feeling for mommy

7:49 AM Monday, April 18, 2005

The eldest, by virtue of order of birth, generally enjoys certain privileges, and executes certain duties.

Because I was the eldest, the main task of looking after everything my parents managed, from the household to properties to family matters, fell on me.

I didn't think it would be easy. But I also didn't expect it to have been this hard this early.

They've only been gone for a week.

And I had to note with alarm how I couldn't manage my stress, basing from the tightening of the chest I experienced way past my bedtime.

With the stress emanating mostly from worry and pity for my Mom, who has to contend with the following from afar:

1) A brother who was rushed to the hospital because of his kidney and prostate. (his surgery was successful but we still don't know when he'd be discharged)

2) A close first-cousin who died of a heart attack last Saturday evening.

3) Her eldest brother succumbing to cirrhosis of the liver and passing away yesterday afternoon.

And you know what... I hated hearing my mother cry.

And I hate knowing that she's grieving for lost loved ones all alone.


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