It's Not Just Birthday Blues

4:34 AM Sunday, August 16, 2009

First of all, my birthday is still around two months away. But I am really sort of depressed, restless, sad and feeling pointless.

And I hate it when some opportunities come knocking because i'm the first to shoot myself down. Some people, when they see an opportunity, go for it, wing it, and learn on the job. Then again, how am I supposed to want to keep something if I don't even know if I want it in the first place?

I keep telling myself, I need a new project in my life. But if you actually consider the facts, a demanding and hyper little boy should be project enough, aside from my involvement in breastfeeding and volunteer counseling again. But still, I am restless and feeling useless and worthless. Still, I am seeking something.

I don't know what it is I want to do to feel that I am contributing to the world. And dang it, I am so scared of trying and failing. I'm stuck. Stuck. And I don't even know why.


  1. I guess all of us SAHMs experience this at some point of our existence, which is most of the time, inside the home. hehe. don't worry, i'm sure this, too will pass. it's good that you're willing to take on new projects. new projects keep up moms going. keeping ourselves inspired is an antidote to feeling depressed and worthless. but then again, motherhood may sometimes seem like a thankless job, but it's the most fulfilling in the long run.

    Abi Lam-Parayno

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