Filipinos becuase I really don't know about other Asians) clean our a-holes and precious parts using our hands and a dipper of water, we Asians are horrified that they don't wash theirs and just use tissue to clean up. Either way, I guess we're still icky. But i'd still prefer to wash with my hands and then just wash my hands after.

Sorry, even if I alone may see it, brown stains on underwear are gross. And it invites bacteria, does it not?

Anyway, so imagine how amused I was to see this ad:

The only time I was really unable to stretch my arm to properly wash was when I was preggy. But how unreachable can an a-hole be? And how many times does one go to warrant starining one's back anyway? I mean, I go to the loo every two hours at least to pee and wash every time, and my back and arms don't have a problem with that!

The easy grip thingies are a better product, but they're only freebies when you get this one.

In one of the conversations I shared with my sisters-in-law, I was amused to realize that at that one and only time we went to a spa together, back when I was actually thin, they noticed my boobs and thought that mine were big.

I was amused because I also noticed their boobs then and I remember thinking that theirs were big (even my younger SIL's, who was thin) which means my future daughters had a fighting chance of not being flat-chested.

Laughable to realize now that we've spent so many times together already, going about sans bras, that none of us really had big boobs. My thin SIL, though not flat chested, actually has less boobs than I did when I was as thin.

So yes, we women notice each other's boob sizes. I don't think our issues are greater than that of men when it comes to size, but yeah, we still check out other women's assets. And we naturally perceive other boobs as bigger when we see them while the womanis bent over, drying her hair or about to put on her undies. Hehe.

*~*

Superficially though, I really thank God that gravity notwithstanding, mine are still perky. I mean, I breastfeed, after all.

When I found out that Goldilocks, in partnership with Nuffnang, is holding a blog contest, I really got all kinds of excited. After all, here is a product I literally grew up with. So I racked my brain on what to write about... Will it be the sago't gulaman that I insisted on having all the time I was pregnant? Or will I write about the mais con yelo that is the perpetual pasalubong my sister and cousin ask for when I make them babysit my son so I can have ME time?

Or would I write about their spaghetti, one I insisted on having every afternoon that year I started working, just because I could finally afford to eat out? I remember having to spend double the transport fare then because i'd get off at their Paco branch, which was halfway to where I lived. I only stopped when they closed down their foodshop.

Oh, there are so many Goldilocks products that I can write about that featured in special moments of my life. But i'd be crazy to write about them when, in my heart of hearts, Goldilocks has always meant one thing for me: cake, specifically, mocha cake. Even my family would sometimes marvel at how I can eat it, day in and day out, for weeks on end. My cravings last for months, you see, so when it's mocha cake that I want, it's really a mocha cake binge. And I don't mean mocha rolls because I preferred the thicker icing on the cake, and I am a slave to sugar flowers.

(proof that I am a slave to sugar flowers?)

There was a time that I shared this obsession of mine with a nephew. He just really loved it too! My then-boyfriend (now-husband) would often chuckle and kiss my forehead everytime I'm eating a slice and my darling nephew would ask specifically for the sugar flowers or the icing... or the last bite. Ouch! But sharing it with him was of course, the more important thing (plus I learned to buy extra sugar flowers, hehe).





I even remember getting excited and creative on what i'd have written on the cake. But even if I, or then-bf, bought the cake for me, we'd still tell my nephew the cake was for him and he should blow out the candle (yes, I insisted on the free candles!) before it melts on the cake. Sometimes, we'd even really sing "Happy Birthday" for him.

Yes, we doted on him very much. How could we not, he was the cutest, most adorable person for us then!

Which is why Goldilocks cakes became all the more special for us... for me. It was not just part of our celebrations (where I make sure to order Triple Delight flavor cake just so I can give my family a break from the mocha), it was something that we used to make my nephew's everyday more special.





So when Pyro was confined in October 2005 for a tumor found in his lung, I brought him a slice of cake (because he was admitted on my birthday) and shared it with him on his hospital bed.

And when he was admitted at PCMC for his first chemotherapy session, we bought him a whole cake, made him blow the candle and ask Papa Jesus to make him better.



And during his fight, one that took over a year, I kept buying him cake. It was one of the things he could still appreciate, one of the things he could still keep down, something he believed that I alone provide.

*~*

Now, I still buy the biggest mocha cake I can get for his birthday. We bring it to the cemetery instead, however, to be distributed to the kids living there. It has become one of the rituals that has allowed us to move on, sharing his favorite cake with the less fortunate as a testament to how much loved he was, and how greatly missed.



So if i'd forever be indebted to friends and family (especially the Berks and my husband) for seeing my family through our loss, and if i'd forever be grateful to all those who helped Pyro meet his wrestling idol Batista, and if I can still not see Tweety or Spongebob and not remember Py, how can I not celebrate Goldilocks in the role it played in making my late nephew's short life sweeter?

