9:28 AM Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Really... hasn't anyone told the singers of today that doing revivals do not bode well for their career... and suggests a certain lack of talent?

execpt for THE COMPANY, of course.

And can anyone please tell that Shereen (?) girl that her voice is matining which makes a lot of songs not meant to be sung by her?


I've always known i'd have a problem with it... and because of an article I read in some old Metro mag, I can't help but dwell on it again.

I grew up in an apartment-style house, but we owned that apartment and the one beside it. In fact, we could have owned the whole compound had my Mom had the tenacity and viciousness to be inconsiderate of the other families who were renting the other apartments.

I studied in private Catholic schools growing up. Sure, I made the choice to study in PNU in college to help ease my Mom's tuition woes (not that I still don't feel shortchanged somehow that both my siblings got to study in private schools requiring exorbitant fees for working computers, air-conditioned classrooms and a generally more conducive for learning environment... to think I was the BRIGHT one) but I also never had to worry where to get money for tuition or books. Not that my Mom didn't make me bleed first before handing over the money... or that I never felt resentful that she has to scold me about money time and again when I was really doing well in school (and yes, i know i skipped a lot of classes in college for hanging out at Paco Park or in malls... but i still graduated cum laude... and surely my parents can be content with that?)...

We also didn't grow up eating at Jollibee, or owning the latest Barbie dolls and toys... but we always had food on the table... and we always had milk... and we never had to go to school without an allowance.

Sure, we had to suffer old bags and extended uniforms but we always got Christmas gifts, and we always had parties thrown for our birthdays.

In short, I never felt poor until now (you know, when am finally earning and my salary cannot keep up with my expenses). I never felt insecure. I never really had to suffer the shame of being called by the teacher come exams time, not allowed to take the exams because I haven't yet paid my tuition fees. I never had to miss a field trip, or a school dance. I always had books to read. We've always had a TV and a telephone. We never had to be kicked out of the house. Heck, we never had to deal with parents in prison or anything like that.

In shorter still, I had a nice life.

And even when I was younger, i've always valued the sacrifice of what took my parents to where they are now... or where they were then... a position of being able to not only provide for us, but also help out their siblings and their siblings' families.

Which is why, no matter how indifferent I felt they were to me and my needs, or angry I was with them and the world... I always took my education seriously. I wanted to be someone who wouldn't waste their sacrifice. I also wanted to be someone who can afford things when I grow up, because I don't want my kids going thru hell because they had the misfortune to have irresponsible parents.

The thing is, because I had a nice life, the challenge became a twisted fear of not being able to find a partner who basically has the same goal. My friends have always teased me about having security issues, and I know that i've always told a prospective husband that I never want to have to worry where i'd get money to buy food for the table... or for the children's education...

And basically, it's just me wanting to continue having a nice life...

And it's kinda complicated by the silent wish to be a full-time mother as well. For that is indeed putting pressure on my future mate to be the sole provider... in this hard and funny-desperate times.

I am aware that there are a lot of sacrifices and compromises in store for me once I get married, financially. And I think that is mostly why I am still single and unmarried at age 27. I just really hope and pray that i'd have the grace to find a lot of things with my future husband/family NICE...

And that my kids will feel as secure and stable as I felt...


Did you know that the going rate for pre-school education for kids 3 years old and up is some Php20k already?

And what's even twistedly funny is, they mostly have play time and video-watching time during class hours? And that they teach twisting paper and folding table napkins in pre-school? Something about dexterity to prepare the kids to write.

And that pre-school is BIG on EQ and EQ-related activities?

And the training modules are usually patented, imitated, copied, simulated, etc from schools all over the US and Europe?

And ok, yes, it's really kinda cute having your kid out of the house for a while, and then arrive jumping with pride at the stars stamped on his arms, implying either good behavior, or excellent workmanship (either in cutting paper, coloring books or following a dance step)...

Still, isn't pre-school just a tad overrated and expensive?

And i question the premise of learning to fold table napkins to prepare the child for greater things... because from what I heard, kids now are supposedly smarter, so surely, if they can operate computer consoles and remote controls, they can also learn to write? And goodness, we all learned to write w/o having to crumple and shred paper! It's just plain stupid... but of course, I can't really NOT send my kids to pre-school now, since most regular schools require at least 3 years preparation.

And I also cannot help observing that... schools don't seem at all to be doing a good job in making or keeping these kids happy. I'm reading more and more reports that children nowadays are usually already depressed when they reach the age of 10... and are usually also BORED starting age four, onwards...

Heck... am even reading more and more suicides by younger kids...

Basketball camp is ok to help your kids release some of their angst... but sometimes, I think fistfights on streets with boys their age will do them more good in the long-term.


yes, i'm kinda angtsy right now...


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