*~*

I won't lie. Indeed, for a time, I couldn't eat mocha cake after my nephew passed away. It felt sacrilegious to enjoy something he used to enjoy so immensely!

But in time, we recovered from our grief. Plus, God blessed me with a new nephew to buy cakes for.


Pyro's brother Ice, 1st birthday

*~*

You're the 1 Goldilocks, because you help me in my role of doting, loving, privileged aunt! You're the 1 Goldilocks, because you helped me cheer up a much loved, much missed nephew of mine.

I don't stop eating. And eating out.

* edited... there shouldn't have been a question mark in the title :D

My sister, after years of saying I had bad taste (read: a little too sexy) in clothes, has recently raided my wardrobe in a major way. It's like, everyday, she's wearing old gimmick outfits I used to wear to entice guys with.

It's really kinda painful to see favorite and seldom-worn tops (because they showed too much boobs) become her everyday wear as she goes to her review classes. The only upside is that she has to wear my clothes with some sort of bandeau because she doesn't have as resplendent a cleavage. But that's the only upside. I also have to swallow the fact that I will never be that size again (because even if I shrink down to 120 lbs, my body has already widened so old clothes don't fall as nicely as they once did).

Shame on me for not having enough vanity, at least, to keep my figure.

Shame on my sister, for eating her words.

Shame on our mother, for not giving me money so I can buy a new wardrobe. Hehe.

rain must be making my friends reflective. got these two in my e-mail

===============

A Poem to Ponder

I was shocked, confused, bewildered
As I entered Heaven's door,
Not by the beauty of it all,
Nor the lights or its decor.
But it was the folks in Heaven
Who made me sputter and gasp--
The thieves, the liars, the sinners,
The alcoholics and the trash.
There stood the kid from seventh grade
Who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
Who never said anything nice.
Herb, who I always thought
Was rotting away in hell,
Was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
Looking incredibly well.
I nudged Jesus , “What's the deal?
I would love to hear Your take.
How'd all these sinners get up here?”
God must've made a mistake.
“And why's everyone so quiet,
So somber? Give me a clue.”
“Hush, child” HE said, “they're all in shock.
No one thought they'd be seeing you.”

JUDGE NOT.
Remember....Just going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a car …
Every saint has a PAST.... Every sinner has a FUTURE.

===============

I WISH YOU ENOUGH
Recently I overheard a mother & daughter in their last moments together at the airport They had announced the departure. Standing near the security gate, they hugged & the mother said, 'I love you, & I wish you enough..'

The daughter replied, 'Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom.'

They kissed & the daughter left. The mother walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see she wanted & needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy, but she welcomed me in by asking, 'Did you ever say goodbye to someone knowing it would be forever?'

'Yes, I have,' I replied. 'Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever goodbye?'.

'I am old, & she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead & the reality is - the next trip back will be for my funeral,' she said.

'When you were saying goodbye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough.' May I ask what that means?'

She began to smile. 'That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone.' She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail, & she smiled even more.. 'When we said, 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them.' Then turning toward me, she shared the following as if she were reciting it from memory.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright no matter how gray the day may appear.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive & everlasting.

I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final goodbye.

She then began to cry & walked away.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them; but then an entire life to forget them.

* Only if you wish send this to the people you will never forget. If you don't send it to anyone it may mean that you are in such a hurry that you have forgotten your friends.

TAKE TIME TO LIVE... ..

To all my friends & loved ones,

I WISH YOU ENOUGH.

Have you noticed how many people, left and right, are moaning the fact that the rains haven't stopped for days now? That before the heat wave over a week ago, people were wondering why it was raining already in May and were upset over their vacation plans ruined?

And yet, I can still remember a time when Filipinos were used to a lot of rain. I remember a time when we were used to six months of sunshine and six months of rain. Plus, the Flores de Mayo is basically a veneration of Mother Mary to bless us with rain so that farmers can be ensured a bountiful harvest.

But there came that dry spell. In fact, I think it was only three or four years ago that the dry spell ended. For a decade at least, we'd only have rain with the typhoons. But there wasn't that perpetual downpour. Now, the daily rain is back. And true, it sucks because we now can't dry our clothes. And for sure, it is flooding some areas in the city.

But the flooding isn't the rain's fault exactly, is it? Isn't it ours, by building more and not providing enough exit points for the water to flow out of? And this is not like some harsh storm wrecking crops and what-not. This is just a steady downpour, one that may even have helped clean our air so we were spared from that Swine Flu virus, one that clears up smoke and pollution in the city.

And yet, it now ruins other people's days.

Oh, I will not be a hypocrite. I think it would be grand for it to shine all day and rain all night. But we can't really control such things so am just thankful we're not getting flooded. And we're being ensured electricity because the dams are being filled. And there is hope for rice crops (which incidentally should have come a longer way by now, but I guess the powers that be never thought to protect that which we consider staple in our diet).

I can afford to be gracious and magnanimous, I know. But there isn't a point to not being one, for again, it's not like I can scream STOP to the heavens and get results.